It's familiar
Old and familiar
So old I forgot how close we used to be
This feeling
In my chest
Heavy, and expansive
And deeply overwhelming
I feel
If I think about it too much
Or look too deeply
I'll drown in it

My chest feels
Pulled open
Ripped out
Hollow
I have no dreams
No aspirations
Nothing to cling to

I feel completely Empty
If I was not held up by these strings
of Sentiment and Love
My earthly attachments
I worry I would drift away
Desperate to rest forever

And I'm afraid I wouldn't regret it

I'm tired
                      I don't feel well
                      I hurt
                      I want to give up

I know
    We can't
       We have to keep pushing
                  I'm sorry
          You can do this
We've done it before

                    Why should I?
                    What good is it to keep going
                    And going?
                    Pushing and pushing?
                    Getting knocked down
                    Getting hurt
                    For what?
                    To keep doing it?
                    To never stop?

That is sort of the idea, yeah
      I know, it *****
    I know how bad you want to quit
                I want to give up too
But we can't

                  Why not?
                   I don't want to do this anymore
                   Why do you insist
                   on making me?

Because of peace
           Of the feeling we get
            When the sky is blue
               And the flowers are bright
                 And the birds sing
    When we breathe
       And feel okay for just a second
           When we are listening
                To our family
    Talking indistinctly in the other room
      And the music hits just right
        And we think for a moment
" This is where I want to be
Maybe not washing dishes,
Or this rough patch of life
But who I am,
My values
My family being right there "

                                       The feeling fades
                                        It always does
                                        I know we keep pushing for them
                                        But I'm tired
                                        I'm really
                                        Really tired

I know
                             Please
           Please just hang on a little longer
              I think this time
   Is different
                   This time really will get better
           There will be days of sunlight
                       Just hang on a little more
Give me more of a chance

                                       Okay
                                       I will
                                       I have to
                                       But I'm so tired
                                       And I want to quit

I know

I don't know a great many things
I can't string a bow
Nor can I fly a plane
I don't know how to play Chess
Or how to bake a good cake

I don't know how to express
How I feel
Or why I feel the things I do
I don't know how to love myself
Or give myself the grace
I so readily hand out like candy

I never had good examples
For taking care of yourself
For finding the limits
Of how much you can give
Before you have only pieces of yourself left
And still I give it away
Desperate for someone to turn
And see me
Hold me
Love me

But I don't know how to do that, either
Love someone
Without imploding on myself
Ruining it all
I don't know how to treat
Another person so tenderly

I can always learn
But how?
With no one to teach me
I simply don't know