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Sep 2014 · 325
M.
Pea Sep 2014
M.
Do you even know
that I still write about you?
Blue moon, cats, o you!
Sep 2014 · 662
Untitled
Pea Sep 2014
Bugs bitten skin deep soul
[I slept on lot of empty plastic bottles]
Salted eyeballs, a chopstick
Two, they always asked for two
[Stamped]
White chalks, bitter coughs
Childhood! Roses and a caterpillar
I had taught myself not to cry
Grown like gecko, became huge as *** of fears
Empty cocoon
Music box, grandmother, her smile and mole
[Nice pass, basketball]
Please turn off the lights and lock the window
[Too fat, though]
I wondered what more I could ask for
How perfect, monochrome
I was born, the world
[Moths are beautiful too]
Hey hey oily feathers
Butterflies cannot fly too high after all
It was never battle scars the ocean loved
[Eyeballs, remember eyeballs]
Forked
Babies and the steps
Climb your stairs, lungless
[Eyes were the most burned]
Chest, o Christmas tree and wedding cake
Claps, stories of mockery
Photographs, memories, what stays and fades
[The bridge saw you and fell in love--
I was crossing it
I was crossing it]
Pea Sep 2014
Bedroom breeze, moonlit
water and late night shower.
I pray to the trees.
Sep 2014 · 645
breakfast and dialects
Pea Sep 2014
I almost thought that I was screaming but at least it should have been a safer place. I let my face seem like pig but my chest kept thinking that I was just having a sun diameter long run. It is true that my shirt smells like sweat but it was just delivered by my sweet but not tasty laundry aunt. I am sitting here, in front of me is the library. I try to respect my hunger by just admiring the stairs and thigh thick books from afar.

On the right side there are my schoolmates pretending to be a friend with this one gay guy, invisibly bullying but who cannot see it? I can feel insecurity bawling out of his nostrils and it fills the air with an intense reeking of headache and street lights sold cheap perfume. I think I should go back to my place and wash my hair until it smells like grass or something nice, like seawater or grandma's handkerchief.

I must pretend to be insane or else I am going to spend my life seeking for the top I do not want to step on.

There is no safe place at all. This is the safest I could find, but there are voices of people chatting and laughing and the smokes of their cigarettes and the sound of airplane and footsteps and life, and life, I even can hear the leaves beside me photosynthesizing. Send me home already.

On Wednesday my roommate does not have class and that means if I go back now I would find her sleeping on the desk with her eyeglasses on, or worse, I think I would find her studying her latin names of the animal bones and when I open the door she would greet me with her usual green smile and I would have to reply with at least half of her smile and now I already feel the balloon in my chest hugged too tightly by the ribs.

I should have taken another major instead. Maybe something like agriculture so I at least could be a use for the soil or to feed the worms. The people passing by seem to be looking through my skin. It's not my fault that they have to run to the toilet as fast as they can. At first I thought the sport festival was here. It was perfectly normal for them to be so much competitive.

The flushes sound exactly like this one neuron I got, or these split ends that have split ends that have split ends.

I am the only one inanimate here. My shoes speak German and I think they just want to go to an elegantly candlelit restaurant but all I can think of is a cave with blue and green mosses and cavemen with their torches. Only this square, blue thing with blinding pink font in my gray backpack tries to keep me safe. But I let it stay in the dark, and it was a right decision because I would not know what I would be if I had felt safe when a friend greeted me and asked what I was doing here.
Sep 2014 · 541
Sonja
Pea Sep 2014
"I once tried to fit my head and whole body in a Pringles can, just so
someday when I die, it would be easier for them to bury me."

It was something Sonja would say.

Though I begin to forget who she is, how she likes to think, what she
likes to say and do. I am erasing her, though all we ever were is a
dancer's footprints on the beach.

We have never had a proper dance lesson. I wonder what kind of lie it
was when I thought of buying a pair of nice, soft pink ballet shoes. But
honesty runs in my blood and that's why each month I bleed for seven
days.

I am gluing the butterflies to the wall. They would glow in the dark and
do with us what the Blue Fairy do with Pinocchio.

None of us has ever lied until we found the ruby. I feel that her nose is
becoming longer, longer than ever.

It feels ethereal, like we are one but separated. Light as an angel's step. I
cannot stop thinking about the dance.

