Oh Mr. Orwell
why did you have to write
that book
you know, the 1984 one,
the depressing one,
because you exposed them
and they knew you had
so Big Brother was taken
back to the drawing board
and they started from scratch
It was the best trick in the world
Instead of watching us
we watch him
instead of thought police
they just steal our thoughts
there is still a box in every home
and it shows episodes
of two and a half men
or the sucker free countdown
and jersey shore
I mean Jesus
they even managed
to trivialize reality
Oh Mr. Orwell
couldn't you have just
lived long enough
to topple this tower block
of spiritual silence

Sometimes I'm afraid of sounding pretentious
But don't get me wrong
I like *** and drinking and drugs
and a whole bunch of other dumb crap
and I will always find
farts to be funny
So there
I'm not pretentious
just a little kid
trapped in a pretentious body

we are young
and we maybe don't
fully know what
we are doing
or what we even are
But none of that matters
because If I know one thing
It's that I have always enjoyed
the time spent together
even if we went 2 hours without talking
I would never give those 2 hours back
I just want to say that I like you
and you don't have to like me back
Lord knows it's hard
but even if you hate me
or if I just didn't mean anything
I will be fine knowing
that I will always have
That one shared moment

am i to think
i am the only
one who finds
sharing bodies
to be sacred or
was that lost
am I just

dreaming.

We smoked a cigarette in the snow
As little flakes swept in with the wind flow
And clung to your hair
It was pretty, the way your eyes
Contrasted with the white sky
I could get lost in them

I looked at you and let out a sigh
As I embraced my faded high
And anticipated your departure
It was uncanny, the way your smile
Made me feel so comfortable
I am strangely into you

Maybe the stars will align
Into perfect patterns with time
And things will fall into place

i can feel it getting colder

i watch lovers turn to strangers

and it puts things in perspective

i didn’t believe in ghosts until i could still feel you after you were gone

i put the kettle on but it never goes off

and the calendar is thinning like the time

since i last touched you

looked at you

i usually hate change

but it’s you that’s changing these days

and i love you

it’s all so conflicting

my hair is growing longer

you said i looked like rapunzel  

but that was when our clothes stuck to our bodies

and now the leaves are falling

and i’m left clutching these books

trying to find what i need in them

***** the novels i read at midnight

it’s you i want

i’m putting on sweaters

i dont mind the weather

but i used to stay warm with you

and things hurt worse than they used to

replaying the things you breathed into me so many months ago

if you wondered why i never used your name

in those poems that i wrote

it’s because i used love as an excuse to be shy

i’m struggling to find hidden meanings in forced glances

but life is not a mystery and we aren’t all just stories

i wash the blood off my hands

to get rid of the guilt

but the bruises from the fall remain

and my knees look like they would break in half

if you looked at me again

I'm kind of freaking out
Arizona is sleeping with another man in a cigarette based bedroom
there is still liquor in my pupil'd eyes
the oh great AM insomniac lamp
is dusty
with someone else’s fingerprints
on her *******
i reached for the moon
and only felt snow
the books are staring at me
not saying a word
my breath is thick
i'm out of cigarettes
I've got a few dollar bills
I'll buy coffee and ink pens to keep me up
i need to keep track of the phases of the moon
its 56 degrees
wearing only a sweater
I'm freaking out
Winter may never end
I may not be able to leap from the ceiling
i can't stand up
or grow a beard
i'm slightly insane
or slightly sane
i'm still figuring out how she walks
and the road signs
leading to mexico
i must be crazy
mimicking the speech impediments of the walls