I laugh
Just because I blush
Doesn’t mean I don’t bite
Although I am particular
Doesn’t mean I don’t like
Hot thrilling moment
That touches me just right
Waiting on the moments that bring out that sigh
I only make when I…
Replying what I’m playing
Remember what I am saying
I know we are relating
We all like to play
Rewind in our mind,
before time carries us away
Too bad, I’m alone tonight
I just want to play*
Different kind of sigh.
Just left rewinding,to a time
Id sigh

I feel like sumi ink running down a wet media paper
Like I’m getting ****** up into its fiber
Before I ever had the chance to make the right mark

I feel like a tear that has been wiped away
It pushed from a cheek to swift, in hope haste would make
Feelings wash away, before they have time to settle
Be recognized for their real self, their actual impact

I feel like a under developed painting that wants to be an original
But has been put under too much pressure
To feel free enough to make an original mark

I feel like a statement that wants be made
But only finds things that have earned titles as cliché

I feel like a book that has been put down and forgot before
You ever got to the good parts

I am a heart wrenching sob and tear streaked cheeks
I am a sumi ink layered in perfect complexity and visual texture
I am original, authentic,and the best book you haven’t read yet
I am full of good endings, beginnings and all in-betweens
I am, I will be, stop trying to rush the ending

I am a warrior of sort
Art in ceramic, paint, clay,even tape
Whatever I can shape, words
I try to recreate a world
That stigmatizes creativity
And I laugh because they will need me
We live in a place full of hate
Corporate hands that are heavy
And a mother that is sick
From the evils we invent
Earth evolving, at an alarming rate
To soon emanate the overshoot
Of our population, that has overtaken her health
And wealth is still only measured by paper
Intelligence by our ability to be intellectual
I create, and soon enough they will see
They need me.
And I will be part of a powerful force
That has been overlooked
A warrior, single soldiers
Marching along with all the other creators
And problem solvers of the world
Now stand there and stigmatize
Hide behind a degree
Tell me my dreams mean nothing
I am an artist, why is that so funny?
Will it still be when we are all running?
From the re-precautions of out today
Will what I do still seem like play
Or will we see it a different way
Creations and good ideas embraced
And when creators try to save the world
When they are finally heard
Will things stay the same?
Art be the bottom
Of the shoes successful people walk on
The socks of corporate stature
Will they still overlook the power of creation?
Power
Don’t forget about the people
We do more than math
We can heal, just like we have harmed
Time to be alarmed, time to listen
New generation, faced with this new condition
Said the artist
As no one listened

Stinging.
I build myself up higher
Not even your fire can burn me down
Stone
Cold
Alone
But  alright
Fighting you
Fighting light
No fun while I’m young
Because I am a flower
I have to be picked
Picked because you admire
My sweet smell, color, desire
Nothing to eat
Process and excrete
Nothing to use
Then leave
******* and your kind
You make the world hard
Scared, battered and bruised
Lips like these will never please,
A stupid degenerate like you.

*Sad thing is I have never let boys like that in, but they still break my heart. They let something turn them into a monster, tear them apart. You are worth being loved, but you feel its to far.

when a frail skinny girl hold out her secrets. Just a note that reads" I just don't know why I am not beautiful, the thought of not being skinny or pretty enough is eating me alive"...  sends an echo of heartbreak and a calling. A calling that is answered from a deep place in me,  answering you are beautiful! In the loudest most assertive, complete, confident, life altering voice I scream from every cell in my body, you are a lovely creature! How awe struck this world must be that your feet have felt its existence. And that same voice now answers your calling, is assuring you that I love you. You want to know the depth, you want to know how I know. Its easy to answer because its a voice that rings, that is an alarm in every cell of my body, that goes off as the right question is met with an obvious right answer. Can you not hear it? I love you.

