I loved you and you didn’t love yourself
I set you free and I hoped I’d be okay
Hope that the lost soul would find a happy place
Maze leading to a space
Were math problems weren’t the only way to make a mistake
Just to put your faith in something to really believe it’s true
Maybe that’s why we are broken…
Because you never believed in me an you
Because my honesty could never fix
The sickness you invent.
Your hiding from the sun, was to keep it out of sight
The fighting for happiness that you never felt was right
It makes since you would care less, you just don’t have the fight.
I fought for you so very hard, and I know that you cared
But I step back, breath so hard I can’t hear
She is so young
She can’t even see
You would put her there
Where I use to be
And you say it is the same
And now you don’t believe
What was I fighting for?
I just want to leave

I stood there with my hands out begging for forgiveness
She gave it but I wilted, until the sun help me to stand
And together we grew on common ground
Understanding fueling my defeat of grief
Leafs budding from rooted truth
We healed with what we both knew
Time passed by, I loved her still
Her freckled face, her sheer will
She was the brightest flower I had seen
But her brilliance became less green
She would take the nurturance we once had shared
She started pulling at my petals
Telling me I wasn’t bright
Saying things to make her light shine
And sneaking all the sun
I let it be, I let her have her fun
I took it every time
Knowing she had once took mine
Thorns took place of soft vulnerabilities
And she stung instead of happy memories
What happened to that flower?
What happened to her power?
What happened to the beauty?
When did you get so *****?

Only To Test The water
Static, still unmovable
Freezing up and slowing
World tilting and growning
I am owning up and coming up
Through the cracks of expectation
They all lay wait in a crazed fascination
Like I am suppose to come alive in a new safe haven
Like I am the same way, before they left me
A new home and place is suppose to lay a foundation
lay the ground work for a new creation
A stronger me, and new me, one that knows how to smile
They think I fight it, but it just was put away
Frosty water laps at my past, I’m too slow to move so fast
The world is warm and moves with haste
I sit so still as the ice crystals form around my face
And it aches and it burns and my heart twist and it turns
Salty water drips sown my cheeks and the sun begins to leave
Who is anyone to limit me and what that means
I mean to explore and to understand, not to undermined
To switch the malevolent movement of the water
I never sought to make them mad, to hurt with sand
Only to test the water.

We held our hands and the world tried to break us
We held our gaze because hate couldn’t shake us
We felt alright because we were there through the night
We watched the world smudge with fear
Violence in innocents tears
I could handle it all, because most of all
I knew you would be there
I knew we would be there
We listened and learned
We would both take our turn
Big sister I’m sorry I missed you
And now you forgot, but I still have not
I’m so sorry I missed you

We held hands because the world tried to break us
We held our gaze because hate couldn’t shake us
We felt alright because we were there through the night
And through fear and neglect
Through insanity and confusion
And roughhouses bruising
I’m sorry I missed you my friend
I’m so sorry I missed you
I would just kiss you
And now you don’t need me
Now you can’t see me
And now I’m just missing my friend

I am just as bright, but hidden inside.
Behind the doors of this home
Inside the walls of my skin
Behind windows and eyelids

I am just as beautiful as I was then
In the reflection, in what’s with in
In the soft of my skin and light personality
In the way that I think, in what’s reality

I am just as loveable, but alone
In the dead of the night, when I dream so dreary
When I am metaphorically seeking, weeping
When I’m in an embrace, with a lover’s charade

I am still me, just no one can see
I am just as bright, beautiful and loveable
Just alone
Until he arrives, and I know that I show

Silence
Says the world around me
I spend so much time looking for my friends and my family
But the world it shushes, and it hushes me
Lulls me, sings me a melody
Of possibility, but doesn’t tell the truth
Silence
Says the world around me
I reach out so desperately, to have the closeness I once had
But the harder I try, the more that I strive, leads to ……
Nothing, but I need something, I scream
I need to speak out, but no one’s around
Silence
Says the people around me
A crowd of remembered faces, all faded
( why do the shush me, and hush me?)
I had known them to love me
Is nothing above me, below me
Can’t anyone hear me, a wine or a whistle?
Silence
Silence
Silence
I am still hear.

Afraid of Fire and Frigid Bite.

sanity colliding with urging action
at first alone and forgotten
stricken with a fierce confusion
tired of the fight against allusion

I only hoped to let you know,
how I felt so alone..
but you held out a safety rope
drowning, gag and choke
I grabbed it and began to float
confused and afraid of hurt
I hold on but still afraid to lurk
lurk closer to knowing you
the pain can sting and so can you


but a beauties their, deep and clear
its glowing light draws me near
afraid of fire.. but not of warmth
I fight the frost on the earth
a fire blisters or a frigid bite
the day to far from fear of night
so I walk a razor edge
I tiptoe a dotted line
with only you on my mind