Going to the beach, while the road is still moonlit.

Tonight the sky is clear. I can hear the crickets chirp. I am forgetting
how her voice sounds, how her hair falls, how her eyes open and close. I
think it's because I might have defenestrated her.

That is how the curtain insists to stay in red.

"I want to marry my earphone."*

I wonder if it is also something Sonja would say. I only remember her
as a yellow thing, small as sprout and dead as bark. She tried a lot to
kiss some metal and cold liquids, but her lips were too unreal and her
nails would not ever grow long.

I think she fell and broke a whole skull.

It is always our dream to be the sand.
Sep 2014 · 377
Flimsy-
Pea Sep 2014
Your skin smells like sharpie and the third
page of my sketch book. How it glows in
the dark reminds me of this one mermaid
whose hair keeps falling. I don't know how
she isn't bald yet. She does not cry, her
milky eyes seem to be so calm yet so
immoral, pearl-like greasy beam like some
oil spills on the ocean.

You have eyes like marine birds and that is
what truly makes me afraid.

Your nose is a branch of that fig tree I
killed during the last time I was trying to
find Narcissus. I remember that that day
Echo and I cried like mermaids and from
our eyes fell pearls and we did not wonder
at all why it did not hurt. It was a good
sign, kind of good like caution wet floor.
You know how I wish I could hang it in
front of my bedroom door.

You keep biting your lips only to keep the
blood flowing. I cannot say that I have
never seen waterfall as iron as that. I only
can give you tons of salt and you can use
that on your lips at midnight or when you
wake up from a nightmare at 4 a.m.

You grow hibiscus on your throat and
every time you speak all I can hear is the
pink and yellow and red and ants.

You have breath like motion sickness and
the dusty bench in front of the library. I will
go inside and become a ****** book 'til the
rest of my life. I will stay as pure as ever
when I am burned along with the library.

Your ears sound like lullaby and world war
three. You see, history is falling asleep so
peacefully, just like Mother Teresa or
Gandhi.
Sep 2014 · 322
Sunday Morning
Pea Sep 2014
Don't you need more and more caffeine
after a cold sleepless night
where you ***** a glimpse of stars next morning

It's just that I stare at the red curtain too much
I mistaken it as a human
and begin to think that breathing through its fibers
is a form of socialization too

Sun, you come to me
and say I cannot be sprout
You do not shine
for me

It's the worst when you don't know
why you start to feel like crying in front of some strangers
and suddenly begin to cry after you spent a long long time not thinking
of tears at all
It's okay, I am okay
I am sorry that I cry
It's nothing, not anyone's fault,
please just put the blame on my tear glands

I wonder if I would survive at all
They say a lot, "be strong"
And I know that does mean
that I am weak
Sep 2014 · 256
Untitled
Pea Sep 2014
Unfinished poems are the
Pea Sep 2014
Daisy ate too much
She is afraid to *****
Toilet, please be nice!
Sep 2014 · 479
A frenzy
Pea Sep 2014
You taste like miscarriage
Back pain is free hugging
It's never been so clear how the walls are white
This room has two mirrors
None of them talks about medications

Your nose seems to know how kindle to the eyes the air is
It tastes like green chili
Or an itch on the back of your neck
You haven't shampooed in months
Stirred stomach

Maybe that is how she talks about the abortion
You hand me two roses
They have never had thorns
Last night I was throwing up tulips
Throat sour like some smile

Your tongue tastes like daddy
Lifted from chest
It was a surgery
You wish it had failed
They found Jesus instead

It is not chest pain
It is just enough that it tastes like pickled her
Bring the jar to you
I'll bring the jar to you
It is blended with your scalp and last Saturday's meal

It has never been so clear why the floor is white
This room has two lamps
None of them knows who Maryjane is
As we are so white as the pipes
I am going to the bathroom

Tomorrow you'll be fine
Just not today
Just keep holding on for tonight
Just repeat this day after day
Tomorrow you'll be fine
Sep 2014 · 6.9k
And after that
Pea Sep 2014
And after that I am still a hollow where the
fairies hide from darkness and poisons. I
am still growing flowers out of my womb
and that is why they stink like *******.

