Gave my breath
To what I had left
In the dark with a cigarette
An empty bed
And just one barrette
I hope you get some rest
Gave you my best
I know I won't forget
Our melancholic duet

I want to change
I swear I do
But it can't
Be a condition
Set on a timeline
Cause I thought
You fell in love with me
For who I am
Not knowing who I'd become

I wear goofy
Cause sad isn't in style
And I may not be a comedian
But I'm worth your while
I have memorized
Too many dad jokes
To not make you smile
And when the fun is over
I'll go back to the gloom
Till I can be the idiot
Who lights up a room

One of nine Muses
"Beautiful voice"
The patron
Of poetry
And heroic song
Homer's inspiration
Never forget who you are

I keep trying
To convince myself
That I don't care
Then I catch myself
Thinking about
The fact that you
Are not holding my hand
Not laughing at my jokes
Not enjoying my flowers
So I'll keep trying
To convince myself
That I don't care

"I'm trying to be like you."
I didn't know
How to respond
So the first thing
That flew out of
My stupid mouth was
"You've got a long way to fall."

Saw an old friend today
He looks so
Happy.

An old friend saw me today
I looked so
Different.

Sitting in the corners
Of restaurants
Looking over my back
In grocery stores
Leaving my door cracked
In my bedroom
Expecting you to appear
And wound me again

I rarely say
"I'm a poet"
When in all reality
I'm a mere collection
Of words
That I pray
Reaches someone

I doth not knoweth
What m're I couldst sayeth
To changeth our loveth
Thy tears
Mine own blood
We has't both poured
M're than enow
To filleth cups ov'r
Thy eyes
Mine own lips
Has't spoken enow
To filleth books ov'r

Trying to figure out
Who I am
Is like
Trying to combine
Bits and pieces
Of shredded papers
Sound bites that
Don't go together
Videos that
Don't look like me
Or at least
Who I thought I was?

When the tide
Brings my body
To shore
I'm terrified
You
Won't
Be
There

I can't continue
Like this
Relying on
Liquor
And Benadryl
To help me
Sleep
Begging for
Some sort of
Peace

I sit here
Chewing holes in my mouth
Worrying
That someday soon
I'll be begging for the
Mercy
I never gave to myself

I get asked questions
That I
Have already tortured myself with
For years
I get defensive
While being offered guidance
I get fueled by false hope
That someday
I'll have the wherewithal
To wake up
Look myself in the mirror
And be okay with what I see
But for now
Therapy blows chunks.

I let you
Consume my mind
Influence my habits
Control who I am
Only to wake up
From another binge
And realize
You. Aren't. Here.

For somebody who thinks
I shouldn't be here
Its awkward to say
I believe you do
Guess I have to start
Listening to my own mouth

Daydreaming
About saying hello again
And never saying goodbye

Daydreaming
About seeing you smile
And it never fading away

Daydreaming
About playing in the stars
And never coming back down

I remember
My first attempt
And the second
And even the third
A different method
Each and every time

Been bailed out by fate
And still
Haven't made anything
Of myself

The dame
Who is't controls
Mine own luck
Hasn't been v'ry
F'rgiving

Nothing is moving
Mine own way
Shall the tide
Ev'r turneth
Doubtful

I don't know
What to say
The words
Caught in
My throat
Tears trapped
In your eyes
You need to
Hear me
Say it
Yet I can't
Suffocating
On syllables

I used to think that I
Had it all
Now I think that I
Threw it away

I look at what I had
It was so close to perfection
Now I look around
There's so much missing

Here's a toast
To the nights
That ruined me
To the people
Who left my world
To the days
When I wasn't broken

Here's a toast
To all of those
And my ghost

My book is written
Sentences of hopefullness
Paragraphs of melancholia
A rephrensible villian
An unpleasant hero
The protagonist
The antagonist
Are the same being
And I'm sure
The reader wants
A victor

Sometimes I
Wonder if
Nothing that
Has happened
To me
Did happen
Would I
Be different
Maybe better
Offered salvation
Everything that
I'm not
Guess I
Won't know

When we first met
Two people who had no idea
What we were looking for
Expected nothing
And asked for less
I guess that's close to what we got

Its always
The simplest
Of things
That can't
Be done
Even just
A quick
I'm sorry

You always said that you
Wanted to lift me up
I always said that I
Would never let you down

Look at where we are now

My eyes are heavy
Yet sleep evades me
I could beg
But I know better
Just have to wait
And wait
Till the crash

A caterpillar
Is at its most
Dysfunctional
Right before
It becomes a
Butterfly

To love can be fatal
To be loved can be frightening
To find both in a lifetime
Is to be struck by lightning

after this is all gone
the slate wiped clean
i know im imperfect
and that means
hell would be high praise
for me

I let your eyes beg me to stay
You let me drift back into your arms
Only to push me away
Not too long after

Decadent smiles
And even richer lies
False hopes
And even more misled dreams

Love at first sight
That needed a second glance

I hate the way my hands shake
The tremors rule
When anxiety doesn't
I hate the way my brain works
The emotions rule
When ideations don't

if only the days events
were as welcoming
as my blankets
and if only my motivations
were motivating enough
to make me climb out of bed

Everything hurt more than the last
You saying you were done
Or sick of me
Or you hated my guts
Or you saying I'd never be enough
Or the door slamming
Or the fact I'd never prove you wrong

Does a heartbreak
Still sound like glass shattering
Does a broken heart
Still keep ticking
If nobody else is here but me?

To understand fate:
That what will be, was.
What has been, is.
And what you make of it, will.

The rain
Knocks on my window
Begging me to come on out
The clouds
Hang over my soul
Saying that I'm sheltered

I've become used to
Just enjoying the precipitation
While the storm around me
Does what its always done

I love to read
Yet I consider myself
Illiterate
When I try to read
The emotions in your
Face