I just figure It out as I go so I’m still learning.
On days where I feel I’ve come the furthest I can still feel my ears burning.
Do clocks ever tick in reverse?
Even if they do, I’m not sure we’re meant to avoid the hurt.
We pray for peace but grow so much in the back & forth.
It’s disappointing to hear stories read where we play the role of Voldemort.
But these days I’ve stopped responding, I grow so much more when I just listen.
When you look in the crowd I’ll be standing & cheering when you’re winning.
Just go easy on me.
When you be speaking on me.

Earth's canvas, leaves fall on paint.

The sun becomes a recent memory, there but faint.

The air feels like a restart.

It wasn't my year, but this is my part.

When the leaves fall, I pick myself up.

Holidays, where we forget the selfish stuff.

Hold my hand, search my eyes, & judge my plate.

Cold weather, warm houses, and allergic faith.

Nightmares are just dreams we’ve lost.
Paranoia is the side effect of us being told happiness has a cost.
So the bad feels comfortable & what feels right scares.
You’re a dream & lost dreams are nightmares.
We close our ears to the sounds, pull away from the touch.
I could stay in this sauna for hours, & not sweat as much.
As much as when you’re around.
Embarrassed I go to a forest, they say things that fall there don’t make a sound.
When we’re grown there aren’t any night lights and Teddy bears.
& even though I’m scared I still choose to dream nightmares.

If the child in you died, you killed It.

Every sky scraper in the world, a child built It.

I’ve decided to pick my crayons back up and go outside the lines.

News can no longer find me, everything new is something we must find.

No one can stop time but I’ve found a way to spiritually rewind.

Questions are our true eyes and so the educated spend most of their lives blind.

Children don’t ask questions because they don’t know, they ask because they want to learn.

We all know those people who don’t know much, but curiosity would make their lips burn.

So, less social media I’m playing outside and coloring charts.

Truth is, we accept being stagnant when we were born intuitively knowing how to handle this part.

What do you do when you don’t know what’s going on? Just ask him.

Then just like a child, ask again and again and again.

Obsession with an idea brings focus to an internal struggle, surroundings fade away.

I do not fear failure, I fear my inevitable success leading to the remembering of the world that day.

My isolation has been a myriad of peace, to be alone is to reduce probability of accelerated entropy.

As he begun to go deaf, Mozart wrote his best symphony.

Silence of external noise allows us to hear the beautiful songs that are being whispered within us.

Hand rails they told us would hold us up are covered in tears and so while grasping for stability we are cut by thin rust.

The only math they know is plus, thus, in such social constructs, win you must.

Cars, homes, clothing, one's true self is usually buried under such stuff.

Life is chess not checkers, Ironically an internal check leads one to stop mating.

It's all so cheesy, trying to fill superficial holes is just soul grating.

"Would the Wright brothers have succeeded if they obsessed over wealth instead of how to produce the first plane?

Desires have become a disease, content is being shared by those not obsessed with the domain.

Societal driven reaches for recognition, money, or status; these are all productivity flaws.

History is littered with the truly passionate, those obsessed with their domain and it's laws.

You hear the difference immediately between an artist who loves to sing and someone who had to make a song.

Ironically, all the things people chase in life are natural symptoms of obsessing in a place where we belong.

Einstein dreamt the theory of relativity, Tate McRae & Ryan Tedder wrote, produced, and laid hit song "Exes" in a mere 30 minutes.

True obsession can not be faked and it's all that can sustain you once you're in it.

Those who do not love the domain, may get the rewards. Novelty will then wear off and they'll begin to search for something else.

Psychologically, to be miserable is the same neurologically as thinking about yourself.

The student surpasses the master but the master is claiming confirmation of himself if he can teach.

Teaching is more about the master’s completion than what the student seeks to reach.

You have not truly mastered a domain or achieved a skill until you can give a lecture.

Teaching is a kin to putting knowledge and experience into an oven, changing their flavors and textures.

Thus, if you can not teach a class on a subject It is most wise to withhold your opinion.

