Not of my body
Nor present form

But of my village I held so dearly
Watching my loved ones die 
As they scream
From the agony
Telling me to run

Tears mixed with ashes 
Fell
As I ran from the flame stricken home
Noting the distance I was as my greatest nightmare
Became my reality

The cave listened to my sobs 
Of many years
Until the dreaded say
I believed I was strong enough 
Came....

My village reeked of ashes and smoke 
The death killing all
My family's skeletons 
Shined bare within the dirt
Memories flashed
The dances 
The festival
The group happiness
.....all gone

The trigger was pulled 
To the gun that shattered my reality
The dance once
Of pride and freedom to the village
Encoded 
Beyond my furthest memories
As a distant tear
Rolled
Down
My cheek once more

Oh how so 
Like long ago
I cry in the name of my people 
I cry beyond their gravesite 
No longer covered
By ash 
But shadows of the, past 
I cry....
For the life I loved...
Gone back 
Into....ash

Uncertainty 
Fills the air like a nauseous gas
As emotions are dumbed down to tears
Confusion seems to rise 
Or does it 
I'm not so sure
Something is off
I want to cry but cant bear the touch of water upon my skin
I care about people 
But I feel
As if i have fallen into a deep hole
Almost numb
To the emotions I used to know so well
So, confused
As all I begin to feel is I am my words
As words are all I am

Abusive father 
Molded my mentality
To think life is war
Shaped my dignity 
To stab my hope
Crumbling emotionally
Physically abusive
The chokehold you did to a door 
Stay on my neck for eternity
Abusive father...changed
Ha yeah right
My ignorance fueled the fire 
Of niave me
The toy gun you chased me with
Of noise to scare
The way you held yourself 
Egotistical menace 
May be called
You shrug it off
For you do as you please
Abusive father
Such a term no longer fitting 
As you massacred my stability
Believing death was so much easier
You say sorry
But your words are hollow
Took me 2 years to find someone
To finally give me stability 
The power to believe life is better than death
And you exile them
My topic of this poem may be written in rage
But to none other than you
Your denial lies pitiful 
As you wish me to return
You bribe a relationship with your kid
Solely you try to fill 
That of an empty bottle of apologises
You no longer 
No
Never by my side 
You terminate your existence among mine
As you see one I care for to be of **** of the earth
You don't look in the mirror often do you
You would see a source being of a human in front
Abusive father 10 years of torture ends here 
Your puppet be of free 
As your strings they fall to the floor
Walk the path as you may 
For it is your own 
But don't forget 
These words 
Abusive father 
You can not care for another 
If you don't care about the vessel
That souless vessel of despair 
Look into the mirror of humanity you will see
The man without dignity

A cat's sudden meow
Breaks the silence
Laying upon my soul broken bed
Staring upon the blank canvas
Of my ceiling
....i question
Am i truly alright 
I imagine the sight
Of scarlet blood shattered in an array of patterns
Sliced from my pale wrist 
I think of all 
The terms sought before me
All the pain
Ive lived through
And stare at that blank canvas
And ask why
Why was i born to an abusive father 
Why did i live in my hell 
And survive
Why didn't the pills
Knives
Slices
And choking work 
Choose your destiny
Apparently mine was to survive
All left to me are my words 
Stated on a new blank canvas
My words 
Filled with blood and tears
As the process remains
The story becomes told

Born not of such yet spoken
Upon terms 
A process of nine surgeries 
Just to lose

Colors not of absence but 
Of dimmer 
We are not black and white people
So pass that beyond your thoughts
As you stare at us in awe 
Asking "what bout this that and the other thing "
Tiresome same old song

I speak for me 
As i am who i am
Those questions frustrate me 
As i am compared to a dog
See me as one 
Not as a freak 
Believe me 
Im not blinded by the light of love
But dimmed by the sight of those who see me as freaks