I’m tired
I’m so **** tired
All the **** time

I don’t know what to say
Or what to do
Because I feel
No matter what I try
What words I say
I just can’t do right by anyone

I’m tired
So tired that I
Would sooner curl in on myself
Than get out of bed

I’m tired
To the point
Where moving causes aches
That I can’t stop unless
I stop moving

It feels so dark
And it’s been so long
That I’m not sure
I will go to the otherside

I feel so tired
My eyelids are heavy
And my soul is weary
From the barrage of everything

I’m tired of feeling useless
Tired of being invisible
Tired of feeling
As if I could just vanish
And no one would even blink

I’m just
So ****
Tired

Have I done something wrong?
Was it some joke I made?
Some stupid, stupid comment?

Did I misstep?
Was it a misunderstanding
Of our boundaries?
Of my purpose as your friend?

Was I a plaything?
Or was I a real friend?

I don’t know what has happened
One moment
I was fine
Okay
I felt right in the group
But sometimes
I feel ignored
Despised
Like people just want
Me to go away

It’s worst at lunch
It feels like I show up
And then they leave
Like my arrival was their cue

I feel excluded
From everything
From the jokes
To the pains of my “friends”

I feel excluded
Because they don’t talk to me
My friends keep their pain
Why don’t they talk to me?
Didn’t they used to?

I feel excluded
Because they’ll make jokes
And laugh
But they ignore me
Muscle me out of the circles

Did I do something wrong?
Have I outlived my use?
Have I just imposed
This whole time?

I feel excluded
But maybe
Just maybe
I was never included at all

I feel an agony
In my heart and mind
A deep hole
That aches when I breathe

How did it get there?
When?
These questions
Don’t want to be answered
So the answers avoid them

But I want to know
Who caused this hole?
Why haven’t I noticed until now?

I think
I had something to fill the hole
At least for the most part
But it’s gone now
I cannot warm myself
Under the hot lights
I cannot stay hours to memorize
Silly lines

So I will wait
I’ll wait
For something new to come
And fill the
Deep aching hole
In my chest

I don’t care
I have moved forward
Moved onwards
The shackles you placed
Shrugged off like an ugly jacket
Because if I was nothing to you
You’re nothing to me

I feel amazing
As if I could take the world
And place it in my heart
To protect all those who deserve it

I cannot hate you
I don’t have it in me
What I can do
Is never forgive you
And apologize for whatever I did
But what I don’t care about
Is what you have to say
You don’t know me
Only those who know me
Would know you are a liar
Who never cared for me
And decides to spread lies
To make himself look better

I’m just glad
That I can truly say
That I’m
Finally okay

I just can't win
Not with you
Not with them
Not with anyone

If I pour my effort into helping others
I'm looking for validation

If I spend time alone with myself
I'm moody or isolating

If I hurt myself
I'm attention seeking

If I speak my mind
I'm just a whiny child

If I pour out my soul to anyone
I'm

What am I when I pour out my soul?
I don't know
I haven't tried

But still
No matter what I do
No matter how hard I try
I still
Can't win

I feel a noose around my neck
Tightening with every burden I gather
It's suffocating

My emotions thrash me against rocks
I can't help my panic
I'm so **** afraid
I won't survive the storm

If I'm spending so much time
Trying to save everyone else,
Who is there to save me?
While I spend my nights
Suffocating