Am I good enough?
Sometimes I don't know if I am.
cause people thinks of me that I hurt them,
I do though,
I punished myself to do it,
sometimes that I don't have a point of being here,
I am trying to be myself and forget my past,
I can't when I have trust issues,
When I also have depression, anxiety, and ptsd,
I have a ton of flashbacks and i drop to the ground and cry,
sometimes I want to give up,
I can't just yet though,
cause I don't have that courage to do it.

You the ones that made me hurt,
that I become broken,
But I become woken,
that we haven't spoke in ages,
so turn the page on your story, not mine,
that you went across the line,
also not realized it,
I am a winner either way,
I am a broken girl,
I always had help,
don't double cross me again,
I become stronger than you,
cause you lied too much,
it is easy to spot,
You made me broken,
and made me scars,
but that doesn't stop me from doing
what I want to do in life,
don't ever hurt me again.

By my time that I felt worthless,
I never knew that my life became breathless,
that life full of jealousy,
that I thought my scars were  temporarily,
I was wrong that I felt paralyzed,
Losing friends felt for me is very unreal,
But it is the reality that I felt stabbed,
those scars become bigger everyday.

when people tells me to move on,
i can't, i want to,
because I have to many problems in my life that,
i get flashbacks,
when i had a good day, bad things happens,
when i went to sleep, i get nightmares about it,
when i am a good mood, i felt my pain that I been through,
i can't stop thinking about things that won't go away,
I just want my pain to go away, for good,
I just don't have the courage to,
I don't want to, I just never have peace in my life
when stuff happens,
I feel hurt all over all the time when I get one of my flashbacks,
I just can't do everything right,
I feel like I am a burden that people like that wants to ruin my life,
and they are laughing about it, I can feel it too.

My life was full of hate and pain,
But Pain wants to hurt me still,
and I just hate what it is,
Now I am in a room full of darkness,
I need someone to help me,
Help me get out,
Help me and I want to be pure again,
Please....

When Someone is hurt,  just help them,
When Someone is in pain, heal them,
When Someone is Suffering, Cure them,
When Someone want Love, Love them,
When Someone is in Trouble, Support them,
When Someone want to hurt themselves, Be pure to them,
When Someone want to die, talk to them to support how they feel,
When they are in tear, wipe them away.

I don't like..
I Hate being Like this...
I hate that you don't know some things about me..
I don't want you to be upset with me about what it is..
I just..
I don't want to..
Pretend that I'm..
Okay..
I'm not okay.
I Just.
I feel like Breaking down
in tears all the time...
And I can't explain WHY!
Because that I don't know...
WHY!
I just want to be Happy!
And I know that you think...
that you can't make me happy!
You are when You are around me.
I just wish that you are around me everyday..
That you are the ONLY thing..
But you are the only thing
in my life that...
Keeps me going!
You're What Motivates me..
Everyday to be better..
To keep My head up!
I just been having nightmares lately and
I haven't told you...
I have nightmare that I could lose you..
I don't want that to happen.
I just feel like...
I... I can't..
I can't breathe
I am hurt inside,
cause I have no one but you...
you are the one that keeps me going.
that why that I love you...
The reason that I Anti-Social is cause that
I been a loner even before I knew you.
I hid that for a long time,
and I can't hide it anymore.
I get hurt easily and people tells me that I am weak cause of that.
I Haven't eaten much lately cause of my issues..
it hard for me to eat...
cause i am hurt mentally, even I don't show it around anyone..
Cause I don't want them to worry about me..
So my point that I want to say is that I was suicidal and once in a while I get like it for a little bit then I am okay after.
I was a broken girl even before I met you,
Even you didn't see it, and I felt being numb when I feel depressed so badly that I don't feel anything,

I am a mess and I have been suffering it for a long time.
You are the ONLY one that can fix me.
Pick up the pieces of my heart that was torn up by people that lied to me, betrayed me, throw me away, bullied, everything...

I just need this out of my chest,
because.. I just don't know what to do anymore....
My life that I have nothing to do...
I can't handle a job cause of my life was...

