OnLithium: Poems

Jun 13 · 87

77

OnLithium Jun 13

77

Get through the day
Fall into intangability
Cry tears no one cares about
Wonder where it all fell apart
Pop pills till the stars come down

My eyes open
And the day starts again
****.

Jun 13 · 72

76

OnLithium Jun 13

76

I hear the axe
Hitting what is me
I can't move
Or scream
I can only watch
As you
Chop chop chop
Till I fall down
And then suddenly
I'm below you

Jun 13 · 68

75

OnLithium Jun 13

75

I just want to bargain
                                       with the devil
To make everything
                                    better forever
But even he won't
                                answer my pleas
****** even before
                                     hell can greet me

Jun 13 · 83

74

OnLithium Jun 13

74

The hands
That controlled
The needle
Are the same hands
That control
The knife
Not so long ago
Our hands were stitched
Together
And now?

Jun 13 · 417

73

OnLithium Jun 13

73

I'll learn to breathe
But only as soon
As your back is to me

Jun 12 · 70

72

OnLithium Jun 12

72

Show me how
To love myself
And I'll make
The world yours

Show me you
Actually want me
And I'll give
Myself to you

Jun 12 · 85

71

OnLithium Jun 12

71

I have no hate
In my heart
I just sometimes
Hope your tongue
Tastes like a lemon
And your garage door
Won't close

Jun 12 · 94

70

OnLithium Jun 12

70

This feeling
Like I'm defective
That you wanted me
When I was of use
And now
That I'm showing
Signs of wear
I'm placed back in my box
Taken back to the store
Just to repeat
This hopeless cycle

Jun 12 · 83

69

OnLithium Jun 12

69

I conquered my demons
For you
I built everything
For you
I tried anything
For you
I pleaded and begged
For you

Now you're doing the same
But not for me

Jun 12 · 78

68

OnLithium Jun 12

68

Take the breath
Out of my lungs
The fear
Out of my heart
The worry
Out of my mind
The anxiety
Out of my nerves

Jun 12 · 116

67

OnLithium Jun 12

67

I wanted to be
Somebody else's
Before
I wanted to be
Yours

So don't let me
Slip through your grasp

Jun 12 · 115

GB

OnLithium Jun 12

GB

Its the way
You praise me
Call me yours
Break me down
In the best way
You make me weak
And feel strong
So throw me
And hold me
Call me
Well you know

Jun 11 · 80

The Peanut Gallery

OnLithium Jun 11

The Peanut Gallery

I write sometimes
And feel like
My own audience
I read
And re-read
Until I finish
Then I look at my words
And sometimes
I throw roses
And sometimes
I throw tomatoes

Jun 11 · 92

66

OnLithium Jun 11

66

To be as capricious as I
And not drive people away
Is a delicate act.

Jun 11 · 66

65

OnLithium Jun 11

65

Gave my breath
To what I had left
In the dark with a cigarette
An empty bed
And just one barrette
I hope you get some rest
Gave you my best
I know I won't forget
Our melancholic duet

Jun 11 · 74

64

OnLithium Jun 11

64

I want to change
I swear I do
But it can't
Be a condition
Set on a timeline
Cause I thought
You fell in love with me
For who I am
Not knowing who I'd become

Jun 10 · 115

63

OnLithium Jun 10

63

I wear goofy
Cause sad isn't in style
And I may not be a comedian
But I'm worth your while
I have memorized
Too many dad jokes
To not make you smile
And when the fun is over
I'll go back to the gloom
Till I can be the idiot
Who lights up a room

Jun 10 · 106

Kalliope

OnLithium Jun 10

Kalliope

One of nine Muses
"Beautiful voice"
The patron
Of poetry
And heroic song
Homer's inspiration
Never forget who you are

Jun 10 · 95

62

OnLithium Jun 10

62

I keep trying
To convince myself
That I don't care
Then I catch myself
Thinking about
The fact that you
Are not holding my hand
Not laughing at my jokes
Not enjoying my flowers
So I'll keep trying
To convince myself
That I don't care

Jun 10 · 112

61

OnLithium Jun 10

61

"I'm trying to be like you."
I didn't know
How to respond
So the first thing
That flew out of
My stupid mouth was
"You've got a long way to fall."

Jun 10 · 324

60

OnLithium Jun 10

60

Saw an old friend today
He looks so
Happy.

An old friend saw me today
I looked so
Different.

Jun 10 · 90

59

OnLithium Jun 10

59

Sitting in the corners
Of restaurants
Looking over my back
In grocery stores
Leaving my door cracked
In my bedroom
Expecting you to appear
And wound me again

Jun 10 · 80

58

OnLithium Jun 10

58

I rarely say
"I'm a poet"
When in all reality
I'm a mere collection
Of words
That I pray
Reaches someone

Jun 10 · 62

57

OnLithium Jun 10

57

I doth not knoweth
What m're I couldst sayeth
To changeth our loveth
Thy tears
Mine own blood
We has't both poured
M're than enow
To filleth cups ov'r
Thy eyes
Mine own lips
Has't spoken enow
To filleth books ov'r

Jun 9 · 53

Unidentified

OnLithium Jun 9

Unidentified

Trying to figure out
Who I am
Is like
Trying to combine
Bits and pieces
Of shredded papers
Sound bites that
Don't go together
Videos that
Don't look like me
Or at least
Who I thought I was?