And after that your disbelief kills all my
sparky pixies and after that I cannot be
anything more than a hollow hollow. But
yeah I am still growing flowers out of my
wound and that is why I scream and cry
when you touch them.

And after that the stillness of the air inside
me and the remnant echo of morning songs
attract the darkness to come. And after that
I think she may feel lonely so I invite
poisons to also come along.

And after that I am still growing flowers
out of the wound on my womb. They still
stink like ******* and after that
vomitting feels like womanhood thing. And
after that my flowers are still immortal and
that is why sometimes you see blood clot
floating around the moon.
Sep 2014 · 292
witnesses
Pea Sep 2014
Trees, you remember
my name I don't even do.

[It's not a thank you.]
You are always the same, with your wise
gazes every day. Yet emotionless. I bet you
all are taking notes.
Sep 2014 · 465
sleepy hunger
Pea Sep 2014
I see Isadora and her scarf
and begin to think about the tire.
Or an ice cream made out of the stars,
though it would taste more like fire.

Was it fire or was it gas, when
a dance was the wildest?
Do not let them tame you, Budd. But you
have nothing to do with anything here,
so go **** your warning, Budd.
No one ever really heard you.
They only saw the erratic dance, spread
like wildfire, it burned their eyes but did not make ashes.
Even a candle could not be lit, the government just
did not want anything to be melted.

I see Christine and a box of silver!
My heart reeks of reptile or a motorcycle
or it is just an excitement of a .38 you know what and the vocabulary
isn't wide enough to rhyme sleepily but
let's see this together, Budd.
They put you under the label hero.

If I were them, I would not.

[Calm down, Sylvia. Yes, yes, your Dame Kindness
is so nice!]

I see Vincent and Ryan.

[Calm down, Sylvia. You were a deer, a peacock, a thorny tulip,
yellow thing with white skin.]

They are hungry, one was dead, another is still alive
with a smile ear to ear, disgusting as it does sound.

[ ]

I close my eyes and I see a sun and hear mountains,
river flows and swimming lungs,
the unconsciousness glows
like a midnight hunger.
But it was not the clock that ticked, it was all
in my head.

[Calm down, Sylvia. You are
now too pure already.]
Sep 2014 · 530
Remaining Ruins
Pea Sep 2014
Daisy, it's strange how you become a
flower crown. Soon I will forget where I
put you, although it is always and all the
time on my head.

Forget me not, my chest can no longer feel
the hurt of longing. It was not a longing at
all from the first place, the place where we
stay but do not know each other.

Red rose, you wither, I notice. Now say,
isn't it useless for both of us to keep
changing the water in the vase? Some said
ice cubes would help, but it's been too late.

Jasmine, is it the whiteness or the scent of
the warm tea? I thought of growing you but
I am currently staying in a kind of cold
dorm and you may have some hypothermia.


Soil, and minerals, I would not glorify you
like that. You are no longer a God, I cut the
string connecting you and my lovely earth.
You are just a part of the world, a mere citizen.

*[The geographical errors are still there, not
here anymore, but the roof and all the nice
things we built are now a ruin. But that's it,
really. Let's discuss the opening hours.]
Sep 2014 · 556
Alibaba
Pea Sep 2014
You make me feel like a pet snake or some precious stone
While all I really am is a warm, feathery thing with a heart, beating.
These two small wings,
I'd rather fly and be shot during my flight
Than be a flattering cold and be put in your fancy drawer
Sep 2014 · 348
Going Out
Pea Sep 2014
Death,
Don't die.
Let's have ice,
Or fire.
What's your,
Favorite flavor?
It could be,
Strawberry,
Or coffee.
But first,
Let's answer that,
Telephone call.
Or it could be,
Mango or,
Plain skin cells.
But first,
Don't forget to,
Lock,
The window and,
The that door.
Pea Sep 2014
Tightest of all
Clenching teeth
Belly pain

Sautéed olives
Glossy pull it out
Not minded ******

Beg them be gone
Sleep less read more
A lousy writer
Sep 2014 · 348
Limp
Pea Sep 2014
Smoky head,
I know you are in there,
Holding breath,
And dusty lungs,
I find myself choking,
Remnant crushed seeds,
Angelic jasmines,
Dried lake,
Emeralds and rubies,
A shot robin,
Melted gold in blood vessels,
Precious floats,
Molten stars your tears,
Teeth o moon's dreams,
Price less in fool eyes,
I once was blind and still,
Cannot feel.
Aug 2014 · 1.3k
Body Paint
Pea Aug 2014
My belly screams
like a chili,
its tear tidy,