If it never happened to me, I would of been almost done in college by now... I would have a happier life, I would of have a mom in my life. I don't.... I don't Have a real mom that I can hold on to. I had bad Karma when I was a child. I had it a long time and I am so close to be ready to leave my old life and start a life with you and ONLY you.. Cause you saved my life,

if it was't for you in my life, I wouldn't be here...I love you so much that I will never will let you go... NO ONE will take us away from each other. You are my other half, My better half. You mean the world to me.

I am glad that your my only man that I want and need in my life... I have waited for someone like you for over 7 years. I prayed for someone like you... That make me happier than before. You are my one and only Man that I want.

My life is like this. Covering myself...
It cold, it hurts, I am feeling like that I am going to break,
Waiting to see what my life will be in the future and see
what is real, I don't know right now, cause I feel so cold and hurt,
I want to see what is real
in my terms and I want to see it a long time ago,
when someone in my life fool me too many times...
one day that I will know what is real.

Trying to breathe,
Breathe in and out heavily,
It hurts like it never hurt before,
Trying to sleep, with everything that I have,
Nothing is working for me,
The pain of my nightmares are only
getting worse and worse everyday,
Getting over with my pain that I went through,
It hurts inside and out,
I just feel sleepless

My mind was broken, into pieces,
No one understands my issues,
I was falling apart, I have no one
No one around me, alone...

Then I felt in love, with him,
But someone bothering us,
We felt it, a spark around us,
It felt infinitely, it is a warm feeling.

The man that gave me hope,
The man that saved me from my..
Suicidal stage, harm myself,
He helped me with it all.

Been harassed by one of her minion,
I felt pain inside, need to be stronger,
Stronger than her,
She hurt me and she doesn't know it all.

She wanted to show off at my place,
The pain that I thought that she changed,
Change her heart to become a better....
Better person...

The same as always, never will change,
The hurt, pain, I need help, please,
My man that comforts me,
The love that I feel wanted.

I am his and he is mine,
He gave me hope, Love, and faith,
Even though he have school,
So we can start a wonderful life,
Together.

The love that gives me
Is more than Infinity,
It is forevermore.

dreams can be good,
I wish.. cause my dreams
are always horrible,
Once in a while that I get good ones,
My minds always tells me that
something good or bad will happened,
and nine out of ten things of my life happens,
Feeling apart in life that i want to do that I can't.
dreams in my point of view comes to reality.

My heart tells me that I need love,
My brain tells me that I need to be alone,
My guts tells me that I need help,
My whole body needs everything.

My broken life been through hell,
My broken heart have been through pain,
My broken spirit have been through darkness,
My broken soul have been through everything.

My past self needed a mom in my life,
My present self needed friends in life,
My future self need to build a family and a happy life,
Today time self need my boyfriend help my mental self.

It hard to tell people about my issues,
It because of my past problems,
My life that no one know how difficult that it was,
I wish that I get some understanding of it,
I hope.

I am tired of life,
I am tired of people hurting me,
I am tired of people stabbing me behind my back,
I am hurt Physically and Mentally,
I am a mess up,
I am worthless,
I am nothing,
I am nothing but a waste of trash,
I am stressing about everything,
and I don't know what to do anymore.
#HelpMe2018

When someone thought that they care for you,
and one day that they would stab you in the back,
The pain, the hurt, I feel betrayed,
I thought that she care, no..
she didn't love you, she hates your guts in passion,
she wanted you to believe that she was your friend,
but no, she isn't, she called you worthless,
selfish B*, and a nobody,
That me though, I wanted to change her,
No she won't,
Why though, I hope that I could change her to be a good person,
NO!!! She hurt you too many times in high school
and no one believes you,
But.... but....
No buts, she stab you too many times and you
didn't felt it until now,
yeah, that true, it is the worst pain that I felt,
tell me, who didn't believe it???
Me, I didn't want to, I want her to change so bad that I want her to be a good person,
I know that you do, but you have to face the facts,
she won't ever change,
she needs to change on her own,
I hope that your right, she too late though,
oh, and why is that,
She lies to me, she keeps secrets behind my back,
she make fake people that doesn't exists,
Okay, tell me why that do you want to change her so badly?
Because, I was lonely and have no one then,
Anything else my friend,
No I am done with her, if she comes back to me,
I am not listening to her....
anymore lies that she pulls on towards me.
I done face the facts,
she never going to change, *Cries
I am done.
done with everything on her,
I Faced it.

