you walk in
and its like the sun shines brighter
my heart races too fast
but it beats into a knife
because the more you make me happy
the worse the pain when I remember
how far I'll always be from your touch
do you know how hard it is
to love you
to know it may never be the right time
that you love me
that I love you
and our only enemy is fear
of losing what we can't live without
so what can I do?
when I can't risk losing him
but I can't stand not having him

I need to be honest
All this pain
It's not their fault
Not anymore
Cause everyday
I choose
I Choose to torture myself

When I listen to love songs
The sweet ones
I let myself think about him
The one who was weak
The one who ran
When I needed him
The one I still love

I listen to broken heart songs
The angry ones
I let myself think about him  
The one who abused my naivity
The one who claimed to care
Yet not enough to save my life
Who I can't leave behind

I let myself do this
I dare to keep going
There's a new guy
I know one day it'll hurt
But I can only think
Now. it doesn't
I'm so stupid

You see me
I know you do
you act like you can see through me
Yet I know you can't
I wish I knew why you act like this
Will you ever tell me why
Is it my fault?
Do I make it hard?
Could I make it be simple?
I try to understand
but I just can't seem too
I want to be your friend
You want to be mine
Or atleast thats what you say
Yet you go mute
when I walk into a room
Like your words are too good for my ears
Yet I don't think that's it
It could be
But for a second
When I see your eyes
Fear flickers through
you may deny but I know what I see
and I see it only too often
I wonder who else notices
Who knows to look for it
Maybe just me
But trust me its there
Maybe its the same when you see me
Is it?
Do we fear each other?
Can anyone tell?
Will it always be secret?
It began wrong
But its not that way anymore
Atleast that's what you promised
So why can't they know
Or maybe its just easier to dissapear that way
Though if you just want to dissapear again
Just do it
You know waiting just hurts me
And I'm tired of hurting
So I hope you don't run
But I hope you will help me
to Understand
If your not ashamed of me
Why am I a secret?

I'm not blind
I see what your doing
I always have
Do you know how much it hurts me?
No... you wouldn't
It's not like you ask
Though to ask you'd have to care I'm hurt
How my heart tears up inside with every word
How it hurts so much inside
Sometimes I have to make it hurt outside
But you don't care
And that hurts most of all
So yes I know what your doing
Ur keeping me happy
But you'll disappear next year
How can I blame you
It's not your fault your leaving
That was always your escape right?
you thought I didn't see
you honestly thought I was still so naive
you thought if you could keep me under your thumb
your ***** little secrets would be kept
Because that's what you care about
But your thumb is crushing me
Soon what will be left of me
Nothing.
But I'm not something you care about
So I don't matter
Who would really care if you crushed me?
So does it hurt at all to know
I figured out your little plan
And I pretended not to hoping I was wrong
Hoping I could change your mind
I could be worth your care
But I know it'll never happen
But I'll be never know why
And that's what hurts the most
Knowing I can care about someone
Who is just using me
And I know it but I can't stop
I should tell your secret
I should make you suffer the consequences of your own actions
Finally show you how much wrong you do
Yet I look at you
And I just can't hurt you

This mask
At one time
Was my identity

It had friends
It had secrets
It had power

Some liked it
Some cared for it
But none loved it

Some wanted it
Some believed it
Few had seen past it

So this mask...
Could've been happy
Except masks don't feel

but I did
I felt fake
but I let the mask win

yet the mask
Was just a mask
So why did it have such power

I didn't like it
I wanted to be real
but I was so scared

what if it hurts
what if they reject me
what if i'm alone

so i live behind a mask
hating every moment
wishing to be saved

yet they couldn't save me
because they didn't know me
finally I realized

I was my own worst enemy
so I removed the mask
and for the first time

I lived

even if you don't care
even if you never did
just talk to me
no excuse
no new starts
no one last times
just let it end
let me go
like we should have a long time ago