i like video games because they open up their pixelated arms to me
and enfold me
they squish out anything that is too hard for me to think about
and drop me into something with a controller that i can hold
for once

i am an alien in their universe but they welcome me
assimilate me
drown out the bad feelings
the bad words
that you just said to me
i like video games because they make me feel safe
make me feel smart
important
successful
happy

some people think i am strange
and i am sorry
i don't really care
i am just here to feel better

we fight demons that trickle out our ears
and run down our cuffs
garishly dancing on our palms
inciting the captivation of our interest

and they get what they want
because there is no cost to us
to look
to watch
to absorb

we fight demons that trickle out our ears
and run down our cuffs
locking themselves around our wrists
laying themselves against our arms
in words we didn't know existed
in relation to ourselves

and they get what they want
as we watch:

the price of absorption
is to lose your right thinking

they have not words
to strike a competitive pose
against ours
but they do the best with what they have.

i become extremely depressing at night
and i can feel it bothering you
in the pleading tone of your voice
the begging in your questions
you finally just give up
after a while

i didn't use to do this
it's a new thing
since you came
and went
and i came
and i went
and you went

i can't take a summer without you

katy perry wasn't far off track
sometimes my emotions feel like plastic bags
drifting in the african dust...
a place i put my feet
one february
years ago

and flatsound tells me to come clean
but i can't
i have nothing to contrast it with
ignorance is my final plea

and i don't even know
what holocene means,
bon iver

but i know
that poetry is just words on different lines
and they're the only ones i seem to write
these days

i wake up with the cloying taste of a nightmare in my mouth
not for the first time this week
and i imagine not for the last

i made you a chart
concerning all the ways we ****** up
and sent it to you last night
haven't heard a word
since

i had the implicit feeling that what i was saying was dangerous.
that it could take this little thing we have going on
and expose all the little tangled wires
sparking
and smoking...
that i could make you feel bad enough
that you wouldn't want to talk to me

and i was right.

i guess you have to learn to be content.
content with the boy you have
the clothes you own
the place you're in
the lot you've been dealt.

though i am not sure how you learn it.
i suspect that your mother teaches you
but i wouldn't know
would i