“i’m not upset”
i say as it feels like an elephant
is sitting on my chest
i say as i’m hoping that
the wind will knock this tree in my room
i say as tears are running down my face

constantly lying when i’m upset
to spare others with the burden of my feelings

i want to stand on a roof,
drive so fast i could die,
lay in the middle of the road,
just so i can feel something other than this

i know that healing isn’t linear
that it’s full of highs and lows
but when the highs are euphoric
and the lows are like storms
it’s hard to question if you’re healing at all

but there’s beauty in a storm
and euphoria can be addicting
that’s why rainbows exist
and why there’s drug addicts

we kissed
it was like fireworks went off inside me
i couldn’t stop

you’re all i want.

my goal is to take a picture
with you or of you
every time we hang out
so i can look at those pictures
the way i do at this one

flashbacks
your hand in mine
your arms around me
you pulling me closer to you
looking in your eyes
i haven’t felt this way
in a long time

you have walls built up
that are so thick
and anyone who tries to get through them
will be crushed

there’s a door
but it’s locked to most of the world
you only let certain people in
and even then
they stay in the entryway

i just wish that i’d even be able to make it that far
into the entryway
so i can see even a little bit
of the castle that hides
behind those walls

the snow is falling outside
and all i can think about
is how the last time it snowed
you were there with me