If you ask around
You’ll hear “yes” on a repeat
“She’ll stay up on a call until midnight if you’re upset”
“She cares for everyone so much”

But you'll find your way to the ones
Who disagree with the others
I know what they call me
Selfish
Manipulative
And various other things

Could I have done something differently?
Said one little thing
Just to change what you think of me
Or maybe I shouldn't have
Said anything at all

Don't get me wrong
I am happy to have you out of my life
But still
I can't seem to stand
The idea of someone hating me
I know I can't please everyone

So I guess the answer
Is that I don't know
I'd like to think I am
But so many others would argue against it
So,
Am I a Good Person?

I’m sorry
But I’m clumsy in love
I never know what I’m doing
Because people give up
Long before I can learn

If I did something wrong,
Why did you let me continue?
Why didn’t you say anything?
Why?
That’s the only question
I can manage to mutter

I’m afraid
If I say anything other than why
That tears will come falling out
Following my gasps for air
Because his words
Hit my ribcage
Like a metal bat
And I don’t understand
Because I thought I was fine
I said I was fine
Why can’t I just be fine?

So yeah,
I’m sorry
I’m sorry I don’t know
What the hell I’m doing
I’m sorry I can’t learn
Overnight
How not to hurt people
I’m just sorry
Because I’ll never be enough
If I can’t learn

Because no one can teach me
My parents were useless examples
No lover stays long enough
And seeing it on shows feels completely wrong
So yeah
I’m sorry

I feel an Ache
It’s deep in my bones
Down to the very core of my being
And it makes me sick
Every time I’m nice
And am repaid in insults
Or mean jokes

I know I give out plenty of those
Cruel jokes
And mean insults
But sometimes
It feels as if they
Never compliment me
Never smile

My heart aches
When I try so hard
To change my ways
To change how they see me
And then
It doesn’t work
And my heart splits

So why?
Why do I continue to try?
Why do I bend backwards,
Sideways,
Into painful twisting shapes,
Just to please people?

My heart
It constantly aches
And I’d give anything
To make it stop

I like the way you see me
Just a kid to joke with
Someone to relax around
Make stupid jokes
Jokingly insult each other

I like the way you see me
Even though it feels like
You look right through me
As if I’m a ghost

I like the way you see me
As the silly girl
Just a jokster
Who spends her time
Making stupid jokes
To hide her pain

I don’t like the way you see me
Because you’ve seen my heart
When it is aching
And I despise when you see me

So please
If you see me alone
And I look like I’m breaking
Please walk away
I don’t want you to have to see
That piece of me

Oh what beauty
Such stark and true moments
The little moments I look upon
When others think no one can see
The way your head bobs to the music
The way your lips move
To the words of the songs

The thing I adore the most
Is that fire in your eyes
When someone says you can’t
And that lights the spark
Then you go out and prove it
But afterwards
You still have that fire
The fire of a thousand stars
Because by god you want to be above it all
And you are
By god you are
With that ever
Beautiful Fire

I feel like I’m floating
Merely drifting around my friends
Never truly fitting in
I hate it
I want to feel as if
I belong somewhere
But I just don’t

By god you don’t help
You look right through me
Like I’m nothing important
But it doesn’t matter
I just wish
That someone would see me
That someone would help me
Feel as if I’m not just drifting
I’m just floating around

It hits like a brick wall while running from cops
It’s hard to see a way around it
So turn back
Retrace your steps
Try it again from a different angle
There’s never just one way to approach a problem

Try writing about the area
About the thoughts someone has
Or take a step back from it all
And work on something else for a moment
Not everything has to be done here and now
Enjoy the little moments to yourself
Drinking tea on the porch while the sun rises
Laughing and dancing clumsily with your brother

Short moments don’t last long
And when all is said and all is done
You will find yourself back
At your writings
With a clear head