Shower seems so teenage-like
as if I have another acne on
my chin,

Eyes open, wide, blinking
is illegal yet everyone claims
to be suicidal,

My baby bear, Goldilocks
actually had black hair,
long, in a braid like Rapunzel,

Please climb the tower
and meet me, meet
my paint, my paint,

Typos are what make
us human, the chest
has found its old self,

Aching in joy of paint,
once upon a time there was a fan
of hurt lived in a canned rainforest.
Aug 2014 · 343
Trust
Pea Aug 2014
I like to see your hand
as a bridge, above the rushing river,
crossing a waterfall.
Aug 2014 · 264
How it works
Pea Aug 2014
A year, it's been a year.

I promised I would not **** ants
anymore but I just killed them yet again.
My fingers smell like insects and

ammonia in bathroom.
It's just that I haven't died in such

a long time,
daisy, promise me that you will

write about me
on a public bathroom wall
with your wife's grape lipstick.
Buy her one, she would not want to use

the blood-red-from-my-vessels one, but please
tell her
to use the baby cologne I

can buy at the minimarket.
Pea Aug 2014
You cannot hear my cry
Not only because I am noisy yet voiceless

I am not a stream
Nothing that wells nor flows

But tonight I'll dream of an ocean
So vast it has its own milky way

I'll dream of the tides, and storms above
I'll dream of thunders and earth's wrath

Before sleep, stillness, it's I who keep it;
My mirror keeps humming a wraith
Aug 2014 · 337
Learning Alphabets
Pea Aug 2014
The story behind me
is made of the pages of a torn book
of alphabets, the one your older
sister used to learn from;
A is for Apple
B is for Bee, or Butterfly,
C is for Cat
D is torn and gone
So is E
F is for Fire
G is for Grudge
H is for Hatred, especially towards self
I is for It becomes wrong,
J is for Jesus, oh and Just
K, for Kidding
L, M, N,
O, they are not here anymore
I am afraid the rests are gone too
P is for Pizza
Q is for Queen
R is for Resentment
S is for Sardonic
T is for T, a nickname of a ballet dancer,
U is for Umbrella
V is for Vanilla
W, X, Y? Why should they exist, when
Z is for Zoo, where I am caged?
Aug 2014 · 307
22:55 p.m.
Pea Aug 2014
I left my honesty
at home

and just like the nights
before, my roommate is

sleeping with her
glasses on.
Pea Aug 2014
You smell like seafood
And even if it doesn't mean
That I cannot live without you,
The more important thing is

It actually does mean that, but
That really is not the point,
And I do not even try
To make this sounds boring

Yet I know you've yawned a hundred
Times, but despite that
You are still reading this because
Kindness has something to do

With you, in red and blue
As to be seen on my biology book
And naturally, the most important thing is
Not yet to be said.

So let's talk about smaller things
Like house that feels like bus stop
Or the songs you hummed in your sleep
Or the turtles that taste like home,

Or just come back home
Even if you had said you would
Not, I cannot possibly remember
A thing about parting.
Aug 2014 · 748
State
Pea Aug 2014
Mostly it's chest pain whenever i
see your words, but today
it's different and fresh and new.

It's the kind of feeling of mild
starvation, softly hurting like a baby
kick from inside your womb,

a baby that you know is not yours.
It's a stomachache like hers, or just binge
eating extremely sour and spicy things

where the road will not stay still,
it races with the cars and traffic lights,
it stumbles when it loses, it curls the

pedestrians up inside it; just another way of
showing the stirred of love and despair,
the paint that closely resembles its pain.
Aug 2014 · 245
A morning, u in question
Pea Aug 2014
Clenched teeth, she is going to throw
her dear phone against the window

for the second time, fanning slow,
she is going to collect the pieces of sorrow

she mistakenly thought as flowery anger.
It doesn't shine blue, although it is fire

that burns true, that dances as kitten's purr;
Isadora sings, there is never a scarf so pure.

