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 May 2013 Tea
Sean Yessayan
I don't know quite when
but one day the world will end
will you join me then?
 May 2013 Tea
Sean Yessayan
How do I thank the one
to whom I owe my entire existence?
From the smile I share, to my wavy brown hair,
to the blood flowing through my veins

To thank her fully I think I'd need
each one of a beach's grains of sand--
one for every bit of love she's shared
lifting my soul from frequent despair.

Though that still wouldn't be enough
I'd then need every star in every galaxy
to then shed light on her beauty
and even then they'd be a pale analogy

So I call on the oceans and the seas,
who have separated many, for generations,
on how to cope with the distance
and how others survived such separation.

When we're apart you must feel idle,
alone, and often unthought of--
but truly you're a lifeline, that to me is vital;
therefore, never discount your worth for a second.

So I apologize for the sleepless nights,
spent waiting for me to come home and those spent worrying,
and sorry for leaving your nest so suddenly,
even though you'd wished you could stop my flying.

But I thank you, for never thinking ill of me,
and for nurturing who I turned out to be,
and for unconditional love, though I'm unworthy,
and most of all, for being my mother, and ever so motherly
I feel like you just dropped me
And I was so afraid
Of the winds friction against me
Of my stomach flipping
Of the things behind me
That my eyes were misting,
Afraid to hurt as I hurdled
As all my weight
Gave gravity leverage over me.
I know what its like to gather
Fractured pieces of your essence
To have your dreams pool at your feet
While you bleed abandonment.
I want to find you I seek
Your face and that sense
Of naivety
Your safety always gave me.
You provided stability to hope,
You fueled my dreams,
You made me believe
I was worth something.
Your eyes will be the last I see
On impact
Your laugh will echo in
All my bad dreams to come undone to.
I’m done playing this game with you.
And it hurts to smash face first
Onto frozen dirt.
But I’m a lot harder now
My hallow chest falls slower
This person I have become
You’ll never really know her.
She doesn’t fracture at the thought
Of your next abandonment
She doesn't hurt anymore
As a means of self punishment.
I promise, here watch me step off the edge
It’s not enough to want me.
Part of me is still dead or dying
Over all those things you said.  
My heart bleeds and my head
Swirls with all these lessons you have taught me.
Scared: the invaluable opportunity life provides us to be brave.
There is only forward head down,
Gut wrenched in a twist
Step,
Move ,
Closer,
Eyes cast down I pretend I don’t know her,
Until my eyes transcend this mundane
Headed for the door
Utterly perpetual inevitable encounter,
Walk a bit faster,
Take haste
I swear sometimes
That girl in the reflection
Takes chase.
I hate you she’s murmuring
Fresh wounds burning
Fleeting like
The beat of her
Step,
Step,
Steps
Are reassuring.
And this negative self image
Isn't reoccurring.
 Apr 2013 Tea
Nathan
Me
 Apr 2013 Tea
Nathan
Me
Yesterday, I was.
Today, I am.
Tomorrow, I will be.
Me.
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