I can't help but to envision long talks on summer nights
Cliche poems I wrote you'll convince me to recite
Asking if this is for life
Thinking it just might
Wish I could be sleeping next to you every night
Knowing you're the light at the end of the tunnel
Drowning in your love keeping me humble
Knowing you'll catch me if I stumble
Allowing me to see what real love can do
Expressing that I will always love you
Excited to share thoughts I never have before
Giving you my heart and so much more
Ready to explore you down to your core
But wait, pause...
I snapped back to reality
To the present state where you ripped out all my heart in totality
The beginning of this is what I hoped for
Now these are currents facts, nothing less than true
The real story of what's between me and you
I wish I could have known
I wish I didn't rely on your presence to give my heart a home
However I'm still thankful for the self love you gave
Made me realize I never needed anyone just to be saved
No I'm not sad, mad, frustrated
Just nostalgic of the times when I knew we would have made it.
Now we have become nothing more than strangers
I'm clouded with the thought of love being a danger
The main thing that took a toll were my expectations
Now I approach trust with just hesitation
I'm well aware time heals all
But it still doesn't change the pain of the fall
You were my karma for hearts I broke in the past
Leading on women when I knew we wouldn't last
I was content being genuine and toxic
Both smiling and nauseous
Just when I thought my heart was closed
You conjured up a key like a locksmith
I allowed you to invade all my space
Giving anything for a smile on your face
Your scent became embedded in my flesh
I thought about our future and what was next
Little did I know how much I invested
So by the time you were gone I couldn't have helped it
No time to embrace or prepare
So when you said you loved someone else
My face drew a blank stare
Heartache became more than just emotional
It became physical
Seeking advice from friends, just to get ridiculed
The struggle is what makes you self made
Taking in consequences like there was a price to be paid
All beauty has consequences
I clearly am not your last
But just another obstacle you had to pass
No love lost
I wish you the best
No hard feelings
I'll just figure out the rest
And for those who read this I can attest
Open your minds
Never live life off the concept of time
Along with opportunities and words
These things you can't get back
I gotta focus more and get back on track
I'm over being an option and not a priority
I gave you everything I had til there was no more of me
I'll create my own foundation
More self love without any hesitation
Never mistake my trust issues as insecurities
Never mistake silence as purity
We all have our demons
I keep mine away
Safe in the corners so they don't see the light of day
I wish you the best and you'll find another
But on some real ****. Stop texting my mother

Who told you to leave
Who told me to grieve
You put me through so much change
****** my emotions and redistributed pain
You're the epitome of bad decisions
All the dark places I never wanted to live in
Your harsh words creating painful incisions
Left me with despair
Trying to gasp for air
Trying to force you to care
Thinking only one thought
How could you dare?
Do this to me, do this to us
I never wanted to leave
But I will if I must
I take no pleasure in walking away
I have to much pride to beg you to stay
I can't let you see the pain
Switching over from bae to just no name
Time is no medicine but it helps me heal
Concluding that I can't force you to feel
I pray for your happiness like I pray for my own
You predicted this and I didn't believe
I honestly thought you would never leave
I guess you're doing me a favor
Still ***** I put my love, trust and labor
I gave it all
Just to watch it fall

The reality of who I am to you does not exist in others. Never force perception onto another. Allow them to form their own reality of me.

Your only rival is your reflection
& your only enemy is time.

It’ll serve you well to remember that we are a sum of our actions..not our intentions.

First and foremost, I write because I have a lot to say.  I write because I’m a perfectionist and this is the only place where everything is in my control. In real life, there’s no going back to swap what I said for something more witty/poignant/empathetic/all of the above. There’s no proofreading and editing out all the awkward, insensitive and downright stupid things that come out of my mouth.
But, mostly, I write because a lot of **** happens in life and this is the only way I know how to even try to make sense of it. I’m never going to have exactly the right words to describe the highs, the lows and everything in between  and I’m okay with that. I’ll keep trying anyway because that’s who I am. I may not be good at too many things, but ****** if I don’t try hard. Writing makes me feel human, it makes feel observant, it makes me feel compassion which I greatly lack. Art brings me so many places, but not like writing. Poetry is love for me, nothing better than something that lets you create your own reality

Do people really wanna know you? Or do they just like the idea of you? Do they even know your flaws, your trials and tribulations. Do they care to know. If they did know, would they push it to the side.. how would they comfort you when they don’t you know. Who will bring you solace in your times of real need, when you ache, when you cry. I hope you’re wise and only allow those in with good intentions. I hope no one ever gets to say they got the best of you...how could they when they don’t even know the best of you? Is it wrong to say I hope they fail and then seek retribution on themselves. I hope when you experience pain nothing but growth and lessons learned follow. I hope you know that it was never a failure. It was then who failed you...failed to see your worth. If they would have saw their own demise would they have went about it differently. Or was it worth it to them to have a small piece of you and steal some of your time. Growing up we always hear about the monsters in our closet, under our bed, and the monsters that live in the dark. What about the ones that lurk during the day preying on you. What about the monsters that presents themselves as a savior. How will you know the difference. It almost instills a certain fear that you have to live in and be so cautious of. I have had so many women claim to love me but they didn’t know the real me...what I do behind closed doors, what thoughts really passed through my mind. They just loved the idea of me an what their preconception of me was. These people are everywhere...they are your day to day people that come around just as much as the air you breath. So please be careful, your heart is already physically fragile. Please don’t let these commonalities fool you. But if no one has told you today then I’ll be the first one to let you know I idolize the resiliency you have and how true to yourself you continue to be...they’re both unwavering qualities I adore. I envy you and these “special abilities” you have. It’s rare and undefinable...& once again I’m attracted to anything I can’t define. Despite that I will respect the friendship to be but a definite thank you is always in order for any of this inspiration. So thank you for taking care of your soul and hanging it out for others to see that they can make it just as you have.