Sacred years, tingles between the pores,
sour-scented candles, scared youths, goodness

can only formed by time.
Butterflies are goddesses, they only

exist in sweetened myths. She,
she is a moth, timeless.
Aug 2014 · 569
sleepy haiku
Pea Aug 2014
hi, it's friday. i
am saying your name, but no
longer in prayer.
Aug 2014 · 255
Cat
Pea Aug 2014
Cat
My love, what gives me
peace; without war there is none-
My love, what gives me life; also what kills-
what knows; like the cat I
have nine times to die.
Deadline, there is something much
more important; suicide prevention lifeline.
My love, my right to live, my right to die;
I wish I were deeper than
children section at the pool-
Where I first tried to drown-
Water loves but you
are the most; Since you found me,
since I found you,
since then I recognized you
in blood vessels, living in
tummy that used to be afraid of soda.
My love, I make you weak, never stronger
than ever; I make you light,
never hold so much, never be another than
malnutritional.
My love, I will not let go of you,
just like you won't of me.
I only **** you, like you do,
like you had done, I did it,
bare-handed.
Aug 2014 · 455
plagiarism; a wish
Pea Aug 2014
coffee and words and sylvia.

they are all dead,
i buried them
with my corpse.

in a same hole.

with a same nameless headstone,
but only my skull
would remain.
and someday someone would find
the teeth i left and think;
"she wanted storms."

actually i am one.
with the eye named sylvia,
but coffee makes her blind,
like a love.

"love is a verb,"
you said.

keep coughing up
butterflies;
i only have
dead ones.

resurrection out of date.

funny ideas.
betrayed reality.
i made you up inside my head.
Aug 2014 · 366
weak
Pea Aug 2014
the midnight songs you used to play
on the radio-
it is better than your voice;
it hurts less, the aches are light;
soft wind at purplish evening.
forming bruises, even without ink they do fade;
permanent scars- open often, bleed; rush!
lesser than a tattoo,
low quality yet overrated,
nothing like flickering fire-
art? it is actually trash.
Aug 2014 · 241
seven
Pea Aug 2014
I will not choose one-
Scattering the energy;
Is not it a choice?
Aug 2014 · 314
Starry- too soon
Pea Aug 2014
A mantra song I do not remember the
meaning it holds- repeated over and over-
in a lotus; no, thighs too big they become
forest, as tonight's dream swings with time,

as your tomorrow becomes my relief, as the
red star winks at the hidden moon; shy
****** curtain, laundry's cheap perfume,
underlined flaws and jellyfishes on a tiny

plate, melting candle, lavender, sweet green
tea and salted butter. Nostrils reek of *****,
bathroom break, do not be late, please wake
up early, earlier than ever. When the east

comes, let's fall asleep with the lights on,
we are not even the moon; souls do not need
sun, or vegetables, or green things growing
happily like someone's five year old- not

my parents', never- they lost the four, the
most important before a five- an incomplete
puzzle, cut neck of a giraffe, eyes black like
coffee black holes, who does not want that?

Chemical terms keep saying hello to the
tiles, count me in, let's have a drink, glasses
of sparkling mineral water. I prefer it clear.
River; never does flow- becomes a yellow

lake. Pretty pretty sands, no one is unique,
a diamond and a thousand more- a pearl, a
wounded shell, mermaid's sadness and a
knife- bubbles covered ocean; sunsets and

fireworks, a birthday, reality and a nymph
with a wing; the bells are calling us as if we
are not yet that cow, grasses greener than
green, numbers of dead things are

increasing, as heartbeats keep piling up like
the books you bought but never read- they
cry at night, especially when it is moonless
and cloudless, like tonight from the

