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1.2k · May 19
30
OnLithium May 19
30
you can be the Hero
or the Villain
it just depends
on what part of yourself
you ****.
845 · Jun 3
Incapable
OnLithium Jun 3
Its always
The simplest
Of things
That can't
Be done
Even just
A quick
I'm sorry
518 · May 15
24
OnLithium May 15
24
To Whom It Concerns,

When you find this soul
Please know it has been through a lot
I trust you'll take care of it
It's been breathing through a tube
It has seen valleys of no measure
Peaks with expert definition
Has spilt more in sweat and blood
Than was ever spent on it
So when you find this soul
Cradle it and treat it like it's new
It won't survive another beating

Cordially,
Yours
420 · Jun 16
79
OnLithium Jun 16
79
I feel no high
And feel no low
You'd think that I
Would be in control

The days still fly
The nights still go
You'd think that I
Wouldn't want it so
397 · Jun 13
73
OnLithium Jun 13
73
I'll learn to breathe
But only as soon
As your back is to me
355 · Apr 30
IN TOO DEEP
OnLithium Apr 30
This existence is either
Breathing at the bottom
Or drowning at the top
This pool is a deception
Its depth a conception
Beyond my understanding
Yet it remains demanding
I give it all of me
Yet it remains empty.
324 · Jul 3
Đ
OnLithium Jul 3
Đ
You can consider me
Your favorite
Disciple
I would follow you
Until my
Death

With that said
Take my hand and I will
Dedicate
Myself to you
And even when I turn to
Dust
You will find me
Waiting
323 · Jun 23
94
OnLithium Jun 23
94
Afraid of
Losing what
I don't
Have

Afraid of
Choosing what
I haven't
Before
318 · Jun 10
60
OnLithium Jun 10
60
Saw an old friend today
He looks so
Happy.

An old friend saw me today
I looked so
Different.
308 · May 9
18
OnLithium May 9
18
sometimes
the dark is too loud
the light too quiet
im used to the storm
and not sunshine
297 · Jul 2022
LAMICEDAXEH
OnLithium Jul 2022
436967617265747465206275726e730a43617573652049206b65657020736d6f6­b696e67207468656d0a446f696e6720313430206576656e2074686f7567682049­206c6f766520796f750a49276d2073636172656420746f206c657420796f75206­96e0a4275742049276d206e6f742073636172656420746f206469650a416e6420­4920636f756c646e27742074656c6c20796f750a4f6e20776865726520746f206­26567696e206f72207768790a4920686176652061206c6f74204920636f756c64­207361790a4275742049277665207361696420656e6f7567680a416e642069662­049207772697465206d6f72650a49276c6c2067657420696e206d79206f776e20­776179
261 · Jun 6
50
OnLithium Jun 6
50
The dame
Who is't controls
Mine own luck
Hasn't been v'ry
F'rgiving

Nothing is moving
Mine own way
Shall the tide
Ev'r turneth
Doubtful
252 · Oct 2024
Cuddles
OnLithium Oct 2024
I misseth mine own loveth. I wisheth f'r h'r to beest in mine own arms. To has't the warmth of h'r corpse. H'r soft toucheth and coequal softer gazeth.
247 · May 17
28
OnLithium May 17
28
It's the way you speak
About having your heart broke
That breaks mine
Knowing I can't help
And I just have to wait
Till you realize
I'm the one
That will treat you right
245 · Sep 2022
Konstante
OnLithium Sep 2022
Hurt
Heartfelt sorrow
Burnt
Nothing I won't feel
Tomorrow
Thinking only makes it
Worse
I'm haunted and I guess it's a
Curse
239 · Apr 11
?
OnLithium Apr 11
?
You tell me to go
Say we weren't nothing
I should see what else is out there
Decisions based off imbalance
Yet I can't find the door
Pray that you'll love me some more.
238 · Jul 2022
§ÄÎŇŢHØØĐ
OnLithium Jul 2022
I'm no saint
I cannot capture it
Like a photo
I cannot describe it
Like a novel
I cannot draw it
Because I cannot paint
234 · Mar 2023
Quaestio
OnLithium Mar 2023
Knowing it hurts but staying close to the flame
My eyes continue to bleed
Little red teardrops
Hurting myself the same way
I put on disguises
Just to watch myself suffer
The mirror is just the devil
And I don't know where I am right now
I never change myself
Maybe I'm the problem.
231 · Apr 28
*
OnLithium Apr 28
*
Being open
Has only brought judgement
Has only brought pity
Has only brought misunderstanding

