My heart is burning like it's on fire. I can't explain it cause my anxiety thinks that I am alone and don't have anyone by my side. I am just hurting inside and people (My family, certain friends, etc) doesn't understand my problems. I been wanting to leave my home town cause I feel so isolated and I feel so helpless.

My shadows just giving me negative thoughts like "Cut yourself cause you deserve it, cause someone from your high schools ex-friend wants me to it" "Your so worthless" "Your Nothing" "Why Are you here anyway?" It my nightmares that giving me these things.

Sometimes that Half of my life was a lie cause how I was raise most of my life that no one seen me almost dying cause of my starvation when I was little. No one seen my cut myself,(Didn't do much of it.) I almost **** myself a few times cause I am tired of people hurting me and bullied me, lied to me too many times, and most worst thing, is stealing part of heart that wants me to care about them that hurt me.

I feel like screaming out and just let it out cause of my pain and suffering pain. no one seen my weak spot that I always cover everything and no one see me in pain. I always wear a mask that no one sees me crying. Most of my life wants to know why I am here anyways.

I been isolated in my room just doing nothing and look at the the tiles in my room, not saying anything to anyone. I feel alone and i am in pain. I feel like that I just feel numb and just don't know the words to say.

My whole life that I have speech problems ever since I was little, and Mostly that I was always quiet and not saying a word to anyone. The reason that I feel pain inside and when I feel numb, it the same issues. Their both the worst pain that I ever had, and it still is.

My mind been off lately
cause I have not post any stories
(not talking about poems)
I had been depressed
and lost cause of an betrayed ex-friend....
my mind isn't over it cause
she hurt me too many times
and I failed not to noticed the real her.....
I know now that people like her
will always keep doing things wrong
and I wish that she would change for me...
if she sees this,
I am sorry it just how I feel.
I never hurt her,
i never lied to her,
never back stabbed her,
anything....
i supported her even all the hurt...
if she changed i would of been her friend...
when someone hurt another,
it hard to get over that other person...
i been numb cause of it.
i harm myself cause of her,
i starved myself sometimes
when i did something wrong cause of her..
.
.
.
if you never hurt anyone you care
about leave a like...
that would mean a lot,
and it would give me hope...

When my life begins with pain,
I Suffered with pain
When people lies to me,
When someone hides things from me,
When someone a Psychopath and obsession about me,
When someone wants to hurt me,
when someone yells at me,
When someone wants to be mad at me,
When someone just someone got problems with me
That my life with suffering in pain.

When life comes in force,
somethings that i don't want to do,
somethings about to keep secrets,
somethings when people complains
about what they want me to do that i don't.

that why that things in life that isn't good for me
don't need to come in from suffering.

My suffering is that cause that i have people in
my life that does all those things to me or force me to do.
I want is peace and love.
That isn't hard to ask.

Over the last four months,
I been having issues in my life
is going upside down,
Pain that giving me into harms ways,
Been having bad thoughts isn't good,
My pain is telling me that I am done with everything,
But I don't want it to happened,
But it wants to control me,
I want it to be over that I don't
want to have them feelings,
My heart and my mind is numb,
just like my whole body is numb,
no one to talk to,
it breaks me easily,
I just want everything to be normal again.

When Someone is hurt,  just help them,
When Someone is in pain, heal them,
When Someone is Suffering, Cure them,
When Someone want Love, Love them,
When Someone is in Trouble, Support them,
When Someone want to hurt themselves, Be pure to them,
When Someone want to die, talk to them to support how they feel,
When they are in tear, wipe them away.

I feel like a waste of trash....
I have nothing to help myself from my past,
no one knows my tears...
No one seen my tears for ages,
I feel like a burden...
like how someone throw me away,
Broken tears always there for everyone to see,
No one does....
My life is boring,
No one to care to see my face...
Care about me...
I feel like no one wants to talk to me,
I just wear a hood and jeans whenever fall comes,
cause no one can see my pain.
I been push away cause of lies from others that hurts me,
I helped them and nothing helps...
I punish myself not to eat for a couple of days,
no one notice that too..
cause no one ask...
I am a problem...
That why that I don't talk to others,
Cause I am Anti-Social.
I getting to hate Facebook cause how the world is....
I hate things that gives me pain..
that okay I got used to it already...
that why My tears that no one sees....

Stress...
Pain....
depressed...
sad....
Confused....
"All the lies that I deal with
in a few months ago.
I am tired of lies
from someone that I once knew."
Flashbacks kills me to death...
All of the hurt that she done to me,
what to do about this problem.......

