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49 · Nov 2020
Next
Rebekah Crews Nov 2020
I think Letting go of something
that meant a lot to is
Harder then the first time
Because it bring back
The pain of the people who did it to you first
And the memories
Of you falling apart
One by one
To where you can’t get out of bed
To you just want someone to hold you
So you just hold you self
Because no one can do it
You try to get up
But the Weight on you chest
Push you down more and more
Where you just lay there
In the dark
Till another person come to get you up
And put you in the light
Till they do the same 
As him
Or  that one girl you met this summer
Because they just like the others


RLC
49 · Dec 2020
Gone
Rebekah Crews Dec 2020
Time after time
The same thing happened
They are there and then
They are  gone
You think about them every day
But they never do the same
It's like I was never in their life
But they were  in mine
Because when it's all over
When time stops
I won't keep calling
I won't ask for them  back
Because I won't be back
Is it better for them
To see you in your casket
Or actually, see you in person
I don't know because
It's to late
Because I'm not even in they're life anymore
Gone for good

RLC
49 · Oct 2020
I wish
Rebekah Crews Oct 2020
Tomorrow...
I wish last year on that cold October day
Didn't happens
I wish I never lose what I did
I wish she were still  the same girl
But that day change who she was not better
But worst
What you had
What made you happy
It disappeared
And that girl did to
And everything that happens
The mountains she saw got taller and colder
She got lost in the woods
And she lost more then she thought she would
I wish it had never happened
But you can't erase that cold October day
What happens last year
Tomorrow......

RLC
48 · Nov 2020
Everyday
Rebekah Crews Nov 2020
What the point to keep going
Because everday get worst and worst
Everyday People start to fade and leave you  
Everyday you ask your self would they actually miss me
But you already know they won’t  
Everyday you sit there thinking is it time yet
Everyday bring more pain
Everyday another thing happend
Everyday  you ask yourself
Why  did the 10 time you did it  didn’t work
Everyday you keep braking
Everyday you just want to be a different person
Everyday just keeps going and going
You just want it to stop.

RLC
48 · Aug 2020
The mud
Rebekah Crews Aug 2020
The past is like mud
It’s all messes and hard to get off
Try to climb out, but it’s all sticky
But the thing  is the mud is was what saved me
But did you know
The mud is like the past the pain everything that happens
Is what make you stronger
And in reality
Mud is what  saves me from dying
Everyone says it a miracle
As they wipe the mud off my face
And tell me to tell my story.


RLC
48 · Nov 2020
Let me go
Rebekah Crews Nov 2020
When will it be all over
Just let me go already
I’m tired of this
You already know how this will end
So let me go
Nothing is going to stop me

RLC
47 · Apr 2020
Thats ME
Rebekah Crews Apr 2020
It was like a gasp of air when I was born
My sister wanted a sister
but when she saw me she didn’t want that baby
Days turned in to month into years
My sister never wanted to play
I tried to make friend
I thought I had some
I guess she was one of my best friend
It was her birthday
I worked ******* a card
She said she wasn’t have a birthday party
But if you look on Instagram
She did
By 6th grade they all had changed
I moved schools
I thought I was going to get a chance to start over
But the kid they didn’t lie the told me the truth
The truth about how I look
The truth about how annoying I am
They torn my apart
By texted message
I would be the one who got in trouble
When they would tell me
if you where skinny and had long hair I would like you
Write notes about me
And laughs
For 4 year I had to deal with that
I work hard to get back to the school where everyone lied  
I thought it was going to be sun shine and rainbows
But when I go back
I thought they would change like I did
But no… no..no
They where worst
Everyday I would come in with a smile
Do my work
But when I talked
One girl said thank God I’m out of it so I don’t need to listen to her
When I went to lunch I would try and try to make a friend
But they would walk away or start saying rude stuff
Or shoving water bottle up they throat and make noise till I left
I would talk to someone one about this he was one of the guys at the lunch table
He said I’m sorry
He said people cared
He said people love you
3 Month go by with out a word from me
I stared text him again
He says sorry I can’t do this anymore
You can’t just do this to me
I have no one
He says his sorry
But I was stupid
So I open up about everything
I shouldn’t have
But I did…
He said ill meet you before class
I was happy for ones
But when I was going to class
One of the teacher grab me
And said let go
I was confuse
But know I now what happened
He told someone something
I started to text
And I see
That he was done with me
He bloke me
I was gasping for air
It was like I was drowning
I couldn’t breath
He was the only friend I had
At the stupid school
My life was ruined by people at school
Everyday I perseverate
Over and over about school
And what I could have done
So I wasn’t the girl called annoying girl
Or the one who lost everything because of her
And that me.

RLC
47 · Mar 2020
Broken
Rebekah Crews Mar 2020
I believe he loves me But I don’t love myself.
I don’t deserve to be loved. He tells me I am beautiful.
But When I look In to the mirror all I see is the ugliness inside.
I’m broken
No one wants me
Especially him
He doesn’t want someone who is broken.
My heart tells me he loves me but my mind says no My mind is racing.
I am lost.
What is love?