Or get in front of the class, & when your voice cracks you’ll quickly realize there you have no dominion.

but, Happy Thanksgiving :)

Life is a book where we’re surrounded with pages, where should we look?

The hardest memories are the ones you cherish but regret the route you took.

Whether we look back, up, or forward, what we wrote brought the story to now.

As I say, intelligence is measured by attaining one’s desires, what is less important than how.

I don’t know how to write my story, I don’t know if I’ll love what I read, but the book will grow.

Maybe gravity makes heights so hard because all the good things are found when we’re low?

Nonetheless, I feel my life is a book where the pages are in a river, I’m no longer fighting the flow.

and maybe someday down the road I’ll sit back and say to myself, “yeah I thought so.”

Direction, inertia, momentum, that’s my secret sauce.

The first cut is the deepest but the first loss is the best loss.

The most important part about moving on is you are moving.

Every defeated person is inevitably learning while they’re losing.

I wish I knew how to be a good loser so much earlier in life.  

Wounds can’t heal until you remove the knife.

While we can’t see them coming we know they will.

Accepting losses and moving on, this is the holy grail, the panacea skill.

Life’s hard, but me no want It easy on me.

In ancient civilizations such as the Indus valley or Mesopotamia, Barter systems reigned supreme.

One of the main challenges were double coincidence of wants, but what happens when one trades all his wants for a need?

Hence, wealth disparities begun to balloon, intermediary traders began to exploit their positions.

Through the ages socialist economists have warned of the effects of these gentlemen, no one listened.

They'd often point to the example of King Croesus of Lydia who amassed great fortune through exchanges and conquests he made.

Yet, in a kingdom renowned for it's prosperity, the only rich citizens of Lydia were those involved in trade.

Fast forward to 1776, and Adam smith ironically became the invisible hand of a prophecy.

One that foretold the return of the winner take all trader wasn't only possible, but most probably.

The prophecy is not clear, we do not know how, when, or where.

But somewhere, a trader prepares, poised to resurrect a trading prowess unseen for thousands of years.

What if we put in adult movies all the messages we see in kids tales? In all the animation?

We create these rules and guidelines with well intention but become prisoners to this lamination.

Can an adult return to a child like cerebral at will? This is my life’s fascination.

Should more attention be paid to my imagination than my reality? A question worth serious consideration.

With the answer being a resounding yes, I find myself here in the physical realm less.

For I am now top of Everest, dipping in the Amazon, in a Yoga studio of south Japan beginning to stretch.

Or maybe I jump around the multiverse, forgetting my profession, maybe I’m a sculptor, what is my age?

Perhaps my lyrics have touched the masses, I stare in awe at them singing from a Boston stage.

“Raris & Rovers , these girls love The Clover

I paid them back what they loaned her, now her stressing is over.”

I've been focused on my distant light the last 14 months, I feel like I'm living in a telescope.

Unprecedented sacrifices, committed to living with my mother until I never have to tell her nope.

My great grandmother is 89, we saw her today they think she's leaving soon.

I couldn't catch my breathe to tell her that her prayers blocking my demons gave me breathing room.

Not sure why we assume we have the whole clock to air it out.

I'm pressing my lungs everyday until the air is out.

She had my grandmother and uncle in a one bedroom shack, three mouths to feed.

Has me ashamed of the things in my life I was ever foolish enough to call a need.

My eyes are wide open so I listen to less of my peers, I have a distant ear.

Playing who wants to be a millionaire but my lifelines are starting to disappear.

I'm a product of generations of sacrifices, my destiny is the heights my lineage will soon taste.

We couldn't rob Peter to pay Paul, in my family they were usually roommates.

Presenting to a room of hundreds has ceased to be a challenge, writing has become severely easy.

I’ve submitted to my generosity, I’m closer to giving all away than the ability to be greedy.

Spiritual discipline would be an underwhelming description, I’ve incinerated my former self.

Minimalist is an identity I can claim, a high earner inhabiting a dorm with shelves.

My daily duties for my career are child’s play, thus there is only one challenge in my life I can find.

