I wish that I just move on from the past,
But someone that I know won't,
they hurt me too many times for no reason,
I just wish that person can just move on,
I just don't know why things happens to me,
I just feel hurt too many times.
I am just done with them for good!

I am tired of life,
I am tired of people hurting me,
I am tired of people stabbing me behind my back,
I am hurt Physically and Mentally,
I am a mess up,
I am worthless,
I am nothing,
I am nothing but a waste of trash,
I am stressing about everything,
and I don't know what to do anymore.
#HelpMe2018

The World Confuses me,
I am connected into the dark,
It's Lock from the outside,
that I can't reach.

Their is no way out,
the dark wants me to stay,
I cried that I want out,
but it won't let me.

I wish that I would get out,
So I can count the stars in the night,
that the beauty isn't here,
they want to break me,
start in the inside and out.

I am broken,
it hurts so much,
no one sees my wounds,
when I look at my mirror,
It there with me, my scars.

Broken,
numb,
hurt,
pain,
everything that is getting me.

My sleepless nights,
that wants me to stay awake,
my days goes on like this,
wants me to stay in the dark,
that the reasons that I am Broken.

I don't understand why things happens,
hurt by people that I loved includes,
my family,
friends and ex-friends that i don't talk to,
and also don't get much support from them,
my pain doesn't show much physically,
but mentally it shows,
I wish that I would made my pain to end,
but don't know how.
I deserve ever bad karma comes to me,
I learn my punishment just made me even more pain,
i want it to end.

I feel like that my life is a mess,
I don't have a lot of time about my mind think of good,
My mind is always thinks about the bad,
and I can't help it.

I am physically and mentally sad
and torn apart when no one is around,
No one knows the reason why
I sleep late when I use my phone...

Sometimes that I wish that my life
was better, and easier.
I just want to do certain things in life that I want to do.

I am a huge mess,
when I do something wrong,
i don't eat much just to punish myself,
i didn't care though.

I have a eating disorder since i was 4 years old or maybe younger,
my mom was sick with a mental Disease that she didn't feed me much.
I was starting then to feel depressed,
and i starved myself at least 2 or 3 times.
i can't remember a lot but i remember that issue in that.

All that i did is drink Pop just to keep me alive.
I am so pale that I don't have iron into my system,
my body system gets confused and i can't think about that much.

I am a huge mess,
and sometimes that I need someone....

My mind was broken, into pieces,
No one understands my issues,
I was falling apart, I have no one
No one around me, alone...

Then I felt in love, with him,
But someone bothering us,
We felt it, a spark around us,
It felt infinitely, it is a warm feeling.

The man that gave me hope,
The man that saved me from my..
Suicidal stage, harm myself,
He helped me with it all.

Been harassed by one of her minion,
I felt pain inside, need to be stronger,
Stronger than her,
She hurt me and she doesn't know it all.

She wanted to show off at my place,
The pain that I thought that she changed,
Change her heart to become a better....
Better person...

The same as always, never will change,
The hurt, pain, I need help, please,
My man that comforts me,
The love that I feel wanted.

I am his and he is mine,
He gave me hope, Love, and faith,
Even though he have school,
So we can start a wonderful life,
Together.

The love that gives me
Is more than Infinity,
It is forevermore.

I feel like that I feel isolated for my whole life,
can't think of a way out,
I get out for a little but,
But I am stuck for a long time.

I want to be free,
people thinks of me fighting my demons,
but I don't know,
I feel more like I am fighting myself,
wants to be free from my problems.

I have problems that I am afraid of...
feel abandon,
losing everyone that I love,
everything that i need in my life,
is my lover.

I am afraid that he will leave me,
I feel like that i will have nothing left,
then after that their things that I don't want to do,
I am just tired of feeling isolated.

Normal lives is like butterflies into your stomach.
Hard lives is like heartbroken inside,
Perfect is like confidence,
Trouble times is what humans always make.

Humans aren't perfect,
Humans are like a tree and see who last the longest,
Humans think different than everyone else,
Humans aren't pure like clean water.

Humans can be healthy like a washed out river,
Some humans are Mental that need help for others,
Some Humans need peace to have calming waters,
Humans need love for anyone that can gave them that.

Humans make mistakes in everyday lives,
Their two paths to go to and you choose where you want to go,
One is about beauty, life, hope, and love,
And another is power, money, being careless, and darkness.
what would you choose.

Humans have problems in life,
Humans might have worst problems that yours,
Humans have become stronger than others,
and other people are trying to get there,
Just to let you know that your not alone by being Human.

I am not a normal person cause
that My life wasn't normal,
I am more of a broken girl,
with a broken heart...
it hard for me to speak out...
it hard to let the people that I love,
for what wrong with me...
it hard for me to trust people in real life to deal with....
everything hurt.

