I love you
right?
of course

you love me
you tell me all the time
how amazing I am

and I love you
with my whole heart
well... most of it

your everything a girl wants
my friends all say go for it
why don't I?

I love you
its obvious
isn't it?

sometimes...
very few
like never

I think maybe...
I'm your fairy tale
perfect ending that is always an option

you think I'm perfect
but what if I don't live up to the hype?
what if all we are is hype?

whats wrong with me?
your perfect right?
you think I'm amazing

yet when your biggest problems are so trivial
I wonder
maybe your too innocent

I've matured beyond my years
and maybe I'm just starting to see
past the disguise of perfection

Maybe you are pefect
but I'm starting to realize
I may not want perfection

I don't want to hurt you
but the lies are starting to hurt
my voice feeling faker with each I love you

I hope you understand
I think your a great dream
but I need reality

You lit a match
You let it burn
You watched

You saw me
You thought I'd run when I saw
But thats not who I am

For I know fires
They consume all
Just burning until theres nothing left

I saw it was wrong
Foolishly believing I could stop it
Instead I burned

I felt the pain
every flame burning my skin
ash filling my lungs

I'm not an idiot
I knew it was wrong
I tried to help

But you couldn't let me
You couldn't trust me
Not now I'd tell everyone

You knew you had hurt me
You thought I was petty like you
So you acted like you didn't see

You ignored me as I burned
In the fire you started
Than convinced yourself it was my fault

This must be my fault
For you lit the match
But I believed I could stop the fire

Than when the fire burned out
I did the impossible
I came back

I was covered in scars
That only you could see
You trued to looked away

I could still see the fear in your eyes
She'll tell everyone is all you could think
Though in reality

As you feared my every word
I did something you can't even understand
I forgave you

For I know for the rest of your life
You'll be starting fires
Until your fire has consumed everything

I just wish you had let me help
But how can you trust me
Because you can't trust yourself

all I hear ever
screaming louder and louder
so I scream back
they all turn on me
I feel cornered

I can't run
nowhere to go
I cling to my one space
but they take it away
consuming it in their fighting

I try to drown it out
but it never ends
someone is always mad at someone
they don't care if it hurts me
and they know it does

I try to ask for help
but they just keep screaming
I run and hide
but nowheres safe
it never stops the yelling and threats

my only escape
is the pain
the cold metal on my skin
as I press it in
the sting as I watch the blood pour out

people say life goes on
well they're right
but sometimes
you need to pause

when your not old enough to drive
yet life forces you to look into the casket
and let the last hope die

looking into her lifeless eyes
knowing she's not looking back
her flawless face that never needed make up
painted and covered

when you look at a corpse
and see your best friends face
and you see all the years she deserved
and all the years she'd never get

when you go to church every week
yet you can't stay away
because you know he's there in the garden

the beautiful old garden that use to be so pretty
now haunted by his remains

just dust
in a box
in a wall
in a garden
when he should be playing football
smiling like a fool
head over heels in love with your best friend

when you see two mothers

one who lost one of her four children
who is forced to explain to two young sons
how they're 15 year old sister died

one who lost her only son
who lost her everything
trying to find meaning in a dark cruel world

to have to live with yourself

knowing
you saw her that day
and didn't talk to her
thinking you'd see her Monday

no I couldn't have known
no I could't have done anything
but that doesn't make me feel better

life won't pause but people should
because if you don't
you'll regret it

Did you know?
Your the monster

In my closet
Under my bed

That I see in the corner of my eye
That makes me jump at shadows

You think I'm nervous
That I still like you

Your kidding yourself
Your a monster

You devour souls
You crush spirits

You hurt me in every way
Yet you won't go away

Why?
Is it fun?

To destroy people
To see them suffer

To watch the tears
As they spill out

And know its because of you
Is it fun?

You think your amazing
But to me

Your the ten tentacled sharp toothed monster
That haunted my dreams when I was little

Except your real
And I don't wake up from this nightmare

What if life had a clicker?

What if I could pause?
Before you made me cry
And I could run away
Would I ever push play?

What if I could rewind?
Go back and never say hi
Live my life without ever even meeting you
Without the pain, tears, and hatred

What if I could fast forward?
Past your mean looks, all your hatred, every lie
Would I still feel the sting of tears like acid in my eyes?
Would I still feel the coldness of your stare?

What if I could mute you?
Would you let me breathe again
Would I be able to tell you the truth you deny?
Could I make you listen?

All people are jerks
At one time or another

We hate
We fight
We hurt
We cry

We steal
We cheat
We lose
We lie

We regret
We wish
We whine
We break

We fall
We fear
We hide
We fake

and Why?
Why do we go through all this hurt and pain

build a trust
To just throw it away
day to day

What can we say?
Maybe because

We love
We smile
We hug
We live

We heal
We try
We help
We give

We jump
We run
We dance
We spin

We forgive
We remember
We learn
We win

We are amazing creatures
We go through so much pain
Than come out smiling
Isn't it insane?

We can love someone
Say its for all our lives

Than hate them
Than miss them
We can even hit them
Though its not always advised

We can fall
For a day or more
Feeling like you'll never see the floor

We can make our lives ****
We can make our lives great

We can choose to love
We can choose to hate

We can wait and wait
We can make our own Fate

Most of all
We have to remember
If you choose to smile
When everyone wants you to cry
you choose to make it through every horrible day
yay