Oh does this fill me with unbearable joy, for It is the outlier on the list, a simple matter of time.

Thus, my script is not egotistical, such is not my kind.

I am simply observing that all in my life but one thing, has risen to accompany my level of rhyme.

So, Give It time.

The closer I am to God, I am to peace.
Life is full of headaches, the people we love are God’s natural relief.
or amplifiers, I know what it’s like to have someone move me further away.
Which is probably why I’m so grateful for the people around today.  
I used to ignore my blessings to chase things or people who didn’t care.
When elders describe the best things about their lives, it’s always joys that were always there.
People, places, moments, never money or these things we aim to achieve.
So my list is just those three, & if brings me peace, It can get a piece.
I can’t believe I ever felt God was far away with my friends and family so close.
So look around, there’s a lot more God & therapists in your life than you probably know.

There is no courage without vulnerability, that strong probability of failing or getting hurt.

Why do people pursue certainty in their lives? Going through life finding comfort in spoiler alerts.

Why buy tickets to a horror movie where the fear is spilled in the commercial?

Will your life be an example of abstract expressionism or a familiar rehearsal?

Without uncertainty what's the point? I want to wonder what I'll see and guess on the source of the sound.

I leap for the feeling in the air, not for promise of landing back on the ground.

Every breath I measure the zeal in my lungs & I feel like Tai Lung.

Careful to not confuse the universe with my tongue, I take back most wishes I’ve flung.

All but one, to make the best risotto you need to focus and constantly stir.

That which is, was wished until It were.

In a prison of my own making, I dream of my freedom, of the moment when the villain returns.

The child rejected by the village is usually the spark that causes said village to burn.

One usually meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid It.

Pain is something the Batman embraced but the Joker enjoyed It.

I’ve given myself so many placebos, is It drugs or is It my mind?

How many people who say “I don’t know” in a day can you find?

Fear not, just like everything else in my life, I will wait.

Gaze upon long lines for everything, except the work required to be great.

Once free I can not promise to even watch my puppy finish It’s bone.

For Tai Lung came to take everything once he came home.

Can intelligence be explained by physics? Can we point to an asymptotic build of elementary particles?

Could it be ideas do not have limits? The complexity from their composites cloaking the repetition in articles.

I guess what I am pondering is, can genius simply be an eternal dive into a domain?

To produce a thousand iterative answers while the question has simultaneously remained the same.

Does an obsession with musical notes teach one to notice rhythm in thunder?

Is it irrelevant to know and more productive to wonder?

Was the renaissance the use of numbers to write, colors to add, and an abundance of letters to spend?

It could be genius is simply the perfection of a lens, looking through said lens, and seeing the earth begin to bend.

As Porfiry sipped from the brightly blue drink she’d bought him, words did not rush from his lips in their usual manner.

“You’re so… , I mean ha , your eyes, they’re umm, haha pardon me” he rushed for his straw once more, beginning to believe he’d lost the ability to flatter.

Across from him, behind eyes that glowed of malachite, a smile radiating joy, and bangs hinting feigned innocence, was a girl not of his type.

Yet, here he sat, a journalist lost for words. No longer simply unable to speak but beginning to feel as if he could no longer read or write.

Floral scents from her aroma seemed to invade his space, shimmer down his spine, and follow him back to his flat.

Staring at the ceiling in the black of night, he challenged his desires, why did an outlier fill him with butterflies such as that.

The next two dawns roaming through town, he felt chills as the sight of bangs harassed him. All the traffic lights were emerald and the world looked new.

Twenty four hours later, Porfiry learned he had the flu.

Novelists, poets, tend to be hopeless romantics only capable of writing romance once we find our hope.

Gosh, I know, my dear friends, some time has passed since my last love note.

Reduce your worry, for love is soon to burst from my pen more inspiring than ever before.

In my efforts to be exuberant yet patient, I will briefly describe this woman I adore.

Her smile makes you forget you’ve cried, her strength strikes in you, weakness, life with her makes you question if you’ve ever lived.

The view is difficult to describe, I am watching a thief steal something I am yearning to give.