Set me on fire


Insanity is what ran through me
Intensity plunging into me
Breathing is not wheezing but coming easily
Tingling reawakening
Space vacating me
I’m a vortex of for ever waiting
Playing on words, hoping to be heard
Spinning on this earth that is worth…
Nothing? Something? Maybe
Say to me the words that send guilt
Through sensations I have yet to word
Liking is a fighting, loving is despising
Wanting to be curious, how could I not with the words of his
Blister me with sincerity
Sending burning regret through every vain
Every way, in each new light
I fight and twist new perspective
To yell at me, to say to me everything is all right
And believe its true.
That me and you collided for some kind of real
Reeling going wild
My heart beats with the laughter of a child
Happiness is your contagious energy
I take it in and let it live in me
Your sweet scenic imagery
Watercolor paintings reflecting back at me
Beauty is something new and founding
Whirl pool of commonalities
Blasphemies of morals and value
But I cant help how my happiness swells
How you a smile into me
Chilling water not nearly as refreshing
Retesting, rethinking my boundaries
Seeing new towers, higher mountains and walls
Longer tunnels and halls
To walk, climb and crawl
How far the journey to a wanting place
To a unsure space in any case I hope your happy
That my presence is half as enchanting
Because your words they leave me panting
How can I not, with no words forgot?
Blister me with guilt’s hot iron
Set me on fire.
Or should we not?
I forgot the binding power of
A forever real friend ship
Set my ship on fire
And drown all hopes and desires

Your gaze warms me up
Something happens when we touch
Melting me from my frosted life
Chilling truth is,I liked to hide
The routine and everyday
I surround myself but never played
Twisted locks and taunting eyes
Light me up deep inside
And a smile came to say
Daring me to be this way
Listen laugh and goof around
I can’t believe what I've found
That smile I wrote about
And now I know the sound
Of low golden tones
that flipped my life around
laugh with me
continue to cast that smile
play for a while.
I dare you =)

I just want to write because I want you to read
And all the old stuff is the older me
But my words are jamming
Underneath the keys
Running jumbled mess
That fails to expain my feelings
I don’t quite have the words to say
I love the way you stay
But don’t cage me in
The way you claim to like me
But haven’t quite dove in
How you talk and talk
Knowing that I’ll listen
And how you seem so sweet
So very genuine
Stay the same
Never change
Snoopy n his house
Simple loving life
Open hands
Open heart
Smile lifes to short.

Some days I am hideously alive

Decomposing memories

Deeply trenched in manipulation

****** noses and broken hearted…

dark circles and scabbed over

clotting and bruised

Festered wound pushing out poison.

Some days I am defective, calloused and weak

Some days I am gnawing and farel

Less human and more lizard

Puckered scars and blistered skin

Healing isn't always pretty

Some wounds get infected

Bones have to be reset…

Abscesses drained

I survived…

But I don't have the same skin

You wouldn't recognize me

I'm breathing

Some days that hurts

looking back at burning buildings and soot stained air
I see you walking out of the fire
feeling scared,bitter and blistered
even now your blood is still boiling
charcoal walls are all you had to comfort you
you felt burnt.

it was never my intention.
my maze of a life left me confused
but I burned you.
I never meant to hurt you.
still you choke on smokey memories
grit down on ash between lips what forget what smiling feels like

I said sorry….
i will say it again
for the time i left you
for my confusion
I am not sorry for the place you choose to stay
you watched the walls burn
then you watched them crumble and fade
you just stayed

in self pity and furry
you never doused it
you held a fire inside you and let it hollow you out
flames licked at your heart until you only felt pain
then you just stayed.
neutered sorrow and acidic tears
you let the fire eat you alive for years
I hate the bitter you see in everything
I hate that you blame me for bending, breaking
for being so ******* weak.

I am a collector of hurt souls and sour people
Taking them through themselves
Answering confused looks
Nudging toward harsh truths
Laying out my ***** laundry

Everyone has something
Venerability equaling authenticity
In meeting people who are worth meeting
Showing yourself
hurt to heal,
a trade of sorts
Making deals
But you would not bargen
In the mist of all these people
I fell…
Fell
In
Love
In love with
Making others feel understood
Standing alone, I stood with everyone
They all felt they knew me
Truth is they don’t understand
But you do and we meet each other where I am
You walk me through myself and you through you
Not standing in a sea alone
But standing next to you

Stand up on your soapbox
Say the words you think
Study what you believe in
Hear what’s being said
So maybe you’re opinionated
But no one cares what you post
You believe in something
Say it with a voice    
Get up early morning
Sacrifice the time
To protest or make a noise
In reality and time
Step outside a tweet to
Really speak your mind
To sing a song
All along together
Stand up on a soapbox
Really speak your mind.