Jun 9 · 87

56

OnLithium Jun 9

56

When the tide
Brings my body
To shore
I'm terrified
You
Won't
Be
There

Jun 7 · 99

55

OnLithium Jun 7

55

I can't continue
Like this
Relying on
Liquor
And Benadryl
To help me
Sleep
Begging for
Some sort of
Peace

Jun 7 · 46

54

OnLithium Jun 7

54

I sit here
Chewing holes in my mouth
Worrying
That someday soon
I'll be begging for the
Mercy
I never gave to myself

Jun 7 · 47

Honestly?

OnLithium Jun 7

Honestly?

I get asked questions
That I
Have already tortured myself with
For years
I get defensive
While being offered guidance
I get fueled by false hope
That someday
I'll have the wherewithal
To wake up
Look myself in the mirror
And be okay with what I see
But for now
Therapy blows chunks.

Jun 7 · 44

53

OnLithium Jun 7

53

I let you
Consume my mind
Influence my habits
Control who I am
Only to wake up
From another binge
And realize
You. Aren't. Here.

Jun 7 · 70

52

OnLithium Jun 7

52

For somebody who thinks
I shouldn't be here
Its awkward to say
I believe you do
Guess I have to start
Listening to my own mouth

Jun 7 · 137

fidus Achates

OnLithium Jun 7

fidus Achates

Daydreaming
About saying hello again
And never saying goodbye

Daydreaming
About seeing you smile
And it never fading away

Daydreaming
About playing in the stars
And never coming back down

Jun 7 · 73

51

OnLithium Jun 7

51

I remember
My first attempt
And the second
And even the third
A different method
Each and every time

Been bailed out by fate
And still
Haven't made anything
Of myself

Jun 6 · 281

50

OnLithium Jun 6

50

The dame
Who is't controls
Mine own luck
Hasn't been v'ry
F'rgiving

Nothing is moving
Mine own way
Shall the tide
Ev'r turneth
Doubtful

Jun 6 · 81

S.o.S

OnLithium Jun 6

S.o.S

I don't know
What to say
The words
Caught in
My throat
Tears trapped
In your eyes
You need to
Hear me
Say it
Yet I can't
Suffocating
On syllables

Jun 6 · 151

49

OnLithium Jun 6

49

I used to think that I
Had it all
Now I think that I
Threw it away

I look at what I had
It was so close to perfection
Now I look around
There's so much missing

Jun 5 · 62

48

OnLithium Jun 5

48

Here's a toast
To the nights
That ruined me
To the people
Who left my world
To the days
When I wasn't broken

Here's a toast
To all of those
And my ghost

Jun 5 · 79

47

OnLithium Jun 5

47

A jar of tears
A handful of sorrowful years

Cried so many rivers
Body chock full of slivers

I can't stop the weeping
I can't stop the bleeding

A scratch never finds the itch
A cry never finds the reason

Jun 5 · 87

Poem 30 Prelude

OnLithium Jun 5

Poem 30 Prelude

My book is written
Sentences of hopefullness
Paragraphs of melancholia
A rephrensible villian
An unpleasant hero
The protagonist
The antagonist
Are the same being
And I'm sure
The reader wants
A victor

Jun 5 · 80

Contrition

OnLithium Jun 5

Contrition

Sometimes I
Wonder if
Nothing that
Has happened
To me
Did happen
Would I
Be different
Maybe better
Offered salvation
Everything that
I'm not
Guess I
Won't know

Jun 3 · 61

46

OnLithium Jun 3

46

They say you put your partner first
I say I could never
Not because I'm selfish
But because I don't need a servant
Everything should be done together
Done in harmony
Not give and take
I don't want to cause strain
On what we built
Thats how most of those stories
End in collapse and crumbles

Jun 3 · 85

6 Years After

OnLithium Jun 3

6 Years After

When we first met
Two people who had no idea
What we were looking for
Expected nothing
And asked for less
I guess that's close to what we got

Jun 3 · 138

45

OnLithium Jun 3

45

If I had less time
Could you or would you
Love me for the rest of it

If I met you in the afterlife
Could you or would you
Even try to find me

And deep down I know
You could but wouldn't
But I have to ask what if

Jun 3 · 862

Incapable

OnLithium Jun 3

Incapable

Its always
The simplest
Of things
That can't
Be done
Even just
A quick
I'm sorry

Jun 3 · 61

44

OnLithium Jun 3

44

I would douse myself in kerosene
Just for you to look my way
I would jump off a building
Just so you see how I'm falling for you
I would lose everything I own
Just to show I need nothing else

Jun 3 · 154

Task Failed

OnLithium Jun 3

Task Failed

You always said that you
Wanted to lift me up
I always said that I
Would never let you down

Look at where we are now

Jun 3 · 74

43

OnLithium Jun 3

43

Feel my body failing
Look at my hands and
They aren't even mine
Writing all these words
Stare at the paper and
They aren't even mine

May 30 · 93

42

OnLithium May 30

42

My eyes are heavy
Yet sleep evades me
I could beg
But I know better
Just have to wait
And wait
Till the crash

May 28 · 119

41

OnLithium May 28

41

my defense mechanisms
have not defended anything
they have only hurt others
and led me astray

i feel like i have to justify
everything about me
to anyone who questions
and its getting obstructive

you seem so far from this
cause ive shut you out
and now youre hurting
as i sequester myself

May 28 · 125

《》《》《》

OnLithium May 28

《》《》《》

A caterpillar
Is at its most
Dysfunctional
Right before
It becomes a
Butterfly