She’s a reminder that God in a relationship makes heaven the ceiling.

For those who have missed the love in my scripts, she is restoring the feeling.

The only judge to success is if you can look in the mirror and see your honor.

Life is permanent but in your court you decide what you get to launder.

I don’t require a jury, I plead guilty of becoming prisoner to my imagination’s fluctuations.

I say my goals out loud and then get to the end of my sentences like punctuations.

My mom, Pops, the only people I talk to when I’m on trial.

Ive been the bar since a child, if I can’t go the distance I’ll challenge the legitimacy of a mile.

They made that **** up anyway, this is my world and I define far.

To turn my back on myself would be the only time I could be behind bars.

Still, I sacrificed my small freedoms today for immense freedom later.

You know how It goes, rocks are next to hard places, cut It all out and get paper.

Self to self comparisons are the only useful ones.

Prayers or faith without works is an example of how one can be an abusive son.

To ask for what hasn’t been earned is not only entitlement but blindness.

A seesaw where efforts flows back and forth like the Kansas wheat is the view of true kindness.

I pray for magic but swiftly follow this with devoted slavery to my sorcery

I still feel like I’m not where I oughta be,

But everyday I’m working getting closer.

Why is it the people who talk like It all comes so easy, don’t have much? Can’t teach anything we can use?

Socializing above a threshold becomes potential abuse.

Not the chance of harm, but the destruction of our capacity.

Everyone who changed the world, imagined a different world, the direct opposite of actually.

Actually, what they call It is reality. They say “be realistic.”

Truth is they’ve lost their imagination and their negativity is how they mourn and miss It.

I have a friend who imagined the Olympics and now he’s lord of the rings.

I’m drowning in a world where Wizards are born, engulfed in the magic it brings.

You can do It, you can have It, you can get there, please believe me.

As long you know the price, It doesn’t all come so easy.

I only have one idea. I don’t know what my idea is but still I continue.

That’s why I’m writing today, you know that feeling deep inside but you don’t truly know what’s within you?

We’re all rough so if you go into the depths, there’s always a diamond.

I’ve realized questions are simply signals from answers, they’re begging us to find them.

So I’m digging. I donated all my materials to move in with my mother, bringing only my shovel.

I made more money this year than I ever have, It didn’t comfort me in my struggle.

To leave this world without discovering my gift is my greatest fear.

I don’t know what’s buried in my soul but God is my witness, i know It’s there.

When we’re coloring we don’t always stay within the lines.
The painting of our lives often leads to colors we never thought we’d find.
I cried, a lot, while you assumed I was obsessed with unknown hands & salary ranges.
We’ve been taught life is a paper & pen where we don’t get to make changes.
One of the most puzzling experiences is looking through 100s of pictures wondering where the love went.
But I guess when we take the air out of something we don’t really get to vent.
It’s not always so obvious, still the trombone still needs the sound from the piccolo.
Everyone sees the art on the wall, never the countless hours in the studio.
You can’t erase a crayon, but we can choose to keep coloring, keep adding colors.
Grey skies can’t wash away the colorful schemes we created for each other.

The canvas did wash away, that’s true.
But why let them say I painted nothing for you?
When I painted any dream you wanted me to.

Killed my ignorance with books, in my office it can lie buried.

A plan for the risk is the difference between divorce and staying married.

Life challenges brought me to my knees then I rose to stability on one.

Proposed to my dreams hoping the lord says yes once I’m done.

The only measure of intelligence is if you get what you want out of life.

One must know what to want in the first place, what’s worth what price?

The food for thought used to take several trips, It felt like a full plate.

Now It takes half of the fridge to maintain like I gained a roommate.

However, I live mostly in my head alone.

Such a crowded home.

No one can be given a greater gift than patience.

So, give it to your self.

To have something is a kin to not wanting it,

when we assume we have time, we want something else.

What if I told you that you possess incredible powers?

You can actually make goals shrink.

You gave yourself a year to do it, but what If you tried consistently for five years?

aha, you're capable of more than you think.

Maybe that just is the obstacle in our way?

our thinking is the very process that leads to a rush.