Being closed
Has only brought silence
Has only brought loathing
Has only brought cynicism

Oh what to do...
219 · Apr 5
Shh
OnLithium Apr 5
Shh
Haven't been myself for a while now
In my head
Can't complain cause I've been here

Haven't been yourself for a while now
In your head
Still complain cause you don't hear
216 · Jun 17
80
OnLithium Jun 17
80
To me
You were an ideation
A daydream
Then you became reality
A blissful presence
Then you became a story
One I hate to tell
And now
You pride yourself
On thinking you're even a memory
212 · Sep 2022
§ŮĪÇĪĐÊ
OnLithium Sep 2022
Why would I lie
I feel nothing
No reason to try
And I'm sorry
I just want to die
What led to this
And who knows why

Oh maybe it's the childhood abuse
The heartbreak
The drug addictions
The ****** the coke the oxy
The **** and the trauma
The attempts on my life
The PTSD
Anxiety
Depression
I was just a kid
And I still raised myself
More than my parents ever did
So many different gods
And I'm still going to hell
Maybe I was once an angel
But **** look how far I fell
211 · Jul 8
Filth
OnLithium Jul 8
This feeling
In the gut
The butterflies
Turn to termites
What made you
Stir inside
Is now eating
You alive
And now you are left
Rotting
208 · Jul 2022
Hide n Seek
OnLithium Jul 2022
I shed the stress of my day
Off at the door
I shed my tears in private
So you don't see
I don't hide my emotions
Just for the sake of it
I don't tell you what is eating away
At my mind and heart
You try to see through the curtains
I don't like Hide and Seek
But if I even gave you a peek
I cannot let you see me when
What I see as me being weak
All these little things
I hope you never see
So you and I can focus
On just being we
206 · Jul 2022
Prose and Cons
OnLithium Jul 2022
I want to put my words into a song
But I cannot sing
These are the times
Where you can truly see
My prose and cons.
205 · Sep 2022
Fatigue
OnLithium Sep 2022
I'm working two jobs
Just to get by
Time seems to be flying
And I know why
My money goes away, so does my day
It's empty, and I mean my pockets
Have a short fuse, don't set me off
I'm like a ******* nuclear rocket
Can't seem to escape
This ****** head space
So for now I'll just keep rockin'
203 · Sep 2022
Regale
OnLithium Sep 2022
Let me tell you a story
Spin you a tale
It's just you and me
And my cigarette

That I wouldn't make it out alive
Make it to twenty five
Cause all I think about is hitting death row
Killing somebody with a knife
Or put that gun to my head and let it blow
Brain matter on the wall
Splatter and that's all
I have homicidal thoughts
Just dispatch somebody so quick
Who knew death could be bought
Let em ******* pain, just a lick
I guess I'm messed up
I guess I'm sick
I don't know what cause this
I don't know why this is in my head
And all the tears I shed
All I want in my face is lead
Elevating, delegating, and debating
Out of myself, leaving instructions, and deciding if I want to do this
But there wasn't any doubt
Cause all I want from this life is out
And yet I'm still here
But I still killed myself last year
190 · Jul 2022
Teddy
OnLithium Jul 2022
Holding my little boy
I want to be everything
I want to be anything
He will ever need
He will ever want
I want to break the cycle
That I grew to know
That I knew was okay
I know better now
That what my parents were
Was not what my boy will get
I will not forget
And I do not regret
The ways I was raised
I will be better
And I stuck it in this poem
That is more of a letter.
For my son, Theodore
186 · Mar 2023
W.O.A.H
OnLithium Mar 2023
Who knew I could do this
Watching myself bleed
Waiting for it to stop
Obsessed with the pain
Occurring often my acts of violence
Ostracized from reality
Assumed to be worthless
Actually just wordless
Afraid to describe just what I feel
Hating the situation
Hesitating to change it
Holding the razor blade still.
186 · May 6
The Last Time
OnLithium May 6
This pen has bled as much as I
We both continue to pour out
Everything we've got

This paper has soaked as much as I
We both continue to take on
As much as we can

Till we are empty
Till we rip apart
Till it's the last time
184 · May 23
Aerial Salvo
OnLithium May 23
The rain
Knocks on my window
Begging me to come on out
The clouds
Hang over my soul
Saying that I'm sheltered

I've become used to
Just enjoying the precipitation
While the storm around me
Does what its always done
183 · May 26
37
OnLithium May 26
37
I am the illusion
Of the man you want me to be
And the delusion
Of the man that I see
Not sure of who I am
But I know I am not for you
161 · Jun 21
89
OnLithium Jun 21
89
Feel like
I woke up
To a brand new car
Only to find out
I'm going to be
Chained to it
And dragged along
156 · Oct 2024
Neutralization
OnLithium Oct 2024
I feel like my hands aren't my own
My body is no longer my own
My steps are hollow
My movements too animated
I feel the tide turning in my head
The waves are breaking
And only causing chaos
Lawlessness and disarray
Anarchy and pandemonium
.....

