It's so strange to admit
That I miss touches
That I miss laying against someone
And watching our favorite movie
And knowing it so well
That most of the time
We just quote the lines

I miss feeling someone lips on mine
Distraction kisses
So I get a few more points in a game

I miss being loved
In a Rose tinted light

What am I doing wrong?

I'd like to stay here a while,
Is that alright?

Just let me lay here while you talk
And talk
And talk
And I'll listen,
Is that alright?

Can I cheer you on,
When no one else does?
Is that alright?

I'd like to hear you ramble excitedly
About things I dont understand,
Is that alright?

Is it alright for me to care so much,
So devote myself to helping you?

Is it alright for me to put everyone above me?

Is this alright?

Am I alright?

Is it right for me to think like this?
To make my choices
Based on how fun someone looks?

Because ****
I feel selfish and shallow
But why should I?
I just want to have fun
What's so wrong about that?

I dont enjoy being bored
So will you be fun?

Why is it such a shock
That a girl like me
Wants fun

The people I spend time around
Aren't the type
To have my kind of fun
And that's fine
Because eventually
I'll find my fun

I’m tired
I’m so **** tired
All the **** time

I don’t know what to say
Or what to do
Because I feel
No matter what I try
What words I say
I just can’t do right by anyone

I’m tired
So tired that I
Would sooner curl in on myself
Than get out of bed

I’m tired
To the point
Where moving causes aches
That I can’t stop unless
I stop moving

It feels so dark
And it’s been so long
That I’m not sure
I will go to the otherside

I feel so tired
My eyelids are heavy
And my soul is weary
From the barrage of everything

I’m tired of feeling useless
Tired of being invisible
Tired of feeling
As if I could just vanish
And no one would even blink

I’m just
So ****
Tired

Have I done something wrong?
Was it some joke I made?
Some stupid, stupid comment?

Did I misstep?
Was it a misunderstanding
Of our boundaries?
Of my purpose as your friend?

Was I a plaything?
Or was I a real friend?

I don’t know what has happened
One moment
I was fine
Okay
I felt right in the group
But sometimes
I feel ignored
Despised
Like people just want
Me to go away

It’s worst at lunch
It feels like I show up
And then they leave
Like my arrival was their cue

I feel excluded
From everything
From the jokes
To the pains of my “friends”

I feel excluded
Because they don’t talk to me
My friends keep their pain
Why don’t they talk to me?
Didn’t they used to?

I feel excluded
Because they’ll make jokes
And laugh
But they ignore me
Muscle me out of the circles

Did I do something wrong?
Have I outlived my use?
Have I just imposed
This whole time?

I feel excluded
But maybe
Just maybe
I was never included at all

I feel an agony
In my heart and mind
A deep hole
That aches when I breathe

How did it get there?
When?
These questions
Don’t want to be answered
So the answers avoid them

But I want to know
Who caused this hole?
Why haven’t I noticed until now?

I think
I had something to fill the hole
At least for the most part
But it’s gone now
I cannot warm myself
Under the hot lights
I cannot stay hours to memorize
Silly lines

So I will wait
I’ll wait
For something new to come
And fill the
Deep aching hole
In my chest