I feel a burden to everyone,
I feel like I have nothing,
My mind is killing me when I feel like this,
When no one around me and no one to talk to,
I feel down and depressed,
Mostly worse than that,
Deep down inside of me that my life have been worse by the day,
And not my family by 80% not been there for me with my problems,
Even though that they say that they're, but not really,
Even though that I have a few friends online,
Their mostly doing something or going to work or college,
Oh well I guess I deserve it,
It my karma cause that I feel like that life will give me a bad time too.
Well sometimes that I don't know why I am still here anyway.
I keep thinking that life will be better, but it makes it worse.

I feel cold,
I can't see what I am doing,
I am losing energy,
I feel pain inside,
I can't control my emotions,
I can't help that I am losing control.

I just don't understand,
why I feel like this,
By feeling isolated,
feeling depressed,
having anxiety,
also Mentally tired.
I want to have a best life,
it just my life is so confusing,
and also part of my life feel like a lie.
I am so tired of feeling
jealous and feel like I been hated,
I feel like that people calls me a fake,
or when someone thinks that,
I am getting attention,
I just wants my problems on here,
just to get the worst off my chest.
I am just so tired of everything.

I feel like everything is my fault,
cause that no one likes me,
I only have one guy in the world that cares,
i still feel alone,
i am mentally tired of my past,
My flashback hurts me everyday,
i feel alone even i am not physically,
but mentally that i do.
people that hurt me in the past thinks that
everything is my fault.

My Bad Karma Already destroyed me,
cause of people's Actions towards me,
My broken life consumes me,
My bad karma that I been betrayed,
People that hurt me gave me horrible Karma,
My pain is my bad Karma,
My past is my bad karma,
I been a fool is my bad karma,
My depression is my bad Karma,
My anxiety is my bad karma,
my worst enemies gives me a living hell,
Everything from my bad side is my bad karma.
I am broken inside,
I am numb inside,
that why that I am living with it.

The time that I was in the tenth grade in high school, I started to write poetry and stories. I never forgotten when someone in my life made me feel like this, like a weak person that is been very hurtful to me.

Even though that we went to our separate ways, it doesn't change the pain away. Like one time me and them always share poetry and them threw me away and she threw the friendship necklace away and I never forget what it looks like.

I like to put an example of of old poem that I could try to remember. It was about true friendship and never will break away.

'When I first met you,
We were enemies and become best friends,
We grew until something bad happened,
And we came back together,
Our friendship will last forever,
True friends tells each other the truth and never lie to each other,
That why we are indescribable.'

I was hurt when I saw this and it made me feel so weak in my life and sometimes that I don't know why I am here anyways?

I had people in my life that I was been bullied and I been thrown away like no one cares or sees my problems.

Well it's life and no one knows why. I don't know why things happens.

More reasons why I am like this is that my personality are strange and weird, and mostly of my AntiSocial life. Well depression,
anxiety, eating disorder, and others that I have that made me what I am.

I don't have many friends physical cause I don't go out much like I stay home all the time. That my life. My isolation that my family made me feel worse and I don't know why this happens to me between them and me?

I don't deserve this for what I get from them, some of my family doesn't talk to me. They would be a work, be busy or doing something that I don't know about. I want to be free and I been hurt too many times and I wish that I get out of here where I live at and moved on. My past still haunts me since I was 4 years old.

I guess I deserve for what I get for granted. :(

I am a mess,
I can't stop feeling like this,
My loneliness that I can't even bear it,
no one had seen my suicidal side of me,
I would something that i don't want to do,
because of my own isolation,
My room is a mess,
like me,
My depression leads something worse,
I feel so weak and numb..

After years My mother left me and I been having panic attacks that I never told anyone in my life cause of so many confusions in my life. So I was at my house that night that I saw my dad goes to his room and shuts the door and locks it. I got so scared in my life that I just go in my room and just cries cause I was alone and I had nothing to help me.

My mom is gone and i am afraid that I am going to lose my dad, I didn't eat much even when my mother left me. Even tho that I don't call her mom anymore, I just miss having a mother in my life that I never ever got to expensive a mom to hold me and tells me that everything is going to be okay.

I feel so broken that i just don't know anymore that I felt suicidal even I was only 5 years old, but I got over it anyway. I played one sport even though it was for tiny children. I just still felt depressed that I just don't know what to do anymore.

So I went to therapist to another to another. I just gave up cause they haven't helped me. I just had to deal with my own problems for the rest of my life. I just feel that my real mom died a long time ago.

By the time that I was 7 or 8 years old, I been started to be bullied and been make fun of, and also drama begun too.  I was always in the middle of everything. No one believed me and I feel so fooled though to everyone.

One day that I feel so Anti-Social that I didn't want to talk to anyone that i was silent for a few days even tho that I had to study and a lot of crap that goes through my life is. My speech therapy still haven't changed much when I was 5 yrs old. I never ever stand up for myself cause i never had real friends. just full of fake friends.