Normal lives is like butterflies into your stomach.
Hard lives is like heartbroken inside,
Perfect is like confidence,
Trouble times is what humans always make.

Humans aren't perfect,
Humans are like a tree and see who last the longest,
Humans think different than everyone else,
Humans aren't pure like clean water.

Humans can be healthy like a washed out river,
Some humans are Mental that need help for others,
Some Humans need peace to have calming waters,
Humans need love for anyone that can gave them that.

Humans make mistakes in everyday lives,
Their two paths to go to and you choose where you want to go,
One is about beauty, life, hope, and love,
And another is power, money, being careless, and darkness.
what would you choose.

Humans have problems in life,
Humans might have worst problems that yours,
Humans have become stronger than others,
and other people are trying to get there,
Just to let you know that your not alone by being Human.

My Unknown thoughts
that my life was become
the full of Nature.

When I thought about you like a yellow rose,
How I remembered you as a beautiful friend,
I thought of you a lot of support and love,
We used to had a strong Friendship,
I thought that our friendship that have undying love,  
We were having ups and downs that we always apology to each other,  
Our lives have intense emotion,  
You have a strong  life of jealousy cause you always have come back to me,
You always had broken heart,
By you what you done to me a very extreme betrayal.

Secrets to me is like a burning rose,
then when someone sees the burning rose,
it becomes hurt and pain.
It like a relationship with a friend stabbed you behind,
without you knowing it and see it.
Lies is like a burning rose,
A rose is like a special someone that you don't think
that you do something and you ask them if they do it,
they will deny it like they become burned,
I been there too many times to know what happens
to a precious rose.

I wish that I live in a Fantasy world with no trouble, but things is that life is an unknown reality. Living in a horrible life that people will have a different life problem that no one sees, or hears. Hearts breaks my many, and by many, I mean millions.

I have a lot of reasons that I have trust issues cause I have a lot of unknown truths from people that lies to me, goes behind my back way back in the days. I wish that I wasn't there to see it. Life has become to me to an unknown reality.

I feel like everything is my fault,
cause that no one likes me,
I only have one guy in the world that cares,
i still feel alone,
i am mentally tired of my past,
My flashback hurts me everyday,
i feel alone even i am not physically,
but mentally that i do.
people that hurt me in the past thinks that
everything is my fault.

I haven't been doing great in the last few weeks. A lot of drama with family and other things in the past has torn me up to pieces. Cause Every bad thing that happened to my life that made me think these negative thoughts. I feel hurt, broken, numb and everything.....

I feel so useless cause I can't do anything to my life. I am losing my trust to anyone that I am hurt by people in real life so bad that, I feel paranoid....

My mind thinks that something bad things going to happen to me...

Sometimes that I feel very confused that why that I have these things in my life. That people lies to me, betrayed me, hurt me, and everything that happened to my life. So the other day that I went to the PH. D Therapist and I been diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety, Depression and Eating disorder.

I had a eating disorder since I was a child cause of my mom physically and mentally abused me and she doesn't remember it, cause she was sick.

(Every mental problem that people thinks that I am faking cause They also think that I bring attention. I hate doing that. I don't do that just for nothing, and If I was faking, I wouldn't been on here for long and that is just wrong..)

I am still upset about things in the past,

their is things that is still a mystery to me,

I am tired a lot of crap into my life,

I am tired of lies,

I am tired of a lot people lying to me in social Media,

I am trying to find out things that was a mystery to me,

I tried to let go,

It just that my heart wants to know the truth,

and it needs it so I can be free,

Like an bird that can go where ever it goes.

I am not a normal person cause
that My life wasn't normal,
I am more of a broken girl,
with a broken heart...
it hard for me to speak out...
it hard to let the people that I love,
for what wrong with me...
it hard for me to trust people in real life to deal with....
everything hurt.