baseball field; where the moths talk about
jealousy and sleepy handsome bats at nine
p.m.- marching chests, a lonely festival, a
ghost house; where lives begin- End.
Aug 2014 · 750
Untitled
Pea Aug 2014
There is nothing more mother than my land;
Where I want to be buried alive--
Red brownish soil is the warmest arms for a hug,
a hug too long I decompose
in calmness too peaceful the angels fall asleep,
God forgets there is hell,
borders erased, all becomes infinitive one,
it's purely true peace.
Choir of devils, a pool of love songs,
honest teeth and bites, truthful,
wonderful as baby's skin and toes.
There is nothing sweeter than the bitter.
The tongue of the ocean to lick the wounds,
flowers too young to bloom,
here we are, too pure to have a spring,
seasons are just too fatty.
Poetry does not end too soon;
Even when goodbye is not said--
These words are in a hurry but they stuck, because
narrow mind is always messy,
and the mess is too scared to speak.
Aug 2014 · 468
air, blocked
Pea Aug 2014
Ring ring the cat rings-
Like spider on the bathroom wall
He rings two times a day
Like a rain, like a tan
Like hidden bikini bridge
Legs like mermaid's, hair silver, eyes like shells
Swinging mood, jazzy tummy and warm wounds
Sleepy cups of coffee, sad iced tea and lemons
Where the heart is; a home
My chest is a home, a home I cannot live in
Cold air at night; cloudy night, shy stars
Sneezing God bless you, nails grow long like face
Haunted light, lonely melodica misses wind
Laying on the road, broken traffic light
Ribs trapping
Butterflies crying
Withering cream hibiscus, they want red, red like tongue
Awkward knocks do not feel like home
I wish of more cliches than empty
I wish of more fire, I wish of more stars--
Oh was that really the same sky, the same moon and sun as before?
Aug 2014 · 475
sleepiness callings
Pea Aug 2014
Because my fingers are too
alien, just like how toenails on tulips
facing the clear, bright blue sky.

It is too easy to smile.

Because my fingers are now
a stranger's, just like the dead cells from my cheeks
I left on the road.

I only need more, more, more lamps and
clocks. Tick, tick. Tick.
I want to tick too.
Like a bomb.

Sometimes hair grows like sunflowers
just like how the brain
becomes soil.
You can find a worm or two,
thank them they make it fertile.

I am sleeping with my eyes open,
I'll let them dry. Let them dry
and make them your bookmark.

Just leave me
at your favorite part
so you can have a reason
to not come back.
Aug 2014 · 449
Breathless
Pea Aug 2014
The time is too
precious.
Just give it to any else-

this losing is not
on purpose.
Pea Aug 2014
i see you everywhere
borrowing the faces of strangers'
i see you in the trees, the birds,
in the eyes of children
and in the national flags
i hear your voice within the core
of our national anthem
i hear you in the birds' chirps
in their eggs crack open
and even when the wind doesn't blow
i can hear it singing your vocal fold
in the flowers that aren't yet fully bloomed
i see you, i hear you, i feel you
in everything that grows
in everything that is dying for new lives
in everything, alive or dead, good or bad
just like today, the bad sound system produces
the sweetest sound ever
because i can see you on the stage
i can see you everywhere
i do see you everywhere, and you are always
borrowing the faces of strangers'
Aug 2014 · 416
Victoria
Pea Aug 2014
For Sylvia Plath.*

The April gushes were all over my face
For a moment, to come back
Anytime they like;
Next month, or next blink

In my subtropical 1811
Seasons do not really matter
Though I have a calendar
Curled up in my insides

It has all the dates
Of the infamous April
Since decades ago
Your February 11

Is permanently a holy day ---
I am sorry I have never been
So religious before
But I believe in you

I believe in you like birds in their wings --
I keep my faith as wet
As the wet towels, until now still soaked
In tears for your dear head ---

O blonde thing!
When I first met you
I didn't understand
Why people built shrines and statues

Why people prayed to you
Why your name erased their fears
Why they cried when they heard your voice ---
O funny duchess!

When I first met you
I thought you had
Really hoped to be horizontal
I didn't know that you were, you are

The horizon ---
I went to the sea and all I could see was you
And I can't stop thinking that you are
The blood this heart is pumping --

O tiny mother!
My horizontal lady!
You died before I had time ---
How I wish I could kiss you

A Judas kiss!
O sweet Lazarus!
My lioness!
The gas has ran out

The ovens are turned off
You are no longer a kitchen girl
My minerals, motherly love!
You can lie back now ----
Some of the lines were taken from:

• Anne Sexton's poem "Sylvia's Death"
"O tiny mother!"
"O funny duchess!"
"O blonde thing!"

• Sylvia Plath's poem "Daddy"
"You died before I had time"
"You can lie back now"
Aug 2014 · 508
Christine
Pea Aug 2014
vi.