It's calculated
I am realizing all too late I'm losing
Something is changing
A modification
A shift
A revision
I feel I'm operated by somebody else
Not me but a variant
A voice akin to my own
A parallel that has made it clear
It will either win or it will destroy me.

.....

No more black and white
No more good and bad
No more hero and villain.

.....

All alone, not really.

.....

May you remember me
For who I once was

.....

This disease
No
This sickness
No
This ailment
No
This disorder
No.

.....

I now have a liberator
Guardian
Rescuer
Preserver
Salvager even.

.....

He has been saved
What you call *******
Oppression or tyranny
Jurisdiction or dominion
Is deliverance
Emancipation or independence.

.....

I woke up today
My hands felt like my own
My steps were substantial
My movements absolute and genuine
My ocean tranquil and mute
And for now, I recite a cantilcle
Of bliss and appreciation
To no god in particular.
Thoughts after weeks of struggling with worsening Bi-Polar Disorder.
151 · Jun 3
Task Failed
OnLithium Jun 3
You always said that you
Wanted to lift me up
I always said that I
Would never let you down

Look at where we are now
148 · Sep 2024
NNYL
OnLithium Sep 2024
I've won but at what cost
I've healed but who is lost
I stand strong on this mountain
Only to realize it is one made of bones

I've fought so hard
Cried and bled
One blink
And it all comes back
Blood in the sink
Little fractures and massive cracks

Then I look in your eyes
My little goddess
My parallel and gravity
And I realize that although
The bones are of friend and foe
I can't change any of it
Wouldn't change any of it

For now I will continue
Because of you and for you.
147 · Jun 30
Peace
OnLithium Jun 30
You laying
In the cabin's window seat
Reading one of my
Favorite books
The sun
Reflecting off your hair
We are existing
Together
At peace with life
Concerned with nothing
And for right now
As much as I
Want to continue to describe this
I want more to get lost
In this moment
Forever.
146 · May 2
03
OnLithium May 2
03
The cliché
I pull you in
You pull away

Gravity can't exist
Cause I'm watching
You just float away
142 · Jun 23
90
OnLithium Jun 23
90
Been so caught up
Trying to be more
Than my past
Haven't even given hope
Or leaving chances
For my future
140 · May 21
32
OnLithium May 21
32
I love to read
Yet I consider myself
Illiterate
When I try to read
The emotions in your
Face
139 · Apr 24
+/-
OnLithium Apr 24
+/-
I want to swallow pills
Put me to sleep yet
I can't even swallow the guilt

I want to hang from some rope
Couldn't tie the knot
Just to keep you close

I want to inhale car exhaust
I'm still choking on you
And your perfumes

I want to jump off a bridge
Just fall so slowly
But I fell so long ago
135 · Jun 3
45
OnLithium Jun 3
45
If I had less time
Could you or would you
Love me for the rest of it

If I met you in the afterlife
Could you or would you
Even try to find me

And deep down I know
You could but wouldn't
But I have to ask what if
134 · Jun 6
49
OnLithium Jun 6
49
I used to think that I
Had it all
Now I think that I
Threw it away

I look at what I had
It was so close to perfection
Now I look around
There's so much missing
134 · Dec 2018
Ensared
OnLithium Dec 2018
Heartbreak
Fueling my hands
With the richest
Form of
Getting lost
I am nothing
But the words
That I write
And now
Reality has
Blended
My life
Into dreams
Altering them
Into nightmares
I am drowning
In drink
Silence
And subtleties
The unsaid
Can’t cry
Empty eyes
And
Photographed smiles.
129 · Jun 29
Last Laugh
OnLithium Jun 29
I love everything
About not having social media
I worry less
Don't waste my time
Yet
The biggest drawback
Is I can't rub in your face
How happy I am
With someone else
129 · Jun 7
fidus Achates
OnLithium Jun 7
Daydreaming
About saying hello again
And never saying goodbye

Daydreaming
About seeing you smile
And it never fading away

Daydreaming
About playing in the stars
And never coming back down
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