When searching for your reservoir notice the fault traps,

for the depths under the fault is where the oil begins to gush.

There was a hole in my heart I tried to fill with you, we were nothing at all.

There’s a reason the elephant is more at risk than the cockroach, It’s hard to **** something that small.

Even now, it’s challenging to write these things but let me provide clarification.

Not due to emotional blur or significance, but that I lack my usual inspiration.

The words typically pour out of my hands, however this is my attempt to put nothingness into text.

When I look back on my life, I don’t like to have them, but you are my only regret.

I know I can’t make my bed, lie in It, and then complain about not getting sleep.

You were a manifestation of my habit to make things worse, but I didn’t think I could dig a grave so deep.

It’s a strange thing, you chose to see castles in the clouds, and ignore the impairment by the fog.

I ate until I became husky myself, a coping mechanism for listening to you tell me I don’t like dogs.

That’s silly. It was right in your face, even this, is less about you & more about her.

Apologies you had to come after.

Good things, good people, are most appreciated when they’re leaving.

An easy Sunday morning isn’t noticed until Sunday evening.

It isn’t until landfall that the sailor notices the path was smooth.

For those who feel under revered this should be a thought that soothes.

It may rain today, It may shine today, but the flowers sprout as the time creeps through.

Slower is the preparation of herbal infused teas but such a sweet brew.




.

There is a belief we can’t buy peace of mind but hundreds of books in, you feel as if you’ve bought some.

Save more wheat than you’re milling, you will be ready if a drought comes.

Next sacrifice things furnished to be a furnace, you shall keep the house warm.

Don’t assess the bee by the honey, observe the health of thy swarm.

Magic isn’t just something Elves made up.

Love is something that novels, TV, and social media made tough.

the right connections aren’t labor but, ironically they just work, scarcity is a thought to divorce.

Extinction is the one prerequisite to sustained loneliness, else wise go to the source.

For if you fell in love with an erudite, make the library a place where you dine and camp.

There are those in wheelchairs who agonize over stairs, and those who search for ramps.

If you loved nurses maybe your next spark can be found in your next cold.

Wax can either hinder your ability to hear or act as a base to the new flame your wick will hold.

My point being is if you lost your favorite blonde you can fly to Norway, or pout in Phoenix.

But one thing is clear, the people who truly want something, we can tell they mean It.

Mold on a dish is how penicillin was found.

To smell the flowers you have to move towards the ground.

All natural marvels like the seven wonders were made by bad weather.

This is how I knew Humpty would be better once he was put back together.

A cracked egg is preparing to give you the nutrients within.

I’d be invaded by a plethora of microorganisms if I had thin skin.

If we didn’t go through the dark times, what would light even be?

In life you’ll have trials but you also decide if you will walk out free.

#FreePluck

Stuff a bag full of dreams
God gave you another day

Stop the scrolls and streams
& try out a 1000 ways.

Life is something you made.
Whether we thought or prayed.

I was born to trade. I was to born trade.

No friends. No Phones.
Just me and charts alone.

Paused my life for a dream but It really pays,
I can show you a place.

The hands go round & round this old clock ,until the day your hand meets mine.

Spending time in the books and the kitchen, hoping that day I can pick the right wine.

This year I made a killing, but I’m not living, cause there’s this one thing, I can’t find.

Cause I lost my spot, in the longest line.

yeah I know lost my spot, but I’m back in line,

Patiently waiting for mine.

I’ve begun to slip into madness.

Reminders of society bring about thoughts and stomach sensations that kind of feel like sadness.

They’re more reminders I could become sad but It’s a distant yet familiar hole

It’s like glancing through prison bars separately me from my soul.

However here I must remain as I chase my dreams in my self manufactured exile

The obtainment of true freedom, ironically requires one to be locked away for awhile.

I’m starting to believe summiting Everest is all about grip.

That’s the thing about going to the edge of reality, you just might slip.

The suspense of impending insanity perturbs me,  so I dive forward full force.

Freedom I preach, the path however, I do not endorse.