A cry for help
to the dead

They can't hear
so it's okay
Aug 2014 · 503
morning will come soon
Pea Aug 2014
Fill my heart
with white daisies
And I know
the sunlight
will heal me
Just like the pouring rain
who cried for
the tears I couldn't let out

I will grow jasmines
and white frangipanis
in front of my window
And I will talk to the ghosts
And they will tell me
what I see when I am
asleep ---

Fill my heart with white lilies
So in the nights when
I can't bear
moonlight
I know
what lets it is just my sun
And I will mend
And I know
morning will come
soon
Aug 2014 · 338
Feel
Pea Aug 2014
To the rain my heart falls
The clouds envelop
Tranquil breathless scene
Atmosphere diving
As darkness shines calmly
Shimmering reality ---

To the moon my eyes flee
Another escapist's window
Open wide as polluted sea

Rained eden, godless
Purified sins
O dear sarasvati --
All that flows
Music, river, soul --
To the depth my ears are released
Burst of peace
Haven's jingle

Sweet wrinkles
Traces of smile

Whispering sun
--- *Now,

feel.
Aug 2014 · 347
Untitled
Pea Aug 2014
The pink of the cotton
failed to hide
the tip of my baby breast

It would be a lie
if I repeat
what Sylvia said

I have never been so pure

O, the wall of my nostrils
reeks of *****
Face-washing
has never felt
so pure
The hot bath
***** no ice
Ouija board and
the lost breath
They all are
yours
To keep
my psyche
shut.

I have never been so pure.

Thirty and the
sun
are what I
secretly
desire. In
my dawn
I lose my mind.
In
my dawn
I come running
to the
runaway rain
but she
desires
another. The gulp of
her
revenge --- ice-cold
scorch
of the throat.
I sip you, my
love --
I sip you so
much I
be the clouds
where God
hides their
tip of
their baby
breast.

God has
never been so
pure.

We come running
to the
crack.
We come running
as
she keeps desiring
another.
My clear
mirror has
stopped
telling the
future I
did use to
know. O, cursed
bathroom
stall;
my mirror
falls
yet it won't
shatter.

I will never be so pure
Aug 2014 · 315
Song for Mama
Pea Aug 2014
Mama do not find us
Do we have to beg?
We won't be found
We won't come back

River often cries
For all the unheard lies
Before the trees realize
Lie is lie no matter what size

O our shoes speak nonsense
The twelve swans you buried then
Now have come back to life
But no Mama we won't

No Mama we won't be home
For so long, so long it has no end
Mama now you can be strong
We have to go on our own

Mama don't get us wrong
We have to go on our own
We won't come back
We won't be home

For so long, so long it doesn't end
Just don't forget we won't be home
Just don't regret you have that womb
Mama now you can be strong
Now you can be strong
Aug 2014 · 337
Little Eli Wonders
Pea Aug 2014
Fear, fear, what do you fear?
Come near, come near
Tell us what you do fear

Little Eli wonders
If he should fear
What the fear fears

But he does not know yet
What the fear fears
The fear has not appeared

Little Eli wonders
If the fear did not hear
The fear would not come near!

Fear, fear, what do you fear?
Please hear, please hear
Let yourself appear*

Little Eli wonders
What the fear fears
So it won't even hear
Don't ever grow up, sweetheart
Aug 2014 · 395
fragment
Pea Aug 2014
viii.

I first really learned that
Promises are meant to be broken
When I was fifteen.
Maybe that's too late.
Maybe that's too lame.
It was a doctor,
Or not anymore. I think he was one of
Those malpractioners,
I think he told us
He used this supernatural blah blah.
I don't know how
He did get to our house,
Sitting so comfortably
And drinking the offered tea.
Actually I don't remember what
He was drinking.
I just remember that he
Looked like typical
Male dentist here. With short hair
And white glasses and tight clothes.
Oh I think I just made it
Up. Memories are not
For the bad. Though
His eyes were not
Lovely at all. They were
Intimidating. They did not
Shine at all. Those eyes stared
At mine. I think his voice
Sounded like a drunk's. The
Question he asked, just answer
Honestly, don't be afraid, he said
He would not tell my dad.
Doubt was out. I could not
Lie. I learned that one later.
So soon, soon after.

