I don’t care
I have moved forward
Moved onwards
The shackles you placed
Shrugged off like an ugly jacket
Because if I was nothing to you
You’re nothing to me

I feel amazing
As if I could take the world
And place it in my heart
To protect all those who deserve it

I cannot hate you
I don’t have it in me
What I can do
Is never forgive you
And apologize for whatever I did
But what I don’t care about
Is what you have to say
You don’t know me
Only those who know me
Would know you are a liar
Who never cared for me
And decides to spread lies
To make himself look better

I’m just glad
That I can truly say
That I’m
Finally okay

I just can't win
Not with you
Not with them
Not with anyone

If I pour my effort into helping others
I'm looking for validation

If I spend time alone with myself
I'm moody or isolating

If I hurt myself
I'm attention seeking

If I speak my mind
I'm just a whiny child

If I pour out my soul to anyone
I'm

What am I when I pour out my soul?
I don't know
I haven't tried

But still
No matter what I do
No matter how hard I try
I still
Can't win

I feel a noose around my neck
Tightening with every burden I gather
It's suffocating

My emotions thrash me against rocks
I can't help my panic
I'm so **** afraid
I won't survive the storm

If I'm spending so much time
Trying to save everyone else,
Who is there to save me?
While I spend my nights
Suffocating

If you ask around
You’ll hear “yes” on a repeat
“She’ll stay up on a call until midnight if you’re upset”
“She cares for everyone so much”

But you'll find your way to the ones
Who disagree with the others
I know what they call me
Selfish
Manipulative
And various other things

Could I have done something differently?
Said one little thing
Just to change what you think of me
Or maybe I shouldn't have
Said anything at all

Don't get me wrong
I am happy to have you out of my life
But still
I can't seem to stand
The idea of someone hating me
I know I can't please everyone

So I guess the answer
Is that I don't know
I'd like to think I am
But so many others would argue against it
So,
Am I a Good Person?

I’m sorry
But I’m clumsy in love
I never know what I’m doing
Because people give up
Long before I can learn

If I did something wrong,
Why did you let me continue?
Why didn’t you say anything?
Why?
That’s the only question
I can manage to mutter

I’m afraid
If I say anything other than why
That tears will come falling out
Following my gasps for air
Because his words
Hit my ribcage
Like a metal bat
And I don’t understand
Because I thought I was fine
I said I was fine
Why can’t I just be fine?

So yeah,
I’m sorry
I’m sorry I don’t know
What the hell I’m doing
I’m sorry I can’t learn
Overnight
How not to hurt people
I’m just sorry
Because I’ll never be enough
If I can’t learn

Because no one can teach me
My parents were useless examples
No lover stays long enough
And seeing it on shows feels completely wrong
So yeah
I’m sorry

I feel an Ache
It’s deep in my bones
Down to the very core of my being
And it makes me sick
Every time I’m nice
And am repaid in insults
Or mean jokes

I know I give out plenty of those
Cruel jokes
And mean insults
But sometimes
It feels as if they
Never compliment me
Never smile

My heart aches
When I try so hard
To change my ways
To change how they see me
And then
It doesn’t work
And my heart splits

So why?
Why do I continue to try?
Why do I bend backwards,
Sideways,
Into painful twisting shapes,
Just to please people?

My heart
It constantly aches
And I’d give anything
To make it stop

I like the way you see me
Just a kid to joke with
Someone to relax around
Make stupid jokes
Jokingly insult each other

I like the way you see me
Even though it feels like
You look right through me
As if I’m a ghost

I like the way you see me
As the silly girl
Just a jokster
Who spends her time
Making stupid jokes
To hide her pain

I don’t like the way you see me
Because you’ve seen my heart
When it is aching
And I despise when you see me

So please
If you see me alone
And I look like I’m breaking
Please walk away
I don’t want you to have to see
That piece of me