When I'm depressed,
I feel so torn apart,

When I'm depressed,
I feel so insecure,

When I'm depressed,
I feel so ruined,

When I'm depressed,
I feel so emotional.

When I feel so lonely,
I am just depressed.

I am just tired,
It the full reality

~~~~~~
When someone hurt you,
and it took them long enough
to make it up and hurt for a long time,
it too late when I had been broken,
I been causing myself worse than anyone thinks,
Like thinking what I shouldn't do,
I feel like a disappointment,
Feeling like a worthless toy to been thrown away,
feeling jealous that I don't have much in life,
I can't help it when I am like that,
just don't have people in real life to support me,
I don't know if I am worth anything..
~~~~~~

~~~

My mind feels confused,
I feel so lost that I just feel trapped,
I can't see anything but darkness
It hurts so much,
I don't see how people get out of it,
But I can't get out of my own madness,
Feels like more than madness,
It feels like hell.
-S.M 2019

~~~

My darkness is depressing,
No one seen my troubled times,
Even though their still is,
When I thought of someone had changed for because of someone or something,
Doesn't mean that it's true,
Even though they want the drama to end,
Doesn't mean that they will still hurt you,
I feel hurt cause of a promise,
That wasn't needed to be broken,
I was in tears when I realized it,
It was pain and I suffered long enough,
I know now I seen her true colors,
More than I know,
I still feel hurt,
The pain won't go away until I know something good about them.

Living a lie makes everything worse,
seeing the truth makes me want to leave,
getting hurt by everyone,
I feel torment,
getting distress by my anxiety,
makes me feel weak,
so much grief in my past,
that I can't be happy,
I have so much weight on my shoulders,
no one even knows the hell i been through.

I wish that I live in a Fantasy world with no trouble, but things is that life is an unknown reality. Living in a horrible life that people will have a different life problem that no one sees, or hears. Hearts breaks my many, and by many, I mean millions.

I have a lot of reasons that I have trust issues cause I have a lot of unknown truths from people that lies to me, goes behind my back way back in the days. I wish that I wasn't there to see it. Life has become to me to an unknown reality.

This is something about my life
that I Have to put this on here just to get
it out of my chest.

My heart is still in pain cause I have some things
that the truths that I haven't know,
that also been unknown.

I just wish that they would just told me the truth,
if they had done it,
I would not be as depressed and in pain.

My life is that my body is full of scars,
that things that I wish that things never had happened
my life would need support.

Maybe that I would never know the truth,
Maybe that no one would support my decision,
I just don't know anymore.

Sometimes when you lose someone,
I would be sad and hurt.

But in time i would matter as well
to forget them in my mind,
and don't remember them at all.

I try my best in my life
just to be friendly to them,
but they are friendly to me.
so That fine,
that their loss on they just lost
a really great person....

Things will change
for the rest of my life.

but I don't want things to change,
but i guess that i have to...
so good luck in my life,
and let see how long that I will last.......

My life is like this. Covering myself...
It cold, it hurts, I am feeling like that I am going to break,
Waiting to see what my life will be in the future and see
what is real, I don't know right now, cause I feel so cold and hurt,
I want to see what is real
in my terms and I want to see it a long time ago,
when someone in my life fool me too many times...
one day that I will know what is real.

nothing simple anymore,
i am trying,
it hard,
why am i like this,
do i hurt people,
do i blame myself..
without thinking of it,
well I don't know why I am like this,
I am just what I am..

My personally is nothing,
like I just don't know what I am,
do i feel like this everyday,
am i selfish that much,
i don't know...
that the point,
I will never know....

Would things matters when people lies,
would things matter if people stabs you(me) in the back,
is it okay when I stay in the dark forever,
is it fine when people calls me a nobody?
Would things matter when I go to a places to go no where,
Me just wonders why everything in this world is so cruel,
like a piece of leaf falls on my hands just crumbles in seconds,
like a burning fire.
The darkness is the worst way to go,
is when someone that have a mental state of issues in life that need help.
that when someone thinks that they are worthless when no one have anyone left.

When I thought about you like a yellow rose,
How I remembered you as a beautiful friend,
I thought of you a lot of support and love,
We used to had a strong Friendship,
I thought that our friendship that have undying love,  
We were having ups and downs that we always apology to each other,  
Our lives have intense emotion,  
You have a strong  life of jealousy cause you always have come back to me,
You always had broken heart,
By you what you done to me a very extreme betrayal.