My eyelids are so heavy
I know I should just sleep
But with these ideation I have
I worry I won't wake
Guess a majority of me
Would be okay with that
Maybe thats the best way out
To just quietly drift into the deep

Let me sleep in peace for once
Let me not feel this way ever again
Let me have the strength to carry on
Let me find my way in this world
Let me see who I really am

I keep asking for these things
And no god answers my calls
But I can't blame any of them though
I don't even answer my own soul

It's the way you speak
About having your heart broke
That breaks mine
Knowing I can't help
And I just have to wait
Till you realize
I'm the one
That will treat you right

I know you're mad at me
And I've been up all night
Thinking about how to
Try and make this right
Then it hits
I didn't do this
You did and somehow
I keep getting convinced
I am the one that has to
Provide the fix

I got my teeth smashed
On a pedestal I never stood on
Choked out by a ribbon
I could have never ******* won

I'm in a new era
Sick and tired of being sick and tired
Barely breathing and scraping
I'm meaner than ever and inspired

Everyone talks about
The thorns on roses
The bottoms of bottles
The wars of attrition
The sinks coated in blood
The tide that always turns
The pills on the floor.

No one talks about
The flower on top
The cork of a new one
The victories of wars
The mirrors holding pretty smiles
The ocean that is stunning and still
The tablets that aid in stability.

I used to always wonder why
I guess I still do but
I'm scared that it's because
The dark is more victorious.

To Whom It Concerns,

When you find this soul
Please know it has been through a lot
I trust you'll take care of it
It's been breathing through a tube
It has seen valleys of no measure
Peaks with expert definition
Has spilt more in sweat and blood
Than was ever spent on it
So when you find this soul
Cradle it and treat it like it's new
It won't survive another beating

Cordially,
Yours

I can't get away from you
You break rules and still
I keep letting you play
I try to shut you out
You beg and apologize
I keep on circling
And I have yet to realize
You're the drain

I may be a hopeless romantic
But you know that better than I do
You make me a cliché
And you do it just so easily
I don't know if I'm doing this right
But you know I simply cannot hide

Give me your praise
                                 I'll give you my days
Give me your demands
                               I'll give you my hands
Give me your sickness
                            I'll give you forgiveness
Give me your best
                           I'll give you nothing less
Give me your everything
                                I'll give you anything

I hate the calm
And yet exude it
Appearing aloof
And yet pulling my hair out
When things appear fine
And I know they aren't
I suppose it's because
"In a quiet pool, the devil dwells."

How didst I turneth
To this monstrosity
I am ev'rything
Yond makes me sick
I won't receiveth holp
So it shall beest up to me
To just p'rfect
This disease

A drunk without a drink
A river with no beginning
A street with no cars or pedestrians
A bar with no patrons
A mountain with no peak
A bustling city with no noise
A fiend without a drug
A valley with no bottom
A beggar with no cardboard sign

I am a -

Pulling strings better than a puppeteer
Baby you know there's no way
Not any way out of here

You have me caught in this twilight
And you know there's no way
Not any way I can continue to fight

**** getting anything off my chest
This pressure to be anything
Is enough compression
**** trying to be like the rest
This normalization
Is enough suppression

I'll never be everything you expect
I'll always be anxious
I'll always have bouts of depression
I'll always feel that I'm not enough
I'll always want to give up
I'll always want the easy way out
I'll never get this off my chest

This pen has bled as much as I
We both continue to pour out
Everything we've got

This paper has soaked as much as I
We both continue to take on
As much as we can

Till we are empty
Till we rip apart
Till it's the last time

I want to undo everything I've done
The triumphs and love
The sins and the downfalls
I want to have never been
I want to never be
You can't be forgotten easily
At least not from others memories
But with these suicidal thoughts
I know I want to be forgotten quicker

If you say
You mean it
Then I'll say
I understand

If I say
It was my fault
Then you just
Let go of my hand

I wisheth to perish
To spareth mine own legacy
I wisheth to beest f'rgotten
F'r who is't I once wast
And not beest remembered f'r
The ghastly thing I've becometh

Escape comes at a cost
But I've been so ******* lost
I forgot what I'm running from
And now I'm

I want to be here
For everyone I love
But I can't do this
And now I'm

Holding

A bottle of pills
A gun
A steering wheel
A thick piece of rope
A straight razor
A whole bunch of bad decisions

I hate when you judge me
You were once in this hell
When the water was muddy
And it seems you've forgotten.

We swam in the clouds
You were once in this heaven
When you were so proud
And it seems you've forgotten.

Now you've forgotten
Now I'm so toxic
Now nobody wants me
Now I'm ******* rotten.

Up and down
Thrown around
Left and right
No sleep tonight

Side to side
I have to turn this tide
There and back
Its the strength I lack

Don't say this is the last time

Don't let me become just a thread
In your ****** up tapestry

Don't send me into the wind
To become the ash of an old flame

Don't make this the last time

I don't know where
We were led astray
Been told to look up
But all I see is devils above
And angels below
All the right intentions have paved
The way to hell
Lies and misdirections have guided
The way to heaven

I used to think
The world outside my mind
Loved me more
Now I think
The world inside my mind
Just hates me more.