Over the last four months,
I been having issues in my life
is going upside down,
Pain that giving me into harms ways,
Been having bad thoughts isn't good,
My pain is telling me that I am done with everything,
But I don't want it to happened,
But it wants to control me,
I want it to be over that I don't
want to have them feelings,
My heart and my mind is numb,
just like my whole body is numb,
no one to talk to,
it breaks me easily,
I just want everything to be normal again.

I can’t sleep at all cause of some things in my life is
and was a wreck.
My Anxiety is going up ever since a few months back
and i am tired of some certain person that i know
that wants to ruin people life like mine.
I am sick of High School Drama,
and certain person that i know needs to grow up and have a life.
If anyone wants to know, ask me
cause i am tired pf this is stuck into my chest for years.
Sometimes that i feel like that i am done with life
and sometimes that it the opposite of that.
I have a eating disorder since i was 4
cause how i been treated when i was little.
Depression and anxiety came from my age between 8-10 years old. PTSD came from my high school life that i became Anti-Social.
also from my Panic Attacks.
I don’t want to talk about my other thing that happened to me a couple years ago cause it pains me.
I am done with Certain things of life.
I need support in my life that i can’t handle anymore and sometimes that i dislike myself for it.
the past wants to haunt me forever.
dreams that i had is about my past and it hurts badly.
it hard to tell someone and sometimes that i want to do in a dark hole. I am a broken soul that is hard to fix.
i only need one person and it my man that i love.

Betrayed is the worst thing of my life.
My only friend in real life betrayed me
and I feel a broken girl
that feels numb.

The World Confuses me,
I am connected into the dark,
It's Lock from the outside,
that I can't reach.

Their is no way out,
the dark wants me to stay,
I cried that I want out,
but it won't let me.

I wish that I would get out,
So I can count the stars in the night,
that the beauty isn't here,
they want to break me,
start in the inside and out.

I am broken,
it hurts so much,
no one sees my wounds,
when I look at my mirror,
It there with me, my scars.

Broken,
numb,
hurt,
pain,
everything that is getting me.

My sleepless nights,
that wants me to stay awake,
my days goes on like this,
wants me to stay in the dark,
that the reasons that I am Broken.

Sometimes that I feel like That I am worthless,

and some people that I used to know thinks...

That I use these things for my attention,

I am not,

To me, No one sees me in person,

No one sees my pain,

No one knows what I am thinking,

I am making a true statement,

My tears that no one sees,

I am a broken person that no one knows,

I harm myself to not to eat, starve myself,

It sad to me cause it my punishment.

I feel sometimes that I am worthless,

What can I do with this....

Am I Worth it???

My Bad Karma Already destroyed me,
cause of people's Actions towards me,
My broken life consumes me,
My bad karma that I been betrayed,
People that hurt me gave me horrible Karma,
My pain is my bad Karma,
My past is my bad karma,
I been a fool is my bad karma,
My depression is my bad Karma,
My anxiety is my bad karma,
my worst enemies gives me a living hell,
Everything from my bad side is my bad karma.
I am broken inside,
I am numb inside,
that why that I am living with it.

My mind been off lately
cause I have not post any stories
(not talking about poems)
I had been depressed
and lost cause of an betrayed ex-friend....
my mind isn't over it cause
she hurt me too many times
and I failed not to noticed the real her.....
I know now that people like her
will always keep doing things wrong
and I wish that she would change for me...
if she sees this,
I am sorry it just how I feel.
I never hurt her,
i never lied to her,
never back stabbed her,
anything....
i supported her even all the hurt...
if she changed i would of been her friend...
when someone hurt another,
it hard to get over that other person...
i been numb cause of it.
i harm myself cause of her,
i starved myself sometimes
when i did something wrong cause of her..
.
.
.
if you never hurt anyone you care
about leave a like...
that would mean a lot,
and it would give me hope...

I feel Trapped,
I feel numb,
I feel nothing at all,
I got used to my own pain,
no one seen it,
I could never escaped it,
to my fears,
to my pain,
I feel troubled in my whole life,
first was my mom, and she was mentally sick,
Next been bullied,
Also, someone in my life in high school hurt me,
And someone harassed me,
Another is that my troubles won't ever leave me,
I feel faded from my friends,
and to my family,
I wish that my fears never came true,
that why that I am numb,
and always been.

