Insanity
Is within my sights
Dignity lost within my rights
My act of sleep comforts 
No more
Wishing for the relief no more
Sanity lost in upbringing
Joked upon never having any
Insanity corrupting my insomnia
As sleep 
Never becomes a relief

Exiled
Prisoner to my own mind
As i stand on a battle field
Made out of neurons 
My emotions 
The aftermath
Of battle upon memories 
People ask me 
Why can't you be stable
I just want to scream
That's not helping me
Yet all i can whisper up
Is leave me alone
So once again
Stuck alone
Within 
The battlefield of the mind

In these times
i believed so distant
to be non-existent
i dread life

i say i love him 
making him my life 
sounds so cliche 

i wish i could say such at this moment 
i was so sure
it feels so far 
that first time we smiled 
though many miles apart 
i believed him to be my life 
feeling his light so near 
as an embrace of my lover 

these times are the keys
to the locked part of my mind 
the ones i enter 
and see all the photos of my memories

the room of grief 
upon agony as my tears swell up
as everything i believed in comes to mind 
and crashing like the ocean tide back at me 
not to embrace me 
with such light anymore 

i feel like ive gone in a circle ive always seen
i want to trust 
yet i remain crying 
upon this room 
i want to be free 
but i cant move....

my eyes submerged into the photos of my memories
my father getting stabbed...
my grandfather dying 
seeing things others find nuts
being put through abuse of life 
and father 

i begin to wonder why am i alive
as the rooms shift 
a blank white wall
all too normal to belief 
yet all i can do stare

hospital 
the word that comes to mind 
taints my eyes as the white becomes
a blinding light 
and a hospital bed is all i see
staring down at my hands all i can see is my heros hand
cold 

insanity takes grasp once more 
as it shows me like a lost puppy 
the direction
as another who i believed in 
but died...
all i felt was fear as my wrists became scarred 
and a knife dug into my back

i lie there 
pondering if i wanted to truly die
and if i still do 
as reality comes back
among my sight restored
to the white ceiling of my room
i see blood splattered on my room 
and believe such to be true in due time

if this fears you 
brings to tears or anger 
my apologises 
as this is written as feelings of my reality

trying to understand me is to accept this 
to realize what i see is glitter and rainbows
to see i am scared
and not to disappear 
to love me is to be the guiding hand 
to be near me you must see 
i am much weaker 
than put out to be

if such is not alright my apologises
as my silence will be 
as a probability of fear 
my words become of distant memory 
as many 
disappear
with this i must say goodbye as the belief 
in my mind 
is to speak it 
but the walls block such 
as once be stated 
love me as me 
then further to understand me 
will be soon of greater truth

Seconds before release 
tears shed down peoples heads 
the grief of the world falls upon their shoulders 
distant memories brought forth by the shock
as if the tidal waves bring pain forth
from old joy 
As the reaper knocks upon the door so near 
a sudden darkness grabs hold 
as a flood of tears stains the memory of now 
im not here to say its all going to be alright 
im not here to say that i understand what you all go through 
rather to say that im here 
if you wish to have a shoulder to cry upon 
The seconds before death are filled with despair 
and fear 
of the knowing there is no more 
memories to be builr 
the creation of our own fortresses to be torn down 
smiles are vanquished as fast as the happiness once felt 
The love is so close as it encloses people to see
that their with them in all they do 
the flowers bloom on both sides of the fence 
stating that you may live in honor with them in mind 
or you can dig your own grave by the corpse's side
live in the love that will never vanish 
pass on the peace of mind that you will remember them 
before the seconds of how they died
Some speak of oasis after life 
or a cloud of happiness 
if so im sure they are having their time of peace and release 
times may be hard 
as shock is new 
but remember the ones you have physically 
and the ones who will always be with you spiritually and mentally
love and honor the ones gone 
by living life and smiling 
as you know their peace is to come as they sink into oasis after release 
those tears shed are all good and fair 
but smile because the one that is believed not to be there 
is watching from afar 
Live with the love of that who you did and do 
as release comes to peace for all those 
believe that of 
truth's smile