You are like middle class meets star gazer
Your eyes on the sparkle in your dream but you don’t know if its found when you are sleeping or running through your always going, never ending life. Your responsibilities sky high, so much on your plate that you are forgetting that happy is already on your platter you just have to slow down to taste it. Wanted time wasted on the idea that success will bring you happiness. That money is where this is happenen… You are sometimes on the right side, spending time and care instead of money and pulled out hair.  Contemplating the weight of the wind, What spirit really means. Exploring where you begin and the universe ends .other times you are all kinds of, I don’t want to say wrong but not right … maybe left, left out of place, left behind your fast paced life, left wondering but not left to think out loud. Not left with feeling right.im not suggesting that you should run in circles but if right is right then take it. Hold on to your hopes and make it. If you feel like you fake it either quit or fake it tell you make it part of you. You said that you are always in your head, I think you are always in a hum, Seeing the connection in your life and always putting it together wrong. Maybe the stars are where it starts. Maybe they are a map that connects our life with our hearts. Maybe money is just paper, and people are too valuable to break down in such simple transaction. Perhaps middle class means nothing, just like money… because classifying people makes no since. That sentence a lot like money, so alike always boxing people in. you are a successes chaser, not knowing how you define the word. I am trying to give it a definition. But you may replace the word all together, reconfigure a new sentence. This is just a star gazers perspective, to someone who’s self-reflective, here’s just a perplexing statement about what success is. One star gazer to the next one, just let go a little and figure out this conundrum.

Stranger smiling.. at me?
Do you smile at everyone like that
Or am I lucky=D
Sweet stranger who's long hair and pierced lip
Seem to contradict a charming handsome...
That somehow fits, like you are wareing yourself
Kind eyes bring me to the edge
Teetering on the brink
Of hot red that boils underneath
The soft skin of my cheek
Transparent and misleading
I am not shy, I am not afraid
I would love to see whatever lies behind
Kind eyes, Surprise me
Be an adventure
503-551-
68**
Sincerely, the stranger who smiles back.

I don’t like to wait on them
Don’t make them wait on me
Have no intention of breaking open
Breaking free, just wish the dating world
Made more since then, gee
A baby dear trying to devour me
I don’t want to sit there,
Eyelashes a bating
When I hear couples laughing
And I think he is cute
I don’t want to small talk
Or to run around a bush
Just to talk about something real
Why is it bad to say, hay
You are awfully charming.
I hate this game people play
Rejection can be alarming
I just need to say
What a stupid game
It is, that we as people play

Summers smiles shed and fade
Happiness dissolves to gray
Relationships twist and fray
And I promise them I'm here to stay

Summers heat simmers out
People distance with doubt
His touch cooling down
I step back to look around
Frozen there, in fear and terror
Alone in a crowed, a single smile in a sea of frown

Summer breeze starts to stale
Remind myself to inhale
And force movement where it is still
I force against gravity and will
And smile
I will

superhero holding friendship

I admire, I spectate , I watch and learn and notes I take
On a thunderous beauty, on this breath taking sight
Quivering breath at a mountains height
Those close around I fear they might drown
Terrified of what’s making change
Terror stricken, I flip through pages
that would never be re-written, never changed

I’m waiting for struggle, for flailing arm
for loneliness , peoples pulling up guards
Fences that we build and view as our shields
Just a horrible thing ,that wont let me in
Misunderstanding transforming
Now it’s a black mask of confusion, dooming

I panic at thought spinning around
Head is to full ,I feel for the ground
Darkness threatening my light life
I gasp for friendship and understanding
Then you flew in with a quiet landing
Tiptoeing around you lift me off the damp dirt
Wiping the darkness of my clean world

A new view of refuge, I need and needed you
Just a boy with good intention
Transformed into a superhero holding friendship.
Together walking side by side
we sort through what’s wrong and right
We plan a way to save the drowning
Climb fences and break through walls
Tear down others guards
I walk a walk , no longer alone in the dark.
I have you.thank all that is good
We stand were I stood
I love you

Her loud voice echos inside my head
Tears pool spilling off my bed
And her hams can, and laughter fled
As life goes on, shes still dead
Just a rewind video I replay
Before sad sleepy eyes go to bed
Weeping, sleeping,dreaming seeming
Try to find the right words to describe
She was the only one I could find
To stay up and create, art, color, life
A garden to a picture drawn in crown
She was the only one around
Who found what I found
Art is the heart of family
Love and life
She found me, in the darkest nights
She helped me understand
The human struggle, to experience
Complexity, she was her inevitably
Embarrassingly, intoxication in both
***** and personality, fatality being
She never took care, her loud voice
Tinny in her last moments here
Her brave soul
Trembling in fear
Grandma don’t be scared
I'm here
Just like you were
Im here for better or for worse
Her heart beat beat beating
Tell its run its ran its course  
and when its done ill run some more
Grandma my heart beats for you
that's for sure

