As I walk, I dream
Slowly letting my spirit teem
I go through this life, filled with strife
Floating along like a simple moonbeam

Away on ships I go
To where exactly, I do not know
Somewhere away from the pain so I won't have to feign
This pathetic masquerade of a show

Roses float around me
Gently in the sea
It stretches out, rolling about
As calm as it ever could be

Deep in shadows I rest in wait
Meeting you at the floral gate
Though nowhere you are, as you're up with the stars
And so shall forever be late

The clock ticks slowly, by and by
Accompanying me while I cry
Under my blanket of air I still feel you there
Whispering "I love you" and wiping my eye

Promises have been broken by you
Everything I heard was true
But if that's the case why do I still miss the face
Of the one I thought I knew

Play a song for me, I'll shed not a tear
Though I have much to fear
You disappeared from my sight, took away my light
Now each day feels like a year

Time engulf me, make this end
A letter to you I shall send
Hold me tight, I won't put up a fight
If only peace you can lend

A hundred reasons to cry
And I don't even know why
But I know with you here there's nothing to fear
Even though you're up in the sky

Another good night to you my dear
Please don't shed another tear
I am with you, know it is true
And remember you have nothing to fear

Dream once again of happier things
Like jokes and juggling and the joy to sing
Do not forget these, hold on to them, please
And remember the happiness I can bring

Time Tracing.
Taken thoughts through broken seconds.
Once again,
this enclave,
this oasis
holds shadows of shattered city folk
who repose in yellowing leaves
and heavy air.

A manufactured spirit roars outside this  fundamental square;
a pulsating rolling mechanical moment
that turns tears to poison.

Down the road ancient gods bleed in forgotten palaces
where only the old worship now.
Youth sees hate;
Youth sees lies;
Youth sees life;
Outside the
burning heart.

It's been five years
since the Moon spoke to me
And I did my best to listen
and remember

I'd never been more lost
never felt more alone and confused
never been closer to death
than I was that year
Technically an accident
but living so recklessly
"accidents" become a near certainty
so I am not free of responsibility
I nearly ended my self

Grasping at straws for months on end
Clutching at any whispered fragment of hope
of a Way Out
One morning
I heard a news report
about an upcoming celestial event
a Total Lunar Eclipse
of the Full Moon
I barely noticed it
thought nothing of it
changed the channel
and landed on a cartoon
about the embodiment of the Tao
in the Spirit of the Moon
and something clicked
I know that click
I'm intimately familiar with that click
I have been my whole life
But it'd been almost a year since I'd last felt it
I thought it was gone
gone forever
but here it was again
from a news report
and a cartoon
a cartoon!
of all things
but unmistakeable nonetheless
something about the Tao
and the Moon
and an eclipse

That night five years ago
the night of the eclipse
I didn't know what to do
I almost gave up
but I finally decided to go through with it
out of a sense of absolute desperation
I had nothing left
I might as well
At the appointed time
I took my posture
half-lotus in front of my altar
set flame to candle
and recel
I tried to relax
to let go
to empty myself
I found my Center Mind
and reached inward
to the Void
When it was time I let myself go
drifting up out of my body
flying through the atmosphere
floating in space
above the Earth
staring at the glowing white surface of the Moon
filling my vision
with cratered beauty
and profound grace

And I waited
I watched as a shadow crept across the face of the Moon
from East to West
as the Earth behind me
moved slowly between us and the Sun
And I waited
until the shadow blotted out the Moon entirely
leaving me in darkness
And I waited

And nothing happened

And I felt something inside me break
I had been so certain
that click had always meant The Way before
but nothing had happened
I must really be Lost then
so I gave up
and started to let myself fall back to my body

Just then
the eclipse broke
as the Earth continued on its Way
the shadow began to leave the face of the Moon
a brilliant crescent of white light blinded me from the eastern edge
and I heard a voice that was not my own say

All things that Are, are Change

As amazing as the experience was
a voice inside my head
that I did not recognize
I was still let down
What it had said was
hardly news to me
a paraphrasing of Heraclitus
"All things that Are, are Fire"
The only Constant is Change
Nothing is Certain
except Uncertainty
et cetera
I knew that
had been living it
for years
the purview of Chaos
Nothing is True
and Everything is Permitted
Kids' stuff
arm-chair mysticism
Tell me something I don't know
I said
And the voice answered

You cannot be Good
You cannot be Bad
You can only Be

And suddenly I knew
what should've been obvious
all along
Good and Bad are entirely subjective
just ideas
not Truth
their existence depends entirely
on our particular point of view
at any given moment
there is no single thing in this Universe
that is entirely Good
or entirely Bad
every single thing is both
Good and Bad
depending on your circumstance
your point of view
how you look at it
just as no single thing in this Universe
is entirely Yin
or entirely Yang
every single thing is both
Yin and Yang
that is the Way
that is the Tao