RLC
45 · Nov 2020
Hold on
Rebekah Crews Nov 2020
It tried to hold on
But you broke it more
And what she had left
Was just a little bit
But it all gone now
She gone
You lost her
She fell to deep she can't get out  


RLC
45 · Oct 2020
Let go
Rebekah Crews Oct 2020
What we use to be is not the same anymore
We use to be something
She doesn't  know how to explain it
But that was in the past and
Now every time she thinks about it
her face gets the plan, and she can't breath
Everyone tells her, you need to let go
But that night she called him
She thought he would hang up
He didn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth
She asks him before he goes
She wants a final goodbye
He said ok
And told her what she needs to hear
And now it time for her to let go
Of the past with him
And move on
RLC
45 · Oct 2020
Love
Rebekah Crews Oct 2020
I’m falling for you
I hope you falling in love to
Because I need you

RLC
44 · Nov 2020
The story
Rebekah Crews Nov 2020
Each time
The same thing happened
And now I know what keeps happening
It wasn’t you
It was me
I wish I could go back to make it better
But the pages of the book
Are ruined
And that chapter is done
I wish the story could have kept going
But it couldn't handle what was happening
So it was over before the story was ready to end
The book is close
The story is over

RLC
44 · Mar 2020
Now He Knows
Rebekah Crews Mar 2020
As she gets on more and more pills
She doesn’t know someone cares
But as that person doesn’t tell her
About how much he loves her
It was too late for him
Too late for her to see that he did love her
As he goes to schools, he wonders where she is
As he asks
They say she gone for good
He falls to the floor and cry
like that girl did for days



RLC
44 · Oct 2020
Before last October
Rebekah Crews Oct 2020
She wants to go back before last October
When everything was perfect with you
As time go by
Everything changed
The girl you knew isn’t the same
And what we had isn’t like it used to be
Those laughs start to fade
Into not try to think of you
All we have is nothing now
All she wants is go back to before last October
Where it was good
had everything She wanted
But now she stuck in the fog, and his moving on

RLC
41 · Mar 2020
Out Loud
Rebekah Crews Mar 2020
Im supposed to be happy right ?
Everyone thinks that I am .
But that is a big joke.  
Everyday I try to hold it in
But my mind is  trapped in my body
I struggle to say the words out loud  
But out loud is scary  
The words are like a  scream for help
But I cant… I just cant
When they ask me if I’m fine
I shut down and smile  
I try so hard everyday to be perfect
But the girl in my soul is scream louder
Is it ever going to get better?


          -RLC
39 · Mar 2020
Behind walls
Rebekah Crews Mar 2020
This memory bring back to much pain
This pain is hidden behind these walls
These walls build higher and higher
Each day bring more suffering she want
The suffering to stop those pills she think
Helps get Rid of those memory
When they stop working she falls down
Again she build up those wall
as those walls fall down
When she in her room
At 3 am thinking about those memories
As she opens the pill bottle she wonder
If she’ll ever be happy
But as those memories flood back
she want it to stop
One swallow and it stops

RLC
39 · Sep 2020
4am
Rebekah Crews Sep 2020
4am
walking down the street
it all a blur
can't feel a thing
look down at the phone
left 3 voicemails
one for him and the lies
one for the girl who couldn't keep a promise
one to tell her story
1 text
tell her you loved her and it not her fault...
you mouth all dry
it 4am
you put your headphones on
the song Go Solo  on repeat
you sit there  looking up to the sky
whispering, let me go
falling down to the ground
people say your life flashes before you eyes
but she didn't see anything
hit the ground
and lays there in pain
and looks up at the stars
and closed her eyes

RLC
38 · Mar 2020
Gone Like The Wind
Rebekah Crews Mar 2020
You say you care
You say you’ll never
     LEAVE
But all those where
        LIES
If you cared you wouldn’t have
         LEFT
No
     G
       O
          O
            D
               B
                 Y
                    E
Just a girl who
    LOSE
  EVERONE
The girl thought
They would never leave
But once she open up
**** their
   GONE
         LIKE
               THE
                      WIND


RLC
38 · Oct 2020
She gone
Rebekah Crews Oct 2020
What happened to her
She uses to be this girl
But she disappears
He wants her to laugh again like how
she did before
But it too late
She gone
And she wishes she could be her again
But she can’t come back
She never can
Because that girl you knew is gone
She lost her self
And she can't come back
The bright red cheeks
Are now pale and have dark circles
around her eyes
And to many secret
To hold in


RLC
37 · Mar 2020
IF
Rebekah Crews Mar 2020
IF
If I had long hair then you would have like me better
If I had  a hourglass body you would want me
If I weren’t annoying  then you would have talk to me in the hallway
But I’m none of that!
I am not perfect
I am not that one girl
I don’t think you know
just think I have feeling too
You don’t know how much I cry to you hurtful words
You don’t get it
If I was just perfect you would have cared
You would have loved me.
36 · Oct 2020
Her
Rebekah Crews Oct 2020
Her
You say you don’t want to hurt me
But as I see you with her
It hurts
I think
Why dose he
L
  O
      V
         E
Her
But
N
O
T
Me
I hold back the tears
When I know she pretty
And all you see are my scars
Of the pain of the past
And the pain in my eyes
When I hear her name in you mouth
And say
we’re  just not for eachother
When you where the best thing that happend
This summer
But the best thing that happens to you this summer was
Her....

