I don't believe in heaven
Most days
But when November comes around
I feel dread
For I've let him down
Oh the damage I have caused
For me to
Think I'd
Be the glue
For my family
That was him;
Mother at bay
Son on close gaurd
and his daughter
in his arms..
Big shoes I chose to fill
I swore I'd do it for him
Frankly,
I've forgotten;
No longer strong, I've fallen.
No longer able to walk the tight wire
I've fallen
And every November
I remember
I've failed

Do you believe in soul mates?
Fate?
Chosen paths in lives
And how sometimes
People don't listen to their guide
And stray far away
From their destiny
Ruining every path
They run across,
Skewing reality
More than a butterfly
Ever could?

At first glance
A night alone seems promising
A chance to sprawl out
Into your side and mine
Or watch tv shows you just don't like
No need to be cautious of suspecting mothers
Or respectful to sleeping partners

The difference between
Thoughts and reality
Come clearer as midnight approaches
And I curl up onto my side
Arm outstretched, waiting
For you to curl up next to me
So I can drift off
To the lullaby your body makes
As it sinks into a deep slumber

Then I realize no ones there
To make sure my feet are tucked in
Or give me a good night kiss
And wish me sweet dreams

No night is pleasant
When you aren't spending it
Next to me

Why is it that i give so much
To everyone
Make them feel special on their day
Yet when my time comes
No ones there
To make me feel the same

White
Drip
pink
Drip
Red
Splash
crimson
The only colour bath that cleans me of my sins

It never gets old
Each night with you
Your soft snores somehow soothing
Compared to a night alone
In a bed made for two.

I envy the binge
Swollen pupils
Red nose
The amount of love you give
The ecstasy you receive
I wish for once i could be that
The happiness you crave
The ****** you need
Spending night after night
Entranced
Spending week after week
Longing
For another hit
Of what ive got to give