tonight i walked through a field that used to scare me
more than i scared myself
and thought of the last time that i felt hopeless
sixteen in my fathers car wondering how
an artificial light could make me feel so empty
and if it looked as dull pouring from street lights
as it did shining from my tiny arms
on days when the world was too loud
and my voice was too small
i wish i had known you then
about your mind and how it perfectly mimics my own
or how good it felt to lie in this field
knowing it was never death that interested me
it was the idea of an opportunity
to follow a cold breeze that promised to take me anywhere
but here
and you thanked me for curing you
for saving your life when you thought nobody could
and reminding you that people are worth loving
and worth holding onto
but i’m left with a knot in my chest asking
why this feels so much like leaving
and letting go
treat me like a stained mattress
rest your body on my body
let me feel the weight of your existence
so i know what purpose feels like
and i’ll lie patiently, waiting for a kiss
three seconds to prove to you
that the biggest mistake of your life
was jumping before the building collapsed
i’m sorry you thought this couldn’t work
because i’ve never wanted anything more
in my entire life
than to prove that it could