I met her at the age of ten
I sat there and stared at her for a while
I was in fear, wondering who this unpleasant stranger was
Or how she got there

I was in absolute disperse
My tears then started rolling down the desert I call, my cheeks
Not knowing what to do I quickly rushed to my aunt
Informed her about the informal visitor we had

Since then I learned that I had to get used to her
I learned to understand her
But not one day has she ever made me feel
Good about myself

These days she visits with a warning
Before coming
When she pops up I abstain from white
On these beautiful legs
And she doesn't only leave a mark on my pants
But in my mind too
So I'll never forget the days she made me
Feel awful about myself

When she's here, she hurts me continuously
But on the inside where she hides all the time
She destroys my plans
And leaves me laying in a bathtub filled with red
Her favorite color

She has me confused of how I really feel
I get to fussy and restless when she's around
Around my waist is hee favorite place
Where she beats my walls down my thighs
And that's not alright

So this is me
At the age of sixteen
Still being bullied by the
Lady in red
She walks with so much pride
Yet fills me up with so much pain

Mosadi o tshwara thipa ka fa bogaleng
But what happens when you're the one holding the other end of the knife
Threatening to take my life
Lessening my chances of living beyond 20 years

I am from Botswana, the country where **** has become our culture
In my country 33 women are ***** a week
Over a population we all wish could increase
I thought monsters only existed in fairy tales we see on television
And not 5 houses away from mine
I am not comfortable in my own home
I am not comfortable in my own home
  I am not comfortable in my own home
Like any other female 17 year old

And this generation thinks its okay
This generation repeatedly thinks that this is the new normal
**** has become so common

Did you know that **** humiliates a woman
A society
A nation
And even the world
**** is a dish served cold
Aren't you tired of being told the same story over and over?
Doesn't this song get old?

My heart beats for those hearts that have stopped beating
It bleeds for those that have lost their blood to the hands of a man

You say stay home, stay safe
But i am a predator of a man who is here to deprive me of my pride

You can hear my cry
Yet you still decide to turn a blind eye

I gained a little weight
Started being neat
More straight and sophisticated
I grew hair  on my legs
I drew beautiful words across my chest
Started being open
The dark thoughts in my mind transformed to songs
And those were melodies I couldn't stop

I started wearing make up
More facebeats
I wore white regularly
I tried to change, tried to be straight and plain
I abstained from mirrors hoping to see my reflection in your eyes or maybe you'd best define me and judge me as my mirror

Did you know that I dreamt of being in your arms
And that I tried searching for you amongst the starts but I guess you're more than just one of the galaxies

I grew fiercely loyal
Started sitting like I was royal
Captivated by your love
You activated my heart and decided to run
And in that way I felt disregarded

I was oftenly disturbed by my curious thoughts
So I constantly traveled to a world I call my own

When I saw you with her
I closed my eyes and cleared my thoughts
I held my breathe and bit my tongue
I died
I ressurected, saw the devel himself
Came back
Caged myself into the world of the unknown far from anyone else

At that time my heart was shattered and crumbled into pieces
Not to mention my mind that was scattered and troubled
But I tried to change
Went out of my comfort zone to satisfy you
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But am i that girlfriend who feels intimidated by hoes

I clear my mind
I rewind
I see you and I
And redefine love

So I realized that its from your eyes I learned to love
And I am nothing but a victim of your love

My body is an art
Complements from you don't bother me
So these words hardly get to my heart
I'm not just a girl you met a few weeks ago
But I'm a queen of my own world

"You're beautiful" he says
You're so predictable
So typical
Apparently I'm supposed to believe everything you say
But I'm not gonna fall for it anyway

He held my waist and pulled me closer
He was plugged, I didn't know he was a stoner
Before I knew it he's hands were all over

I'm not just a girl you met a few weeks ago
But I'm a queen of my own world
I cannot allow you inside the castle
Not inside the lords temple
What would I resemble myself as

They will call me names
And start to saying things
But I'm a queen of my own world

I swear I swear, I cannot dare
To let you in
I have fears I cannot face
I have a voice I cannot raise
Because I'm just a queen of my own world

I'm not strong enough i know
But I'm strong enough to with hold the pian you brought
To my heart

All because you didn't listen when
I said my body is an art
I'm a girl
Of cause you'll think
I'm not smart
Because I'm a queen of my own world
Impearled by a thousand angels around me
A thousand worlds surround me
Crowds support me
They stand by me
Hand in hand
Because the understand

You took advantage of me
You broke my heart
And left it unband-aid
You dreamt of taking my virginity
My only little dignity left
Took my souls best
And left my heart to rest
You know I'm not just a girl you met a few weeks ago but
I'm a queen of my own world

I was sitting on the train the other day
Watching each of my issues pass by while I'm looking out the window
Soon enough I found my reflection
I saw a girl, I saw a pearl
I stares for too long and she was gone
She reappeared and I looked into her big narrow eyes
Found death in her eyes
Deprived of her happiness
And left in the dry desert of loneliness

Well this girl sat in the corners of my mind
With her fingers intertwined and silent
**** was cold but she looked vibrant

I quickly closed my eyes and cleared my thoughts
Hoping she'd have faded into the thin air again
I'm so stupid for thinking she'd walk away

She's the only person that stayed when everyone else turned their back on me
She loved me when no one else did
She consoled me
Took care of my heart when life was tumbing down on me
She put me at ease when my heart beat out of my chest
She calmed me down when I thought I was loosing my breath

She has been there every step of the way, everyday
Anyway I owe her an apology
For trying to push her away