A message
Flashing across my screen,
Tugs on my heartstrings as I sit cross- legged by myself.

The words
Cause blush to stain my cheeks,
The heat rising as my heart pounds furiously in my chest.

My lips
Curl into a smile,
Hormones flood my every synapse begging for release.

One moment
And I've forgotten everything else,
I've melted into the letters you've written lost in kilig.

Jealousy, is not a pretty color. It's a shade of green that seeps into the soul, like a coffee stain in your white shirt.

Jealousy, towards family, is worse. It leaves you teetering between rage and guilt, leaving you questioning right and wrong.

Jealousy, towards sisters, is almost like a sin. A breaking of bonds too old to understand. A string so tightly wound together, you can no longer see its individuality.

Jealousy, though, is how I feel when I see how different our lives are. The clothes you get to wear the freedom you have, the bond between you and mom and dad. The shorts too short for me, the makeup too much, the hair too dyed.

But, Jealousy, is proof, that as the guinea pig of seven, maybe something good came of the experimentation. A better life for you, a sense of happiness and confidence in your decisions.

Jealousy, is ugly, but I am grateful you wont have to experience it.

Our love
Was something that burned like a star too far for our eyes to see-
Burning out before it had already begun.
Our love
Taught me that smiling could be something I didn't need to have a reason to do. It taught me that every flaw in me was a strength not a weakness, was a unique stone in my castle walls.
Walls you climbed to tear down and reconstruct with greater integrity, with love in each brick lain.
The moat you filled with fish and your love created gardens among the overgrown brush.
Your hands held the thorned roses and wrapped them in silken scarf, handed them to me with bleeding hands and still told me how beautiful you thought my eyes were in the sun.
Your sun nourished me.
Brought with it birds and songs and endless laughter.
Even when thunderstorms of tears threatened the sun light you always found a way to place a rainbow in the sky, promising me I would never have to worry.
I used the colors you brought into my life and painted for you simple days,  but you always seemed to run with them, turn them into masterpieces. You were able to take a walk and turn it into an adventure.
You took the colors and became a prism, scattering them into the world, brightening everything you touched!

Days are dark again,
Strange how the sunlight filters in,
The room illuminated,
As the shadows tighten around my soul.

Sometimes I think I'll win,
Just once I'll shoot the arrow straight,
The feathers split Against a rod,
In a stack of hay all covered in paint.

One day I'll see you again,
I'll hold your hand against my cheeks,
Your soft beard against my ears,
With whispers of forever as I drift off to sleep.