My heart pounding in my ears reminds me of running water
Echoing in an empty room
The chill circulating through me
Like glass shattering and disappearing in the grains of sand
Why do I have these tools in my hands?
It aches
It burns
It hurts so much
Feeling a thousand needles in my numb shins
The pain has always had the win
When being imprisoned feels like a sin
Weighed down enough for the echoes to drive you insane
Living in a place you don’t understand
The sorrow too deeply etched to erase
Your mind forces you to stay
With the flooding water flowing down your face
To be familiar with a fate that never ends
Never sways
And with eyes clouded
With bruised flesh greedy for pain
The heart will give all its useless love away

When I am awake I view the world with eyes half open; blinded by tension I can see
Thicker than a knife could penetrate
I suffocate in the make believe fumes that can be ignited by the smallest spark
Only to blow up in my face
This hollow feeling
This empty space
I can feel how thick the wall is around your back when it faces me at night
I speak to you when I know you cannot hear me
Loathing myself; my grudge spoils in my hesitation as I reach out and hold you tight
And I know I Have lost
This endless battle I have all the power in the world to conclude
I'm a prisoner to the dull ache
All I ever wanted was you

A broken heart
Never acknowledged or seen
A heart sewn together without knowing what the hurt ever means
People can care more or less about a delicate soul
And even if you put the pieces back together
The hurt can still grow

I swallow my tongue to the twists and turns of bones covered by a layer of skin
Painted lips and wings of black leave this world dependent on what is out and what is in
A deserter of vanity and a refugee to comfort and love
A string of foul endearment terms I am known by the name of
I'm quick to disappear
A momentary capture of what is held so dear
Like a transient spell of a simple fear of being the same
A clone of the world that doesn't know it's own name
"Beautiful" is the word that has many escapes
In the eyes of your peers the meaning translates into something so different and foul
In the eyes of a lover the word makes their heart scowl
We were born to be real, not perfect

The rules to follow and the words to write help you in your favor to win this fight
On the inside the lock is kept shut and it echoes through my body and mind
Always flowing red on my hand
Rusted silver bruising my skin
The pain is here but I won't let it win
It's under my skin
Crawling inside
Using my mind in it's own selfish ways
And trying to wash away any movements from before makes me feel *****
Impure and conquered by the likes of you
And whatever she says is a lie like it always is
Take the hint and turn away now
Because you will never know how much I have missed you here and to be near that smile you would show to no one else but me
But there is no one now who is the same as you were
And I'm still impure
Drowning out the sickening sounds unknown to any normal ear
Just go away
My heart stays here

Days and time spent wondering about stolen kisses and wasted sleep
Sleep on dreams of the future that will never come true
When all i see is blue
Blue blankets and pillows
It's sad to think that it is safe I am feeling
Sadness to know that it was too good to be true
And safe
Safe enough to know that i can change the future and be with you now
Instead of the anxiety and questions "how?"
How do you feel when i walk by?
Anxious?
I do
When all i see is blue eyes staring so deep within my soul and past my wall
A wall built for 18 years shattered into dust
The dust is trust
And there is so little of it now
How am i to know that you wont leave me here with a heavy heart and regrets?
I could have saved myself for another
Instead i am used
Blue
A used blue doll made of glass
And i am shattered
Just like us

Take me away to a place where love can't hurt
Where fairy tales stop lying to my face
There is a place where there is more rain than shine
Where I've lost everything i thought was mine
I had a prince charming
I had a place where my heart was fine
The cracks were filled and warming
It glowed like the sun should be in that place
The place full of imaginary lies where tears fall from every eye
Every story of mine is here
I've never noticed until now that i still live in fear
Fear of heartbreak
Just like now
Tell me how i can fix this
Don't look at me without those stars in your eyes
The ones i hope to see after every kiss and every i love you
I am again shy
I'd hold your hand but you would be disappointed at the marks I've made for everytime I cried from hearing your name
What have i done to make your heart so cold?
So solid?
Solid like a stone shattering my mask and making me break down like the weak emotional wreck i am
Please tell me otherwise
Please tell me that i can
That i can ignore every imaginary lie that i dream about crawling off of your lips
Imaginary lies are what they are
Imaginary
Yet everything hurts like it's real

Each stroke of the brush with ease
The paint glides across the wall and spell the words running through my mind
The words I speak taste foul
Bittersweet
Which is why they are now in these walls
But the taste is still there
Of all the things to say
Your name is all of thought of today
Have you ever been faithful?
Concerned ?
Sincere?
Bittersweet
My tongue is cold and your name is old through these words on my wall
Over and over again the paint peels and falls to bow at my feet
Bittersweet concrete
Lost in that mind of yours
Clouded by lust is all you want but will never get
Because I regret ever being with you