The Gift
She had silky red lips sipping on
Intelligence, and intuition.
Blue watery eyes
Perfectly disguise,
Intricately weaving words
That are shaped, then escape
Change the landscape
Of relationships and connection.
Gravitating truth to unexplained urges
Feelings all colliding, leading to one thing.
She is absolutely unique,herself.
Bring forth an Absolute beauty.
As well as drawing a connection for me,
Once again providing a bridge
This time completely unaware
Of the truth she has delivered.

She is no reflection
Only 94% same genetic makeup.
But our likeness has never helped me see myself
Not like it did today.
I saw her physically,
but more importantly
Emotionally.
She helped me remember
What I bring to the table.
Expression and a suave reading,
Of people and their meaning.
Helping them see pieces of them self
My gift of self-awareness
Gifted to me.
As I sought to see
Its more than red lips
Blue eyes
That are a bit alike.

Seeing myself inside her,
skin the exact same shade
sprinkled with sun kissed pigment
freckles parading across
the endless rise and fall of our bodies
Lost and scared her words
Reminded me I was there.
remembering even when days get dark
my gift, gifted to me,
A new light through which I see
myself, red lips and blue eyes
I love her for loving, and I love her like myself
sister, you helped me see
what is so loveable
In the same city that holds us tonight.
If you ever tell my story,say
that today was the day I was born again.

I am always doting on those in my life, I worry, I pick up all the heavy things so they can feel lighter. I am a care taker, its in my nature.

you were the first and only person in my life that wanted to take care of me.

At first it was awkward.I did not know how to sink into this kind of love. The kind that held me up, the unconditional kind. I felt like an apology falling from the lips of someone who has never felt regret before. Even now with three years practice I feel the air being taken from my lungs every time you find new ways of loving me.

You turn coats for homeless people into a warm wrapped gift for me. The unsaid words that I have nothing to be embarrassed about in my past. You take a trip to that second hand store that I use to have to shop at. The one I was embarrassed you even knew I had went to. And you turn it into something beautiful.

It has taken me years but I finally figured out why you don't wrap your gifts.Its simple really because the object have always been the paper. I still feel like their are ribbons and bows every time I receive one. Your gifts are always containers.They hold a concept or an idea. Perhaps they hold the universe. I think they might , because they are always growing and changing what they mean to me, always expanding.

You once wrapped a gift with some beautifully hand crafted earrings. It was a note saying I see you and I love your creativity, I think you are beautiful. You wrapped my past embarrassment in warmth and empathy. You once used A letter box you decorated in hand pressed flowers to wrap up the idea that you always want to talk to me, even if you are far and cant receive phone calls. You said you always will make time for me even if its as slow as snail mail.

How silly I was to think you gave me unwrapped gifts. Its funny how time can tell you new truths. You are the greatest Gift. Thank you.

If I could build a future out of yesterdays hope
I would have a charming home
A quaint oasis that I built from our old love

I would have manifested our children
From stardust and cat-like curiosity
Their chubby toes would point them in the right direction always

If I could architect a future out of empty promises
I would have more than a deflated reality
An image of a home whos outline wavers
Ella’s name would not be make-believe
Her laughter would have filled my hallways
Her eyes would be known and her whole self-cherished

If it were possible to make out of what was taken
I would make my gate from recycled doors
That way I could have privacy
While always remembering how to let others in
how to stay open

I would show you how to blow air into a balloon, we would watch it fill up
So you could see that even dreams need something tangible to breathe life into them

I wish I could create with the disappointment you filled my life with
It is so abundant, it would be so practical it is littered throughout my memory
So much of what I am left with I can’t use to build, its *******
I cashed in five years just to realized you were a bad investment

If I could build from your lies a home
I would spread my capacity for caring softly across the surface of each room, like wallpaper
I would remove the hand-painted sign that read
"My home is where you are"
Because I have proven you are not the essentials needed
to make a house a home, I am.

