nothing you do is right
not for me
maybe I'm picky
maybe I'm just not ready

it's too soon
and you will never understand
you will never know them
and everyone who did is leaving

I just can't handle it
you don't know me
you don't know what I've been through
why should I let you in

when I still cry at the names
and you don't know their names
too much new
and now you

I can't take it
I've lost too much
and I'm not ready for more people
who don't understand what I've been through

I was crying
when I called
you didn't ask
you knew what to do
wait until I'm too tired
to think straight
but you didn't ask
why I called you up
why I relapsed
because you didn't think
do you ever
you didn't care
If I was okay
as long as I still look good
except you know my secrets
you know there's more than a pretty face
you've known my pain, tears, depressions
my last resort
when I can't take the pain
but my blood stained sleeves
are my problem
right?
no complications
like caring

your job is to protect yourself
and you do it well
too well

I can act like I'm fine
it's so easy
throw around meaningless words
just say what they want to hear

than I see you
my heart tightens
I can't breathe
I want to run

you stand there
I can't even hold your gaze
so I look around you
anything to focus on

because if our eyes meet
you'll see through me
how your name is permanently stuck in my head
and I torture myself trying to get it out

my hands grasp air
as if searching
for something
anything to hold me up

I can't stop scanning your friends
their faces looking for a grin a snicker
did you tell them
did you sit around joking about me?

Do they all know?
have you convinced them I'm stalking you
told them my secrets
laugh at how I trusted you

I'm still smiling
my mask holds up
refusing to crack
though inside I'm crushed

I won't let you win
I'll always stand strong
even if its all a lie
I'll always smile

I can't let you win
you can't have that satisfaction
if I have hold on to it
into my coffin

As you look away
and I can breathe again
As you walk away
and I can move again

and once again
my world is mine

When I say "I'm fine"
When I'm crying
Am I lying?

What does fine mean?
Really and truly
What do you mean when you say it?

When I say it
I'm upset, depressed, and crying
I'm hurt, bruised, and bleeding

So maybe that's my fine
If you think it means something else
Is it my fault

If you have to ask
You know I'm not
But your happy to believe my lies

So walk away
Believing you helped
Because you don't want me on your conscious

Hope you can sleep at night
Believing you tried
Who's lying now?

People wish they could do this
Be invisible
But people don't understand
I'm not invisible
I'm see through

People ignore me
Insult me
Like I'm not even there
Am I?
Does it ever matter?

I'm not worth it
So hurt me
Stab me
Make me cry
Who cares?

I'm just background
Put here as filler
Not worth anything
Just here to stand by
Watch the masses

I have no magic power
I just don't matter

The tears poor down my cheeks
Like waterfalls from soft white cliffs
I start to wonder how It came to this
I was just trying to end the fighting

I started out just taking the blame
They knew it wasn't my fault
Because she was there to hold me back
Now I'm lost

My friends don't want to hurt me
But they can't seem to stop
Not understanding the pressure building up behind my eyes
With their words like daggers stabbing into my sides

I try so hard to just take the pain
As they stab me
I should just smile as the blood starts pouring out
I deserve it

I have to act like I'm okay
shes not here to stop me
and I just can't stop myself
I just want to help

Then their words sink in
They can't all be wrong
What if it is my fault?
What if everything is?

Then why fight it?
You know how it ends
Your always guilty
Just stop fighting it

Maybe I am just wrong
I must have some defect in my personality
Maybe its always been this way
I just had to lose her to see it

And now I know, I'm the defect
And  I'm breaking down
I try to run
But there's nowhere to go

I start to collapse
Tears streaming
Throat hurting
Voice cracking

My legs start to crumble
As I fall I know its my fault
It always is
I deserve it

I search through the tears
Rolling down my bruised cheeks
Blood stained knives sticking out of me
As I lay there in the darkness

All I can choke out
As the blood starts pooling
World turning black
"I'm sorry"

"Its not fair" I scream in vain
"Whoever said life was fair?" is always the reply
But this isn't just unfair its cruel
Doesn't anyone care?

Why'd they have to go like that
In the dark
Too young
And all alone

No one there
To see her last breathe
Hear his scream
Like a horrible dream

They were so young
They did nothing wrong
Yet they died all the same
Taken almost as fast as they came