How had I lost sight of that?
What had happened to me?
I wanted more
I knew there was more
I asked the Spirit of the Moon
What else?
and Manni-Moon-Yin replied

Look on the Bright Side
Make the Most of it

Again it suddenly seemed so obvious
it followed naturally that
if all things are both
Good and Bad
then it must be our choice
to view them either one way
or the other
Joy is not a circumstance
Happiness is not an event
something beyond our control
that we must wait for
wait until it happens to us
No
It is a choice
it is something that we do
or don't do
So if there is Good in every single thing
then all I need to do
is choose to see it

Reeling
Overwhelmed
Overcome
Humbled
Awed
I asked
Is that all?
And Manni-Moon-Yin replied

You are Amazing
And so is Everyone Else

Human existence is
astronomically improbable
We should not exist
We are the end result
of a billion
one-in-a-billion chances
all coming up Jackpot
even the worst of Us
is an absolute ******* miracle of Nature
the most amazing thing in the known Universe
the Living Embodiment of Tao
a Human Being
an astounding accident
a chemical formula so complex
that it has become aware of itself
and I am one of them
and I should never lose sight of that
I am one of these ridiculously
outrageously
amazing pinpoints of sentience
and so is every single other person I will ever see
or hear
or touch
or encounter in any way
throughout my entire life
Each person is an Individual
and I can't know them
can't know their experience
or their circumstance
so it is unfair
and pointless
and rather ridiculous
to try and judge them
when we are all equally amazing
each in our own Way

I said Goodbye then
to Sifu
to Master
to Manni-Moon-Yin
and slowly fell back to Earth
back to my body
back to my self
anchored by Knowing
by finally Knowing
something
some True thing
again
with certainty
and clarity

To this day
I do not know
whose voice I heard that night
the Moon Spirit's
or my own
my Unconscious
and I don't care
it makes no difference to me
either way
because the words that voice spoke
are Truth
undeniable
inarguable
solid
foundational
Truth
and I will remember them
for as long as I live
and as long as I remember them
I will never again
be lost

through the snow
through the sleet
the hail the fog the wind,
outpours the stack
of choke- worthy smoke.
beneath,
the tug boat
with nothing to haul.
forcing and
chugging with it's head down
through the black
syrupy waters.
using only the friendly stars
as a guide
(when they're not covered by the passing hurricane)
the boat
or small ship
pushes north

toward something

when you're alone, you don't have to defend your motives
when you're alone, you don't have to have five good reasons
or three
or even one

every action has a consequence
maybe every action has an antecedent
sometimes i just don't want to investigate.

it's as if
everyone else lives to.

sometimes
i'm just difficult.
i'm just emotional, i'm just irrational, i'm just impulsive.

but if i was predictable, who would bother predicting?

it's embarrassingly easy to confuse people.

I wonder if her lips trembled when she was told.
Did tears run down her face or was she just silent?
My life was ended before I got to see her.
Leaving was the hardest thing to do.
Hadn’t it been our birthday that day?
I was on my way to see her.
The first year passed and I wondered if she was okay.
I bet she walked around with a smile.
She was always stronger than me.
When I left I didn’t know if she’d miss me.
I was a broken person, always leaning on her.
She was always there for me when I needed comfort.
In the second year, did she stop coming to my grave?
When I left, did she finally break?
I wanted to watch over her and keep her safe.
Does she hate our birthday now?
I would if things had been the other way around.
I would not be able to celebrate.
Three years pass and I wonder if she’d forgotten my face.
I stopped counting the days long ago but I know she still does.
I wish I could say sorry because I didn’t want to leave.
Three more minutes and my life may not have gone away.
The car would of gone by and the road would have been clear.
When four years pass will she be able to talk about me again?
Will a smile cross her face when she thinks of me?
When I left, I didn’t think it’d be this way.
Does she think I meant to leave?

Pocketa, pocketa
Christopher B. Behrens
pianist, classical
fell on his assical
shattered his spine

Married his sweetie
Recovered completely
six kids and two keeties
all keep him line

Yacketa, yacketa
Christopher B. Behrens
Loves his Lord Jesus
Who loves us and sees us
Through thick and through thin

Lots sixty pounds of fat
Jumpin' Jehosaphat
Some might think that proves that
he's full of win

Ceteris Paribus
Christopher B. Behrens
Is deeply musical
sometimes confusical
Plays on guitars

To kids at their bedtime
He sings "You're my Sunshine"
And sometimes at nighttime
he smokes a cigar

Hexasyllabically
Christopher B. Behrens
Econ and Business
But software's like Christmas
And work is like play

Deskwise, a Latinist
Cat-In-the-Hatinist
Vobiscum Dominus
Have a nice day.