Once I was told the universe was nothing and then it became something
Maybe this void that holds the space inside of me
Where my future plans and dreams dissolved
Where a skeleton of my almost family and life died
where the plot to build the home that will never be resides
Maybe that’s where my big bang can start

I need to make something bigger than the life I planned with you
Ill turn this nothing into something
Just watch me breathe life into my new beginnings
see my new home I build when the bricks are not soft-spoken manipulations of the truth
but are real bricks that bear weight and hold things up
A real home

he said it was sad. How the moon and sun seemed to be a pair that where drawn to one another but the earth just was in the way. I thought that it was silly to think of it that way. The moon and sun were just a couple in love who stopped to watch a flower unfold. In the span of time that life boomed on the world was relative to use, what a flower would take to unfold its lovely colors and inspire happy. We are part of why the world is so lovely, we are in part something beautiful and the moon and sun are nice enough to notice. We should at least take the time to see how happy they are together.

She sat down next to me and we opened up
As if we had been friends for years
She told me her life
As she came close to tears
Spilling into me
What had taken years
And I lent her words
And she lent her ears
And I talked and talked
And listened so close
Because the words exchanged
Felt so raw, so exposed
Feeling nearness
Feeling understood
Like life outside of me
Wasn’t misunderstood
And at the end
She asked me my name
Beauty in a stranger
I’ll never be the same
the world really
isn't such a lonely place

This year was a finance *** kicking.. Meaning money kicked me in the face. No , meaning that I have no money it all ran away with the feet it kicked me in the face with.
This year was a group of peers closer then I have been with in years, a quest to find my spiritual side and a sixty year old man who forgot he already found love.
This year drained the world of color tell I was left in black… it made me angry so I spit and color bit me back.
This year was every color in every tent and every shade, this year so fast it moved in a blurred haze. This year, was the best vacation trip and friends endless fun, this year was sunburn in summers heated hum
This year was a heated fling, many quiet moments that I held my breath and hoped for the best… countless reasons that show me the universe knows best. I trust in it, intuition always says.
This year I quit a job, this year I got promotions and endless “glad to have you back”. This year was good bye tear streaked cheeks… goodbye pat on backs.  Time to pack some bags
This year I was an artist, this year I couch surfed. This year I restored relationships, this year I learned about me, this year I have someone I want to spend New Year’s with, and he wants to spend it here with me. This year I am 20 and this year I am me. This year was a struggle but a beauty its turn to be.his years summer was ****, sweet, so hot. This year’s winter was cold, but had all warm opened arms. This year was 365 days of life not just living. This year was remember able, this one was for the books.
this year was loss, this year was cancer, this year was family and me chasing after smiles.
this year I was a big sister, this year I was a friend this year I was a lot of things including broken, including whole. This year I learned how to play break down on the guitar. I wrote poetry, I created art.
I cried with my sister inside my enclosed arms. This year I got my sister a job. This year I helped people, this year I accepted help. This was a million moments worth living…
So glad it was me form end to the beginning. This year…. Was ya, this year. How was yours?

Thomas creek keeps moving
This water gives way to childhood play.
I think this place remembers me.
Old gravel road,
potholes lined in Oregon ferns
The same ones that tickled my knees
when I was as young as three
I think they remember me

Lazy light filters down to green
Earth, mud and skipping rocks
Serve as old novelties and
Time ticking clocks.
The only place left
That remembers me.

vast enough to hold my past.
The only green enough that last
Fountain of youth that makes me sprite
Jump into a past with such delight
Thanks for holding on.

Stagnate nostalgia
Remembering skinned knees
Deep breaths, cold water that calmed dread
youth to living all grown up
some things remain the same...
Do you remember my name?
Do you remember me?

time folds around warm kisses and freckled skin
stretching and pulling in
you are a timekeeper my friend
you touch my warmest spots and time just stops, existing.
the only thing left is the way you leave me feeling
tapdancing heartbeats and quivering thighs
intake laughter exhaled sighs
fingertips plunge, taking pleasure in what they have done
throbbing heat and buttons undone
you hold on to a pink petal presentation
slowly taste in hesitation
then with a delivered force
a quickening blow
eyes light up and a smile shows
You know what living with no time can mean
you take pleasure in what it does to me
hot pressed pull and pushing
ohh time keeper you know what you are doing
the pleasure you lead me too
has an equal rush in store for you
passion peek, time still speeds
I have you on your knees
i feel you close behind me
time freed is so fulfilling, so enlightening
time folds around heated skin
i hardly know what year we are in
we have been together for so long
its hard to see it, we still look so young.