Daggers in your eyes
Venom in your voice
You crush my spirit with your stare
Your eyes are telling me that you never cared
Good words replaced by the sound of hate and lies
So alone behind enemy lines
But we despise what anyone else has to stay
War
Against your words
Step up to the line and state your claim
I blame you for making me this way

The romantic sound
The pitter-patter of rain
I turn to look but all I feel is pain
My heart is hurting and pounding like mad
And I don't know why
But I want to die
No words can be said or heard because of the rain outside
I fell asleep but I cried earlier that day
No noise kept me alive except for the rain

A classy girl was put to shame
By the boy she loved who only knew her name
Her heart was broken next to his
A beating stone
And along they played a game of love and misunderstanding
Broken hearts and shattered hope
Lives were taken
Words mistaken
And she was forever changed
Oh the thought of leaving tortured her soul
The soul of a doll so worn and used
Her eyes would wander
Empty and glassy
The innocent girl who was once so classy
She let her guard down for the dream that could not be

Someone like you is very hard to trust
When you ask me to forgive you
To rub away the rust
My heart doesnt beat for an empty soul
A liar
A cheater
A forgetter of what you used to hold
Hold me tightly
Only in your dreams
Mine dont have any recognition of you
You are a stranger to me
What happened to the boy i let my heart beat for?
The boy with all the answers
The boy i longed to be with more than anything
I can never be sure
If what we had was true
Say no more
Not one more word
Not one more lie
You are dead
Decaying
A corpse in the back of my heart's imaginary mind
Not one single memory you will find
My scars have killed you
My thoughts deceive you
You can never compare to who holds my heart now
He will never put my love in danger
I will never want you
I can never love a stranger

Third time in life you've broken my heart
Not caring if the shards are lost
I'd cry but i would be weak and spoiled
I turn to punch my plaster wall but my fist recoils back to my chest to rest on my heart
The rapid beating stops and starts
I breathe hard
My gasps are loud
They echo behind the door
I would scream for help but my throat is sore
Every word ive ever wanted to speak is taken from behind my teeth
All i needed to say to the one i dont deserve
Ill let my anxiety take over and watch my new scars burn
Sometimes i wish to disappear
Because my words mean nothing
They are filled with fear
I have no one here to make me feel okay
You've broken my heart
The record
For making me live this day
For the breaking object that I've willingly gave
For the one you carelessly tossed back
For the one that was put to shame
For the one who was called stupid
For the one who didnt want to hear what everyone wanted to say
For the one who should've listened
To cupid's crooked arrow
Call me out right now and tell me
Why i cant have you de-spell me
And make me forget my last heart ache...i hope
This new world i can never cope
Say my name again
I fear...
That never again will anyone be here

As i hear youre name
My stomach turns to ash
That sickening feeling that will forever last
I love you...but you've lost my trust and my feelings
You've lost my want to care
You've killed my motivation of trying to get you back
You stare
You stare right through me the same way you stared through my heart made of transparent glass
A displeasing look i give you
You dont care
A friendship with you isn't meant to last
A friendship shouldn't last when youre selfish and cold
When you could care less if i needed you or if i died
For everytime ive cried ive died over and over again because i cant stand knowing that you will never convince me that you care
Im sick
Sick of seeing you and afraid all at once at the stranger you've become
An angry poem this will be
I love you....but you dont love me

She sighs
Eyes open wide
Looking through their invisible shields in which are unfair
Their scars hidden so well
Their secrets only they can tell
To one heart that knows them well
One heart who can love
That heart tells the truth no matter how deep
Her one true love
Secrets she cannot keep
Though she wishes she had when the time came down
Now the world holds everything
In any way to make her frown
Bring her to her knees and love him with questions
Questions that should never be on a lover's mind
Fall behind
Ignore this plea
The sighing silences those voices
But they whisper very loudly
Enough to hear the gossip and the rumors believed to be true
Listened to by fools
A fools heart can never love
Because they are fooled into 'perfection'
A word they do not know
And she sighs
Because her heart hurts so

Nothing to answer to
To talk about
To hear
No more speaking of now and then
No more I fear
I want no more things now
I want nothing else to do
I need someone to help me
But right now I want to stop loving you
Can you stop the ignorance?
The rumors
The glares
Can you stop the nonsense?
You play the game but you don't play fair
Drama queen I must be to consider you and our past
To stand by your side when you never needed me
To think that we could last
In the silence I am running away
From what I know you will not pass
The test
No more chances today
Nothing I want to do with you
No more
No away
Go away and get out of my life
Because you can't keep your mouth shut, I'm being silent tonight
I cannot hear you
You can't win this fight
You're very bright
But not right for anyone who might take the chance to change who you are
I can see now that you've gone too far
I will stay silent now and watch what you are
No more of you now
Silence
It goes far