Secrets to me is like a burning rose,
then when someone sees the burning rose,
it becomes hurt and pain.
It like a relationship with a friend stabbed you behind,
without you knowing it and see it.
Lies is like a burning rose,
A rose is like a special someone that you don't think
that you do something and you ask them if they do it,
they will deny it like they become burned,
I been there too many times to know what happens
to a precious rose.

I wish that I live in a Fantasy world with no trouble, but things is that life is an unknown reality. Living in a horrible life that people will have a different life problem that no one sees, or hears. Hearts breaks my many, and by many, I mean millions.

I have a lot of reasons that I have trust issues cause I have a lot of unknown truths from people that lies to me, goes behind my back way back in the days. I wish that I wasn't there to see it. Life has become to me to an unknown reality.

I feel like everything is my fault,
cause that no one likes me,
I only have one guy in the world that cares,
i still feel alone,
i am mentally tired of my past,
My flashback hurts me everyday,
i feel alone even i am not physically,
but mentally that i do.
people that hurt me in the past thinks that
everything is my fault.

I haven't been doing great in the last few weeks. A lot of drama with family and other things in the past has torn me up to pieces. Cause Every bad thing that happened to my life that made me think these negative thoughts. I feel hurt, broken, numb and everything.....

I feel so useless cause I can't do anything to my life. I am losing my trust to anyone that I am hurt by people in real life so bad that, I feel paranoid....

My mind thinks that something bad things going to happen to me...

Sometimes that I feel very confused that why that I have these things in my life. That people lies to me, betrayed me, hurt me, and everything that happened to my life. So the other day that I went to the PH. D Therapist and I been diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety, Depression and Eating disorder.

I had a eating disorder since I was a child cause of my mom physically and mentally abused me and she doesn't remember it, cause she was sick.

(Every mental problem that people thinks that I am faking cause They also think that I bring attention. I hate doing that. I don't do that just for nothing, and If I was faking, I wouldn't been on here for long and that is just wrong..)

I am still upset about things in the past,

their is things that is still a mystery to me,

I am tired a lot of crap into my life,

I am tired of lies,

I am tired of a lot people lying to me in social Media,

I am trying to find out things that was a mystery to me,

I tried to let go,

It just that my heart wants to know the truth,

and it needs it so I can be free,

Like an bird that can go where ever it goes.

I am not a normal person cause
that My life wasn't normal,
I am more of a broken girl,
with a broken heart...
it hard for me to speak out...
it hard to let the people that I love,
for what wrong with me...
it hard for me to trust people in real life to deal with....
everything hurt.

Over the last four months,
I been having issues in my life
is going upside down,
Pain that giving me into harms ways,
Been having bad thoughts isn't good,
My pain is telling me that I am done with everything,
But I don't want it to happened,
But it wants to control me,
I want it to be over that I don't
want to have them feelings,
My heart and my mind is numb,
just like my whole body is numb,
no one to talk to,
it breaks me easily,
I just want everything to be normal again.