I worked 12 hrs straight today, and my feet don't hurt half as much as my heart does. And my body turn, run like wheels, only a fraction that my mind did. Trying to figure out how to un-notice, un-like and un-love. It has never been a Strength of mine to forget, only a weakness when I need to remember.But my feet do hurt, my mind is over worked and I feel, just feel my heart , and I hurt. To bad you don't know I am beautiful.

Heavy lids blanket over lenses I see
The world through
Captured light and movement
Moving me through the soothing day
Laugh and play
Climbing hiking and woodsy earthy smell
Distracting from the hell
That is
Your sickness
Even through pure bliss
I can’t miss
The tortured sad feeling I get
When I come to see you
exhausted , tired eyes begin to cry
Sleep finally takes me

The only thing people do together in loneliness is feel it.
Its once connection or love happens that it’s stolen
But loneliness has a pull in
Like water to a drain
All the molecules the same
But lost, forgot and replaced
Loneliness is a universal thing
But I feel alone in it
Together we hold the solution
But reality is what we perceive
Not what’s actually happening
One of the only things humanity collectively does
Is feel loneliness
Alone
All
Together
The irony

I just want someone to touch
To feel hands hold
My tired withered soul
Have them slide down my thigh
Until they find a sigh
Supple lips, and twinkled eyes
Exploring me with delight
Someone I can hide in
To trace my face and lift my chin
Pull inside warmth
Breath out words
I love…._

why cant i say i need someone to care about me right now
i need someone to want me
to talk to me
to kiss, and long after
what is this disaster i have fallen
into a cycle that is
i admire and see,and feel the beauty of the world
and no one seems to admire, see the fire
to feel or seek me
and that is fine
but thats a lie
i feel so lonely
long for longing
touching a shadow
wishing it could feel me
chase after dreams
that seem to be reality
want hands to hold my face
to draw me in
and share my space
and time after time
i reach my dreams
but i sleep alone
no one is home
but me

Night blankets us. My small twin bed turns into endless space and I only wish to be closer to you.You say you love me and I know you do, you search for me in your sleep. I will never turn you away. Twin beds will never be to small to hold us and the night will never stop feeling so warm. I love the dance we do fitting into each other. Fitting in the ways we see the wold, our perspectives being electrically charges like socked toes on carpet. Your honey covered voice will never stop making me sweet for you.The things you say have me falling in the most enthralling way.The energy rolling off your skin is enough to power a force inside me that faces life with the expectation of happiness.So my love lets be happy.

you change like autumn touching the soft of green leaves gold. You taste like sunlight licking at the surface of an alive body of water. Every ray bouncing up to caress the bottoms of clouds. You are among the most lovely of sunsets. Birds in flight try to rival the corners of your mouth…both looking epic as they rise up. Your heartbeat mimics hummingbirds wings, triumphant of the wind. Don't let such a small thing seem less, no less than what that triumph meant in the perspective of the bird who is amongst it’s seemingly endless struggle. You are boundless, like a caterpillar that has found its wings but grounded because you too once walked the earth and felt life's harshness. the only thing calloused about you is your fingertips, whose only thing they pull at are guitar strings, my bangs from my eyes and my heart strings with your name on them.I derive immense pleasure from what you are made from and what you make with an old guitar and two sets of strings. You are something to write home about.I love you.

I feel like you hold all of me
see all of me
but I'm heavy sometimes
and a lot to look at
I guess that's fine
you feel like an air balloon
but when you are not feeling warm
we start to fall toward the surface of the earth
your desire for me only present when you
want to look at it and make room for it
like you can feel the gravity of us
but its tacking energy you don't always feel like giving
why is it that I fall for those smart enough to see what I can give
but too tired to pour life into the dreams I show them
like knowing a unicorn exists
but horses are easier to take care of
eat less hay
they see that I am special but not as easy
why do I have to be less to be more palatable?
My ability to care for others makes my partners shrink
feel like guilt in not wanting to try like me
they don't want to love like that
This love is too much... energy and life and thought
they don't want to as bright as me
they just want to feel my fire
not to put energy into its light
I can't be less to ease your guilt
I can't be less to be easy
I can't be less for you
I can't be less
I can't

She is so naive,
She is so very far
From anything I am or was
Or care to be a part.
Innocents I wasn’t blessed with
I learned what was hard
And niceness wasn’t a pleasantry,
Not when life gets hard.
Maybe I’m aggressive
I feel way too much.
My life was harder
And I say I don’t give a ****
What else can I say?
What cards can I play?