RLC
35 · Mar 2020
He going to be the one
Rebekah Crews Mar 2020
As she keeps on telling herself that
he going to be the one people there for her always
But days pass then month
At school, he would be with his friends laughing at her
Every day she would text him
He would say sorry as always
She says would you be like other people in my past
He says I’m not like those people I promise
she says ok…
Then three month goes by without a word from her
She comes back no one knew she was gone
She starts to talk to him again
He tells her he needs to stop text her
But she doesn’t want him to leave her as everyone does
So she opens up more about everything
He says people care
He says people love her
She doesn’t believe him
She says no one does
She wishes he were going to say he loved her
But wishes don’t come true
So she goes to class all happy to see him after class
Then she found something out that she couldn’t  Believe
She goes to the phone to say something
Tears fall down her cheek her heart shattered  
She believes that he was who she thought he was she didn’t know how long
she thought she always knew he was going to be there
But now she realizes he like everyone from her past
RLC
35 · Sep 2020
Need
Rebekah Crews Sep 2020
I want you
But you want her
And your never want me
But you don’t want to hurt me
But it hurts to see you with her
I want you to want me
But instead, you say
you need me
Does she do what I do
Do she make you need her
Does she say your name
Will she tell you the secret
That she hasn't told anyone
I just want you
But instead, you need me
But is what you need
More then what you want?
RLC
35 · Sep 2020
The
Rebekah Crews Sep 2020
The
When will it stop
The pain
The lies
The mask
The overthinking
It stops
At
The
End
Where there is no more
The
Because it done
Life is done and it’s gone.
RLC
34 · Mar 2020
love
Rebekah Crews Mar 2020
“I love you”
Those words
F
  A
    D
       E

In the back of her mind
As He says it
She cant stand those lies
The lies that he really love her
What is
      L
         O
             V
                 E

If he never did mean it?
What the point of happy ever after
If there no true love
  


            - RLC
33 · Jun 2020
The Car
Rebekah Crews Jun 2020
you hand on my thigh
you pull me in and kiss me
it felt good
but then when it all starts
him touching me more
his lips on my neck
I away thought it would be with someone I loved
it was like I was getting numb
all I wanted was someone to love me
he felt good
he wanted me
but I didn't want myself
I didn't feel a thing
and I close my eyes
until he was finish
as I get out of the car
I feel nothing


RLC
33 · May 2020
Your not the first
Rebekah Crews May 2020
Your not the first...
Stay and let me explain
It took 16 year to find you
When October came I knew you cared
3 month go by with out a word
Come back everything shattered
They say I need to change
I try
Text by text everything goes wrong
Lost one
Then two
I never knew it would take a second to loss someone
As time goes by wonder what I could have done
Wrote a note
Tell her you love her
Your where happy for once because you finally told someone that
4 year ago I told that to someone who died
And I never said it again
But I said it to you
But I guess everyone you love
leave you
Your not the first

-RLC
32 · Aug 25
Abandonment.
Rebekah Crews Aug 25
Empty space
It  Laces with the feeling
Of the past aren’t you tired
being tied to the ending
It  never ends  
It keeps going around and around
Like  a roundabout
It latches on to you
You lack the love
the past locks you up
Afraid of love
Put a lock on the emotions
Empty the feeling
Don’t make a fuss
the past its exhausted and confused
You are losing
it haunts you
Always will
you don’t expect
The  same things to hunt you
Until it hurts you
What’s  the meaning behind the emptiness
That Happiness?
is The lack of sympathy
the path of the people
That abandoned you
Why does it repeat it just won’t  stop
Don’t lie your tired
it’s exhausting
It doesn't Change
it ties  to you
Your lost
Most of the Hope hangs  in your eyes
It drains  like rain that keeps clogging
you change lanes to get through
Your longing  for a Connection
But nothing  stays
everything It just doesn't
fix anything the lies
that lays with you
It’s the list that lingers
And lack of love trigger's you
That itch that lingers the feeling
Your out of place
You don’t belong
here or there or anywhere  
The environment lacks every moment
you long for
to feel the warmth and unconditional love
But it’s unbelievable
you let the fear of being hurt
Ruin the moment of someone that could have been a true friend .
Your scared
The scars of abandonment
It’s not about the moments
Its the reality
Of the truth
Years of yearning
You learn reality it  is the only thing that you try so hard not to realize the truth in
But you already knew the truth it isn’t new
You just wanted to lie to believe
you will be happy someday

RLC

— The End —