I feel like a waste of trash....
I have nothing to help myself from my past,
no one knows my tears...
No one seen my tears for ages,
I feel like a burden...
like how someone throw me away,
Broken tears always there for everyone to see,
No one does....
My life is boring,
No one to care to see my face...
Care about me...
I feel like no one wants to talk to me,
I just wear a hood and jeans whenever fall comes,
cause no one can see my pain.
I been push away cause of lies from others that hurts me,
I helped them and nothing helps...
I punish myself not to eat for a couple of days,
no one notice that too..
cause no one ask...
I am a problem...
That why that I don't talk to others,
Cause I am Anti-Social.
I getting to hate Facebook cause how the world is....
I hate things that gives me pain..
that okay I got used to it already...
that why My tears that no one sees....

I feel like that my life is a mess,
I don't have a lot of time about my mind think of good,
My mind is always thinks about the bad,
and I can't help it.

I am physically and mentally sad
and torn apart when no one is around,
No one knows the reason why
I sleep late when I use my phone...

Sometimes that I wish that my life
was better, and easier.
I just want to do certain things in life that I want to do.

I am a huge mess,
when I do something wrong,
i don't eat much just to punish myself,
i didn't care though.

I have a eating disorder since i was 4 years old or maybe younger,
my mom was sick with a mental Disease that she didn't feed me much.
I was starting then to feel depressed,
and i starved myself at least 2 or 3 times.
i can't remember a lot but i remember that issue in that.

All that i did is drink Pop just to keep me alive.
I am so pale that I don't have iron into my system,
my body system gets confused and i can't think about that much.

I am a huge mess,
and sometimes that I need someone....

To be honest...
My life was full of lies..
I am getting tired of the messes that I been through.
Through these past few months,
one person stalked me
and find where I actually live at,
another person harassed me for a long while,
Another thing that I try
to get help get through all of it,
ever since High school.
I been through the same drama,
even now,
I am not in high school,
not even college cause
of my mental disorders
that one girl gave me.
the past hurts me everyday,
and because she the one that I know,
ruined my life,
I want her to stay away
from me and my man.

Yes I have been taken.
Anyways,
I am sick of her lies.
The past hurts me
and I been through hell cause of her,
and her lies to me and others and
some of them are naive to see her true colors.
I been trying to help her,
I gave her too many chances,
I supported her and all that she did,
is to push me away,
and hurt me.
That Is what I feel about this
mess that I wish to forget.

I feel like right now
is that I don't deserve anything in life
and i don't have anyone to talk to.
My anxiety is very bad,
and my self-esteem isn't great.
i just don't know anymore.

When my life begins with pain,
I Suffered with pain
When people lies to me,
When someone hides things from me,
When someone a Psychopath and obsession about me,
When someone wants to hurt me,
when someone yells at me,
When someone wants to be mad at me,
When someone just someone got problems with me
That my life with suffering in pain.

When life comes in force,
somethings that i don't want to do,
somethings about to keep secrets,
somethings when people complains
about what they want me to do that i don't.

that why that things in life that isn't good for me
don't need to come in from suffering.

My suffering is that cause that i have people in
my life that does all those things to me or force me to do.
I want is peace and love.
That isn't hard to ask.

Stress...
Pain....
depressed...
sad....
Confused....
"All the lies that I deal with
in a few months ago.
I am tired of lies
from someone that I once knew."
Flashbacks kills me to death...
All of the hurt that she done to me,
what to do about this problem.......

“Betrayal doesn’t only break your heart
but also darkens your soul.
You’ll never forget the pain
like a fog that forever lingers
in the depths of your mind.”

Somethings that people can do is change,

Change is something that is good or bad,

That is what Reality is,

Reality is giving us to have a change to the world,

If some people change to the good,

that a good thing,

If some people change to the bad,

than that alright cause that is not us,

By God gives us a choice,

Heaven or Hell.

That the next part of Reality,

Choosing something that is easy to make,

Like which one is better,

be free, or burn in shame,

that is just simple is that.

I choose Heaven so I can be free and Happy,

it like a bird flying without getting hurt,

and that is what reality is.