Pretending that I didn’t fight so hard
For our happiness
That you never gave a **** about
Happy-- ness
I couldn’t outwit the
Discontent, you so willingly would invent
And recreate sadness, with a madness you blamed
On a four people who were unnamed
I’m ashamed that I believed you believed in us
You put your faith no ware, I just wanted you to put it there
To fight for how much I cared
To go out and see, and feel what can’t be explained
That’s the truth, that’s our flame
That turned my stomach
Into this pit of hell
Where knots of hurt, feast
Come together. Well whatever
I still loved you.
She isn’t the same
We are different.

Endlessly fascinating
Glossy morality, hands hold in finality
Sleepy bliss as you find time in me
Why do you stand out to me
Like a light inside night to me
But this isn’t about me
Only what is happening
I have been told I am easy to know
But I feel I am hard to understand
Morality leading me
Blue eyes seeing outside of me
Big dreams conquering
Nightmares seep out freeing me
One person understanding
…. Far from me.
At least he finds time in me
So bright in me
I find him inside of me
Maybe that’s what’s so strange
Fascinating, captivating
Easy to know, harder to understand
In leaving freeing me
I miss you

Validation is what I needed
A hint of support, and I hit the road
Flying high, flying by
Dreams and fingertips
Meet my words, find my grip
Hands on tight
Squint my eyes
How time flies bye
Bye, did I say bye
To my old life
Old friends, changing
My eyes blazing
Passion in my tool box
Art and self reflection
In place of my complexion
only one moment of hesitation
And its when I say goodbye
To you, I sigh.
Open up my arms
And fly

I keep looking back
Grey shades flashing by
Hear the songs fill the air
Bring me back in time
The past is staring me
Directly in my eyes
And yellow separates
Between the finest lines
Fumbling inside myself
Building me back up
Yesterday is fighting hard
Now it’s not locked up
Accelerate the space
Pace and time
Turn back around,
To see myself, I’m fine
In today’s reflections shine
I’m sewed and stitched
Trampled and battered blue
But my insides finally
Upheaved, and I’ve been born a new

I Love the Water

Water in all its complexity
Glides over and caresses me
Tingle and kiss my skin
It’s the warmth that settles in
Its adventure in what is normal
Its unconventional informal
Its clear and showing all that is
When bubbles race for surface
Colors smear and blend
Take a deep breath and hold
Submerge your self in the unknown
Jump off high and land in the night
It will take you to were ever feels right
You are water, you are free
You’re the kiss that’s touching me
Your water in all its simplicity
The comforting chill in the summer breeze
The adrenaline when I dive in
The uncertainty in the certain
The fun that is behind the curtain
The joy and play that happens
When you love the water your swimming in
I love this water, this chilling thrill
I love the way you move
I love all the things you do.
I love the water

What dream are you dreaming?
What are you missing, seams tearing
Bearing the weight, hungry children haven’t ate
Picket fence, just a gate
Locking you in, a stagnate state
American dream, American dream
Seams tearing, weight bearing
Tick tock alarm clock blaring
Swearing up and down
That you will be more
more than what you are around
But equality is only ideology
Reality is brutality
Suburbia only exists
On top of working class fists, stress
Test, testing schools underfunded
Mothers gone, and fathers drunk loving
Lies, corruption
Deceived by our own government
Monsanto’s sits on the top of the hill
Selling people food, that only kills
Pharmaceutical companies with overpriced pills
Poverty at a rate
That is sending chills
What dream are we dreaming?

I just feel
Numbness in the breath
Like it neglects
To bring me to life
Inside of me
Echoing
Times that felt so right
Loneliness anchoring me
To the bottom of
What I was above
Swimming
Flailing
Abandonment
Ties me down
To my bed
Ill stay here.

