Onalenna Nkoketsang

Onalenna Nkoketsang Jul 2019

I hope that someday I will stumble upon someone
Who will start a fire in me, than can never burn out

I hope he's eyes will save me from the illusions of this world
He won't tell me about
How my intuition is nothing
But my insecurities
I hope he's honest
Mostly to himself

I hope he'll be perfect
Perfectly carved and handmade by
The lord from above
I hope hell bring do much warmth in my heart
And nothing but simplicity

I hope he's dark skin, brown eyes
And has a great sense of humor
A pure heart to love himself and I
Lastly, I hope that he puts God first
Before anybody else

I really hope its him

Onalenna Nkoketsang Jul 2019

Let Me introduce myself to you

Welcome to my canvas
A place full of color and satisfaction
Filled with warmth and beautiful distractions
In every corner, there's laughter and smiles
Everything in there is carefully handwritten and drawn out of love

Welcome to my world
The only place I feel safe in
A place fully caged away from all harms
The venue with warm hugs and kisses
The area filled with tender love

Welcome to heart
The most messy room I've been in
The only room to have windows and shattered vessels
Where the walls are written of trust issues and insecurities

Welcome to my mind
The place filled with perplexity
A place of chaos
Filled with with nothing but
My troubled thoughts hopelessly floating on air
And these gravitational forces
That keep pulling my emotions to the ground

I wonder who will love me now

Onalenna Nkoketsang Jul 2019

I have such a dark mind

So I've been confined in this impounded world for some time
I didn't really wanna go back to reality
So I've fell in love with the way things are in this world
I've been in so much solitude lately
I'm starting to get worried about myself
I learnt that everything will always stay this way
Nothing has really changed

There's this girl sitting in the back of my mind
She's a very destructive person
Never wants me to be around a large crowd
She doesn't like my friends so she pushes them away

In my mind there's these painful words you've ever said to me
The walls written of how I'm such a disgrace
The floors polished with how much I mean nothing to you
And the windows broken by
How you always use everything I've ever told you
Against me, just to prove how much of a bigger person who you are

Enlighten me please

I have such a dark mind
My vessels only flow with sorrow
And my tears are made of my blood and my broken

Rest in peace
To me
Who died a very long time ago
And everyone forgot about her

Onalenna Nkoketsang May 2019

Only my heart knows

So I've been having these aches
Ones that hit on the heart
And off to the mind

I've been closed up in this room for a while now
I'm afraid of facing the world
Frightened of getting hurt
Because the last time I went out there
Things didn't go according to plan
So that's why I'm here again

There's this annoying, full of hope voice inside me
That keeps telling me I'm going to be okay
Well its too late
I've already been robbed of my happiness
My shine has been taken away
And now I'm alone in the dark
I'm stuck
In this four-cornerd room
Where me myself and I discuss our problems
And I hate it

I'm tired of being isolated so much
I just wanna be happy again
I wanna smile
And mean each and every word that flows from my lips

I'm tired of always feeling exasperated
Everything all complicated and aggravating
I just need a break from all of this
I'm tired of being drained by life's instabilities
Insecurities always taking over my mind

Onalenna Nkoketsang Feb 2019

Iam Anti Social

I woke up this morning, not ready
My room all messy just like my heart
And I'm always being labelled as "lazy" for not cleaning it

I'm that type of girl that would stay indoors
While my peers are out shopping
I love cooking but the kitchen never loved me
I lock myself in my room and chain my ears down with music
Because its my only venue of escape

I write it to heal my pain
To express my sorrow
Distress and unstrain

I jogg to run away from my problems
And at times I bottle my feelings
I burst in tears
Not because I'm weak
But because
I don't wanna have anyone's neck stuck between my palms

Lastly I don't believe in pure love
Because if then it was true
The world would be a better place to be

Onalenna Nkoketsang Feb 2019

Overcoming my overawe

I gained a little weight
Started being neat
More straight and sophisticated
I grew hair on my legs
I drew beautiful words across my chest
Started being open
The dark thoughts in my mind transformed to songs
And those were melodies I couldn't stop

I started wearing make up
More facebeats
I wore white regularly
I tried to change, tried to be straight and plain
I abstained from mirrors hoping to see my reflection in your eyes or maybe you'd best define me and judge me as my mirror

Did you know that I dreamt of being in your arms
And that I tried searching for you amongst the starts but I guess you're more than just one of the galaxies

I grew fiercely loyal
Started sitting like I was royal
Captivated by your love
You activated my heart and decided to run
And in that way I felt disregarded

I was oftenly disturbed by my curious thoughts
So I constantly traveled to a world I call my own

When I saw you with her
I closed my eyes and cleared my thoughts
I held my breathe and bit my tongue
I died
I ressurected, saw the devel himself
Came back
Caged myself into the world of the unknown far from anyone else

At that time my heart was shattered and crumbled into pieces
Not to mention my mind that was scattered and troubled
But I tried to change
Went out of my comfort zone to satisfy you
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But am i that girlfriend who feels intimidated by hoes

I clear my mind
I rewind
I see you and I
And redefine love

So I realized that its from your eyes I learned to love
And I am nothing but a victim of your love

Onalenna Nkoketsang Feb 2019

Victimized by anxiety

My knees go weak and my fingers start crouching
Its only the first week, the first breeze and I can already feel the butterflies in my stomach screeching
I twitch, I twitch, I twitch
I Stutter and fail to speak while my eyes gain the grip of my stare
There's nobody to turn to because I'm alone in this dark room
But I feel crowded
I hear many voices in my head like an angry mob
My heart starts to throb
And my eyes cease to form some watery substance in them
I begin to feel as if my heart has been detached from my body
And my heart is not a match for this body
So my mind starts to play games with me
Telling me all the negative things one wouldn't dream of hearing
I over think each and everything that crosses my mind
I bottle my pain inside
So undefined
Indecisive
At times I feel abandoned and not worth it
Discouraged and disfigured
Different from you, you, you and you
Don't understand that I'm slowly sinking
Drowning in my own thoughts
I cannot shut the emotion down
So I shut the door behind me because I fear that my insecurities will try and crawl up to my mind too
Even though it's killing me inside, I try my best not to cry
Simply because I am a victim of hypervigilance

— The End —