I'm not invisible
I walk
I breathe
I talk

Yes i gave you up
But you didn't honestly think I'd disappear

I'm not some timid little girl

Talk down to me
I'll knock you down

Look down on me
I'll show you how amazing I look

Push me
I'll push back

Try to apologize
I'll ignore you

because I don't care
because I'm done letting you walk all over me

I've picked myself up
and I'm better without you

and if you make me
I'll prove it

because I still exist

I run
the wind hitting my face
the feel of the gravel under my feet
the thrill of the chase

but what is chasing me
friends who want my time
grades that never end
choices for a future years away

its closing in on me
if I stand still I'm trapped
so I run away
as far away as I can

until the world is a blur
and I fall into the black hole

I was hooked on you
Talked to you every day

I cared about you
But you didn't even know my name

I didn't care you were like a drug
You were my addiction

I convinced myself I needed you
Thinking about you everyday

I lied to my friends
Made fake promises to be done

I ignored my friends warnings against you
I claimed I was in control

I never was though

I would do anything to keep you
Keep you coming back

And then one day I realized
I don't need you

I don't need to watch my phone
Only to be upset the text isn't from you
Or when it is to rack my brain on the perfect reply
Just to have you say lol

I don't need to see you with her
How you would bring her flowers just cause
You said you loved her
Though if you did why did you need me?

I don't need to think of ways to see you throughout the day
Just in hopes you'll see me and say hi
Just once
You never did

So call this my rehab
I'm done with you

the cuts on my arms
no one asks
because no one sees
because no one wants to see

the bruises on my legs
no one askes
because no one sees
because no one wants to see

the red stains of fallen tears on my cheeks
no one asks
because no one sees
because no one wants to see

They want to see cat scratches
They want to believe I fell
They want my lies

They want to see a fake smile
They want to hear a fake truth
They want a fake girl

I see you as you walk the halls

If you only knew
How my heart skips seeing you
Would you care?

If you only knew
How my heart drops seeing her with you
Would you care?

How you hold her
How you love her
How I wish I was her

If you knew how I felt
When everyone talks about you two
How your the best couple

I laugh to myself
For I know the truth
No one would even guess I knew you

Yet I do so very well
So intimately
Such secrets have passed my lips only to your ears

Yet I missed my chance
Did I ever really have one?
Were you ever serious?
Did you just use me cause you could?

If you only knew how the questions ramble on
Each more torturous to think about
Why does he need me when he has her?
Does he need me?
Did he ever have feelings for me?

If you only knew
I love you
would you care?

When black starts looking grayer
When white is a blur
When all smiles feel forced
When pain makes me happy

This is when love kills
When hearts fall open

The merciful will just break them
The cruel will just play with them

The merciful will see your tears
They will walk away
They will let your hate burn the love away
They will let you move on
They will let you find the one who can heal your heart

The cruel will never see your tears
They will stay
They will stab at your heart and watch it bleed
They will trap you
They will set bombs to go off on your escape

I have fought love
I have lost
I have been punished

For the one who heals my heart
Is the cruelest

He heals
Unknowingly hurting the thing he saves
Unknowingly killing my soul

Def to my cries
Def to my screams
Def to my pleading

I've fallen for the cruelest of them
and I will never be free

I saw him take my heart and did nothing
He bled me dry and I stood by and watched

Now there is nothing I can do
But sit and hope

For there is no moving on
Not any more

When you give your heart to the cruel
All you can do is watch them abuse it

When love causes so much pain
You begin to hate love

When falling in love means falling and never hitting ground?
Constantly fearing the ground
Until the anticipation is worse than the ground could ever be

When I hate myself for loving one who just hurts me?
I can't stop loving him

I  can't have others
For once you've loved someone so purely
Only they can set you free

What is there to do?
but wait for death to take you?

I'm so broken
No one can help me

so I hide
in a cage of memories
there is no key
for I don't want to escape

if I stay, maybe...
I won't feel that pain again
I won't feel so alone
I won't feel so beyond repair
I can't... not again

so I stay trapped
seeing everything through memories

people see a building
I see the last place I saw her

people see a desk
I see the place we discussed boys

people see a girl died
they feel bad for a moment
I see my best friend died
I fall apart forever