Moments before you hit cold water
Silence holding the still surface of fresh fallen snow
**** wiggles of a cat who has locked on to its target
Small inhale right before an *******
Sunshine kissing your cheek
Riding on the handlebars of your best friends bike
Blanket fort filled with wonder and shadow puppets
Solving the puzzle, fixing the thing
A smile across tear filled cheeks
Finding a misplaced laugh
A twenty dollar bill found on floor
home.
# new love#chris

Step, I take a breath
Turn around, who is left?
Anger pass, guilt is gone
I ran so fast, and now I’m strong
I pant no more, but breathing soars
I look, search
Try to see
Past thick masks, tall, tall trees
I turn over rocks, I avoid the bees
Slight sting, in the back of memoirs
Where are the people, where can they be
I look for their faces, why can’t I see?
Few stand where many had
Their faces glow, and I’m not mad
Those few have shown me love
But I still search for the ones who have gone
The rocks began to shake, the earth it quake
I stop looking, and I will wait.

Her little yellow face
Her week voice it shakes
Frail thin waste
Wasting, fear lit
Eyes find
She is lovely
Sweet, divine
But time runs
Her eyes closing
Curtains fall
But she is still posing
Laughter’s fled
Smiles wear
Eyes tear up
Im far from here.
I love you
Heart ache

We lay under a tented plush
Skin so warm
A boiling blush
Your smooth voice
Lower to a honey hush
You whispered
Childs play in your eyes
As do I
You lean in, I push up
Electricity, we light up
Even in the darkest night
We shine brighter
Then the stars we sight
You are burning livelier
I draw you in
And listen
To the sound that beckons
The grown you make
heart quickens
My favorite sounds to listen
Miro I fancy you.
I really do
I just want your whisper

Wild Fire Dancing

Wild fire dancing in electric red and orange
Softly making noise
Warmth that feels across a face
All consuming charm filling in my space
Exploding out so far
Reaching out my arms
Singing through the silence
Refuse to be beat
Holding down the violence
Past is passing, green grass is lasting
Hold my breath, fasting
Chasing after
Happy ever after
With happy in my hands
That’s my plan
I’m wild fire dancing

I am fine; the winter can only make me so cold
Only chill me to the bone, not the depths of soul
No need for warm exotic touch, steamy breath
Hearts lifting up, I have no place for a feel
That flies over me, like a seagull over sea
No room for tears on lonely years
Just a sigh, just me in a lonely season
Its no reason….
To miss the taste of love

I take up space because I am valuable.
I say that as I eat and rejoice in my outward growth
Delighted in food as it hits my mouth, and how it hugs my body.
I say that as I stretch out on the bus
Tacking no less room then the man spread that is so recklessly unaware of itself.
I say that as I raise my voice refusing silencers
His voice will not penetrate an overwhelming truth, no matter how loud he speaks over me
I say that as I stand tall, combating the overlooker
I sway surly and head held high as I am worthy
As I celebrate my *******
Praise the blood that shows my strengths
I cast away the thought that a bleeding thing is weak
Is it not true that he has been known to bleed too?
I take up space because I am valuable
Treasured for my thoughts and wholeness
I say that as I work out, muscles showing
My strength oblivious to the male ego, without fear of being any less of a woman
I say that as I challenge myself and others
Because meekness was something I was taught, not something that I am.
I say that as I refuse to be consumed
I am not a product for pleasure I am a human, a consciousness with feeling.
I say that as I really am, as a goddess, a queen, an equal
An individual with agency and determination
As I celebrate my character
Praise the misguided for building me up
Refuting the idea that blood is shameful
Because my womanhood is in part my pride
I say that I am valuable very simply,
because I am

Never know why some words stick to people
Living in a world thrumming with life
Words gluing us together
But so many just hum
Pass by
in one ear and into the atmosphere
What dictates what sticks?
Does it come from the person
Whatever makes them tick
If I found the key
Could I use it to
Make my words just stick to you?
As they pass right through you
Others pick them up
Aww struck
Cant believe their luck
Why try, give a ****
When words won’t stick
But maybe if I pick more carefully
But others stair at me
So strange, you see
My words should stick.

How do you write love?
LOVE
id say like that.
or perhaps its when a little brother grows older
and he still lets you call him little brother
as he stands, stature climbing over yours

or perhaps its in a little sisters
toothless grin,or dimpled chin
and silly giggles and sleepy eyes

of perhaps in a lovers promise
always and forever
kissing, hugging, snuggling
perhaps

maybe in a mothers arms
in her will, in her charm
found amoung her asperations
in place of a new found fasination
a babies cry
or maybe writing love, says it all
L-O-V-E
or maybe thats how you write love
mybe just letters with emplied meaning, or all the above