Phoenix

Phoenix Jan 2021

Hurt

I wish that I just move on from the past,
But someone that I know won't,
they hurt me too many times for no reason,
I just wish that person can just move on,
I just don't know why things happens to me,
I just feel hurt too many times.
I am just done with them for good!

Phoenix Jan 2020

0:00

Sometimes that I feel everyday that I am losing myself little by little...
I can't explain myself because that it sad for people with mental problems like me have to go through a lot just to stay strong..
but not in a healthy way...
Because I am still alive but not eating right because of my eating disorder...
I don't sleep great because of everything that I been though...
I don't look as good because I am losing confidence and self-esteem...
I have no friends physically because of my trust issues...
and I don't talk much...
I have to go out in public some because I am helping my sick grandmother...
I can't handle crowds...
I am trying to hold it for so long...
I stayed in my room because I feel safe from the Reality...
I am Broken from the people that hurt me and betrayed me.
It feel like forever that I just want to be free....

Phoenix Nov 2019

sleepless;

I'm a late person. To be honest,
Feeling like that I am drained, but can't sleep,
The reason why that I will just cry,
I get horrible nightmares,
That i just have flashbacks
From the people that hurt me
The ones that made me suffered,
The ones that bullied me,
The ones that made me weak,
The ones that called me horrible names behind my back,
Also the worst of it all is the ones that made me naive to them.
I am just tired and i had tried to sleep,
But i can't....
It just so hard to deal with.

Phoenix Oct 2019

Unhappiness;

Living a lie makes everything worse,
seeing the truth makes me want to leave,
getting hurt by everyone,
I feel torment,
getting distress by my anxiety,
makes me feel weak,
so much grief in my past,
that I can't be happy,
I have so much weight on my shoulders,
no one even knows the hell i been through.

Phoenix Sep 2019

ocean;

I wonder how the ocean will feel like,
I wonder how painless it feels,
I wonder how beautiful it is,
I wonder if I will see the day will come,
My emotions would be better,
I wished it everyday,
Wish to be happy,
But it hard when I am in still a cage,
I almost escaped once,
I failed..
I been dragged back and it double locked,
If I tried again it could feel worse.
Like I would be *******,
It would make it even harder than before,
I just want to be free,
Just like the Ocean..
To be free.

Phoenix Sep 2019

why am I like this;

nothing simple anymore,
i am trying,
it hard,
why am i like this,
do i hurt people,
do i blame myself..
without thinking of it,
well I don't know why I am like this,
I am just what I am..

My personally is nothing,
like I just don't know what I am,
do i feel like this everyday,
am i selfish that much,
i don't know...
that the point,
I will never know....

Phoenix Sep 2019

instant pain... mentally;

When sometimes that I feel lost, confused, hurt.

~I try my very best to get along with everyone that I once knew in my whole heart.
Sometimes, I don't want to move on just yet.
Bit I have to let it go.
They just don't know me at all.
I just need to breathe.
I always get to worry all the time.
I just don't know why?
My heart always been broken.
I have one problem after another.

I just with that I just fix all of my mistakes,
but all that the people I once Knew,
just blocked me away.
It just not going to solve anything.
I just wish that their's another way.
They just want to shut my out...
I just guess that life doesn't matter to me anymore.

A few years ago...
Even though it forever.
I once knew a girl that she was my best friend
that she was a sister to me,
At least that I got to talk to her a little bit.
I gave her a graduation present a few months ago
before she left.
Then a while later,
she blocked me.
I felt so confused and lost
I never ever wanted to hurt anyone.

'Sometimes that I always thinking that people are saying to my head in thought like, "Go **** yourself" I don't know why that I thought of that.

I always thinking that I'm always alone in my heart. That people that doesn't understands me anymore. People that I once knew that doesn't know my past stories, They don't know what happened to me.

People breaks promises to me and it hurts a lot. I just don't understand. I just want to get along with everyone that I see.

I just bet that the people that I once knew that won't see this, the ones i knew in my heart. It feels what they are saying to me, "I am glad that I ruin your life and no one cares about you. Go jump off of a cliff... and others that I don't want to say.."

My head been thinking these things over and over and I am sick of this ****!!!! I just don't know why am I here in this world anymore?? My life is here for no reason for what it looks like........

I see why I am still feeling this way.. Thinking of my past is still inside of my head... It just don't want to stop.. I hate this feeling.. It's eating me alive...