I thought I did finally find it, the place I close my eyes and see
the valley;
filled with the greenest grass that's just the right height
so you can run without scraping your knees
Every day I spent in awe, wandering
exploring those hidden wonders
the creek for example, three miles south
or the collection of fairy rings a little farther down.
It was everything. It was mine.

One day I decided to head to the creek,
stick my feet in and see how deep.
At once I was ****** in,
the water was fast, ice cold,
the bottom was no where to be found
I spiraled out of control until
at last I was spit out.
I thought it would be okay then,
but that was the beginning of the end.

The valley was never the same in my eyes,
the sky was less blue, the grass hurt my knees
I walked aimlessly about, finding nothing new
the valley I thought stretched on forever
just ran in loops.
With nothing left to do, I'd head to the creek
dip my toes in just to see if it would happen again;
Without fail I'd be ****** in,
before I'd drown it'd spit me back out.

Eventually I stopped going back to the valley
I stayed by the creek,
dipping my toes,
getting ****** in
cold, wet, dizzy and close to death
before I'd be spit back out
and repeat;
I loved the valley at one point in time,
but I can't escape the creek.

Twitch

Fiddling thumbs
I didn't read that
I didn't hear that

Twitch

it'll be okay right
crank the tunes and stare at a blank sky
no cloud in sight

Twitch

I'll be okay right?
they like me right?
I'm not alone right?

Twitch

it won't be the same
it can't be the same
no no no no no

Twitch

Was it really that bad in the end
Two days down and he's already found the one
you always knew he would
god you always knew he would
you bring them all down
you let yourself drown
pick yourself back up
before you try again.

Eleven AM
Rub back groggy eyes and stretch out cramped toes
get dressed if the fam is home
stay **** if it seems quiet
run back if you made the wrong assumption and try again
check your face, anything new?
Say hi to way-to-young-to-have-you wrinkles cross your forehead
say goodbye to bulbous pimples that arrived overnight
take a ****, check the news,
head downstairs and wait till noon.

Twelve PM, or sometime around then
you've said your hello's to your fam
if they're in,
and if not you say hi to comedy central and your bestie Gin
quarter past means its reasonable enough to climb back to bed
here's a hint:
to convince yourself you're busy,
keep your phone, laptop and tv all on or within arms reach.
That gets me through the day,
minus the occasional *** and drink break
or random banter between family
( only if cross paths accidentally)

Six PM
Time to give in and drink the rest of whatever's left from last night
*****, Wine, *** and Gin
Mix, grab my pack and head out back
chain-smoke until I gag and hack
sway and sing about those
doses and mimosas, that champagne and *******
but did it get me through?
or just mask the truth

1AM in bed still, or again
this is usually when my life comes crumbling in
either I'm destroying what I love or they're destroying myself
or maybe the ***** just makes it all seem like too much.
I'll say "Baby, I'm giving it up its too much,
I've had so many revelations, seen the light and been touched
**** tomorrow I'll be good, tomorrow I'll expand
I'll get my fat *** out of bed, I'll ******* shake a strangers hand
Tomorrow's the start baby, you'll see
Tomorrow I'll finally get back to being me"

Eleven AM
Rub back groggy eyes and stretch out cramped toes
get dressed if the fam is home
stay **** if it seems quiet
run back if you made the wrong assumption and try again
check your face, anything new?
Say hi to way-to-young-to-have-you wrinkles cross your forehead
say goodbye to bulbous pimples that arrived overnight
take a ****, check the news,
head downstairs and wait till noon.

Can't do it any longer so I'll tell myself
for tonight
it's nicer at the bottom.
This ******* hole I keep finding myself in
no matter what I keep finding myself here
so why do I keep trying to find my way out?
I'll grab some blankets and red wine
waiting, waiting, waiting to die.
My only goal is to finish this glass
so I can make my body look the way my insides feel;
chewed up and spit out
by the only thing that ever made me feel pure
god nothing made me feel as good as you;
I fear nothing ever will
and no one ever can
and every night will be the same
every night will be my last;
Every night I'll tell myself I love it at the bottom
until I'll remember what made me try to get out in the first place
and finally swallow that pill bottle.

Years i thought i lost you found in me
Wasted days now count for things
I never thought they could;
One by one i let those shadows
Fade away,
Its true what they say
It'll all make sense
In the end of days..

I fell in love with half of you
The half i knew
The one you showed to select few
(Typically the girls you wanted to swoon)
And i loved you
So full of yourself, untouchable
Desirable
The ****** begging to be tainted
Begging for me to be the one to take it
(So i did)
And i loved you.
But the second half you hid well
And only now do i find
I wasn't the only girl
Who had come to your mind
(I wonder if they still do from time to time)
I still love you
Even if your second half's a ****