I was fifteen. Not that young
To be able to sense
Danger. I am not
Exaggerating. My mind was
A treasure and still is.
Not that you'd be rich
With it. But I really don't have
Anything
Else.
I think the questions he asked
Were simple. But there was this
One **** he said
I did not need to worry about;
That I could trust him
That he would not tell
Anyone. You know,
Adults were not scary.
They are.

I know this might not
Be the question that
Makes you hesitate in
Front of the person you trust.
But my mind was a treasure
And still is. I don't
Have anything
Else.

"If you feel troubled, whom
Would you tell about that?"


The answer was actually
I would not tell at all. But
My treasure
Could not be discovered.
I could not lie but I had to.
I stayed silent
For a moment. He kept
Saying I could trust him.
So I did.
My brother, I answered.
That was the truest
I could say. And it was
True. I did tell
My brother this and that,
Though my treasure
Was always safely kept.
I think. I think then
They discovered that I had
That but apparently they were
Not interested in my
Treasure-play. I doubt
They even understand
At all.

He said to dad
That dad needed to
Deepen the parent-child bond.
He said to dad
That I should not
Trust my brother more.
He said to dad
That there must be
Something wrong
With me
And this family.
He said to dad
All the things
He'd said to me
He would not.

I don't understand
How my dad could still
Wish me to be a doctor
After that.
Pea Aug 2014
Your belt does not touch my skin
but it does wound my mind.
That sound and I look like still;
deep down I am shivering.
We live in a land of fear.
You are used to it
but I never would be.
I want to be free.
Starting from this home
I call as house.

What I thought was warmth
is actually heat. My iron soul
is melted. Let me be free.
For me hell is frosty.
I never said heaven is the
opposite.
I don't believe in life.
It's all just bad jokes,
if you are wondering why
I laugh so much
yet they look like forced.
Aug 2014 · 1.1k
Magic Mirror
Pea Aug 2014
How sweet of you that you
write my destiny
so I just have to
enjoy the ride
without having
to think of anything
else. I am so
grateful
for that. I do not
have to worry
at all. I just need
to be your
mirror. Your magic one.

How sweet of you that the
reflection you see
in me is all the things you
want to see. I am
your magic mirror.
Your glorious reflection.
I tell what you
want to hear. I be what you
want to see. I hold what
you failed to bear. The dreams
of your waste
d youth ----
Place the pride
on my shoulder.
I am an unbreakable soldier.
Place the armor
on my shell.
I am so small I cannot be empty.
Your care nourishes
me. You make
me believe that I am
loved. I survive, I
can face the world all
thanks to
the warmth you
give to my
iron soul.

I'd rather stay myself and be corroded than melt.

How sweet of you that you
forgive my harsh
words and my ill
gazes and all
those high pitched
voices. I know I
am forgiven for all days
you keep saying
that. How sweet of you
and your forgiving heart and
your genuine fatherly
love. How sweet of you that
you keep giving us
your already stolen
life. I stole it and you
are pleased. I am your magic
mirror. I be
the reflection you want
to see. I hold
the dreams you failed
to bear. Oh, you
write your
own destiny in me.
Unnecessary note: Some part of this might or might not have been exaggerated.
Aug 2014 · 343
10w
Pea Aug 2014
10w
I'd rather lose the battle than be fake like you.
Lol
Jul 2014 · 1.6k
Mama's Song
Pea Jul 2014
Lost Lost Children's song
Lost at 3:20
in the morning where clock ticks
struggling to blend
Slime-smoo-thie, slime-smoo-thie drink
Slime-smoo-thie, slime-smoo-thie drink
Oh
Sia has never been wrong
Bullets brain, bargained
Ballet shoes, never worn out
Stay as clear as tears
Stay as clear as tears
Just burn the witches
where clock ticks
struggling to fade
Oh not even could light a cigarette
Lost Lost Children's song
Lost at 3:20
Found it
Stuck in your baby pink lungs

No smoking, sweetheart
Smoking kills

Lost Lost Children
Do not grow up so fast
Just come back home to Mama
Heal your scratched knee,
never
Do not learn to bike anymore
Just stay home with Mama
Mama has a song too
Mama sings only for you
Just come back home to Mama

Downfall like baobab's
How dare you grow so fast
Downfall like baobab kid
I hope you find your sheep


Lost Lost Children's song
Lost at 3:20
Lost at wrong perception
Do not find Mama is fine
Alarm ringing
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