I just wish that i never became like this and just be full of spirited and be happy, I wasn't happy, I never had since later on in life. Even tho Drama always followed me until I done with school. Even tho it still is. Will I ever be happy?? Will I ever get a best friend that I will trust and share everything with her? I guess that I will never know.......

~~~
I feel nothing,
I feel sad,
I feel empty in my life,
Alone that I am still mostly,
It's pain inside of me,
I am tired of feeling like this,
How can I get through this,
When I am alone mostly,
I am tired of everything,
Mentally and physically,
I don't know how long I will last,
I am wishes everyday that I have
Someone with me 24/7,
Mentally for me is that I am hurt all the time,
Physically is that I feel like a burden to everyone,
I just feel nothing....
~~~

I feel Trapped,
I feel numb,
I feel nothing at all,
I got used to my own pain,
no one seen it,
I could never escaped it,
to my fears,
to my pain,
I feel troubled in my whole life,
first was my mom, and she was mentally sick,
Next been bullied,
Also, someone in my life in high school hurt me,
And someone harassed me,
Another is that my troubles won't ever leave me,
I feel faded from my friends,
and to my family,
I wish that my fears never came true,
that why that I am numb,
and always been.

I wonder how the ocean will feel like,
I wonder how painless it feels,
I wonder how beautiful it is,
I wonder if I will see the day will come,
My emotions would be better,
I wished it everyday,
Wish to be happy,
But it hard when I am in still a cage,
I almost escaped once,
I failed..
I been dragged back and it double locked,
If I tried again it could feel worse.
Like I would be *******,
It would make it even harder than before,
I just want to be free,
Just like the Ocean..
To be free.

I feel like right now
is that I don't deserve anything in life
and i don't have anyone to talk to.
My anxiety is very bad,
and my self-esteem isn't great.
i just don't know anymore.

confusion,
pain,
hurt,
crying for help,
no one could hear me.

Somethings that people can do is change,

Change is something that is good or bad,

That is what Reality is,

Reality is giving us to have a change to the world,

If some people change to the good,

that a good thing,

If some people change to the bad,

than that alright cause that is not us,

By God gives us a choice,

Heaven or Hell.

That the next part of Reality,

Choosing something that is easy to make,

Like which one is better,

be free, or burn in shame,

that is just simple is that.

I choose Heaven so I can be free and Happy,

it like a bird flying without getting hurt,

and that is what reality is.

If anyone would understand about my situation,
that I have been in.
I just can't take it.
I feel alone inside,
cause of people that I thought
that was my friends was threatening me.

I can't sleep cause of my pain.
I just need someone to talk
to me to understand my feelings.
I feel strong in the outside,
but in the inside,
I feel weak and afraid.

I been having panic attacks
ever since I have that threat.
I don't even know how
I can handle myself anymore.

I used to be Timeless cause my life
that no one cares about
me except my boyfriend.
he all that I have left
in this world to be honest.

he saved my life,
cause I was cutting
myself very bad.

no one believed me
cause they think that
I wouldn't do it.

I did a few times,
my cuts are healed cause
that I haven't done it
in a long time ago.

I just starved myself
when I do something wrong.
I feel pain inside cause of it.
I just don't know
what to do anymore.

Secrets to me is like a burning rose,
then when someone sees the burning rose,
it becomes hurt and pain.
It like a relationship with a friend stabbed you behind,
without you knowing it and see it.
Lies is like a burning rose,
A rose is like a special someone that you don't think
that you do something and you ask them if they do it,
they will deny it like they become burned,
I been there too many times to know what happens
to a precious rose.

My mind can't take anymore damages from her,
I am tired of her giving me nightmares,
My mind hurts when to think about it,
I just don't know why life hates me that badly,
What can I do to forget her when she scar me for life,
Ever that that I seen a red car or anything red,
My heart hurts and i don't know why,
I been in more worse situations,
but not like this,
she played my mind too many times,
i just heard voices in my head like it was her voice and
just tell me to **** myself,
My anxiety just raises up and i start panicking,
she made my mind twisted.

I was silence for so long,
I have been awoken,
I was tired of being quiet,
I was tired of being hurt all the time,
Even tho I am still hurt,
Sometimes that I need a real friend can at least cares for me,
For who I am and What I am,
From the Last chapter Unbelievable,
I needed to do it cause It was in my chest for so long,
I been hurt by her for a long time and someday that I never knew,
I do now know that I am not a fool and I am mostly free,
I wish that she just apologies for all the wrong,
so I will be free and she can too,
I pray everyday that she will.

I'm a late person. To be honest,
Feeling like that I am drained, but can't sleep,
The reason why that I will just cry,
I get horrible nightmares,
That i just have flashbacks
From the people that hurt me
The ones that made me suffered,
The ones that bullied me,
The ones that made me weak,
The ones that called me horrible names behind my back,
Also the worst of it all is the ones that made me naive to them.
I am just tired and i had tried to sleep,
But i can't....
It just so hard to deal with.

Trying to breathe,
Breathe in and out heavily,
It hurts like it never hurt before,
Trying to sleep, with everything that I have,
Nothing is working for me,
The pain of my nightmares are only
getting worse and worse everyday,
Getting over with my pain that I went through,
It hurts inside and out,
I just feel sleepless