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May 2021 · 102
part eighty three
olive May 2021
i’ve given you so much of my time
and so much of my effort
i’ve treated you as best as i can
i’ve been understanding and caring
i’ve given you my all

i built up expectations
without even realizing it
and now i’m being let down
slowly

these past years
all i’ve wanted
is to know what it’s like to love you
and i know now

loving you is incredible
it’s like a breath of the freshest air
like a popsicle on a summer day
like listening to your favorite song

loving you is wild
it’s like speeding on a backroad
like sneaking out at midnight
like every animal in nature  

but loving you came with a price
it came with plans that were never completed
with “i love you’s” that weren’t returned
with texts that weren’t answered for hours

but loving you has been
the best decision i’ve ever made
and i’m going to keep doing it
until you break my heart in two

because that’s just who i am
and who i am loves you.
May 2021 · 104
dt rp
olive May 2021
tonight i found out
that the worst i had assumed
actually happened

i don’t remember it
i blacked out.
but i had a feeling in my stomach
that knew all along.

*******.
i can’t believe this. i can’t even wrap my mind around this.
Apr 2021 · 229
part seventy four
olive Apr 2021
there’s nothing more wholesome and perfect
thank you falling asleep
with your head in my hands
and giving me half-awake kisses
the best i’ve ever felt
Mar 2021 · 83
part forty six
olive Mar 2021
maybe i love you, okay??
not the type of love where i can’t live without you
but how the moon loves the night sky
how i love sunsets

the type of love where we could drive around forever just listening to music and that would be okay with me as long as i’m with you.

the type of love where i could look at you all day and not find a single thing wrong because i’m so ******* captivated by you.

the type of love you see in movies.
that’s how i feel about you.

everything about you.
there is nothing about you that i would ever change.

maybe i’m scared to show you who i am because it’s driven everyone else away in the past and i don’t want that to happen this time.

maybe i had more hope in myself that i wouldn’t drive you away, but i still managed to.

so maybe i love you.
but what ******* difference does it make
does it even make a difference at this point?
Mar 2021 · 270
old saybrook beach
olive Mar 2021
i don’t know much about you
but i’d like to think you’d love it here
the sound of the waves crashing
the shells that string the beach
the sand on your feet
i’d like to think if i found you a shell
you would keep it
and i would keep any shell
that you found for me
would you keep the shell?
Mar 2021 · 220
the lies i tell
olive Mar 2021
“i’m not upset”
i say as it feels like an elephant
is sitting on my chest
i say as i’m hoping that
the wind will knock this tree in my room
i say as tears are running down my face

constantly lying when i’m upset
to spare others with the burden of my feelings
Mar 2021 · 73
linear
olive Mar 2021
i want to stand on a roof,
drive so fast i could die,
lay in the middle of the road,
just so i can feel something other than this

i know that healing isn’t linear
that it’s full of highs and lows
but when the highs are euphoric
and the lows are like storms
it’s hard to question if you’re healing at all

but there’s beauty in a storm
and euphoria can be addicting
that’s why rainbows exist
and why there’s drug addicts
remind yourself that healing is a process of highs and lows, and you’re deserving of the outcome no matter the lows
Feb 2021 · 96
part sixty one
olive Feb 2021
we kissed
it was like fireworks went off inside me
i couldn’t stop

you’re all i want.
Feb 2021 · 85
part fifty nine
olive Feb 2021
my goal is to take a picture
with you or of you
every time we hang out
so i can look at those pictures
the way i do at this one
Feb 2021 · 157
part fifty seven
olive Feb 2021
flashbacks
your hand in mine
your arms around me
you pulling me closer to you
looking in your eyes
i haven’t felt this way
in a long time
Feb 2021 · 65
castle
olive Feb 2021
you have walls built up
that are so thick
and anyone who tries to get through them
will be crushed

there’s a door
but it’s locked to most of the world
you only let certain people in
and even then
they stay in the entryway

i just wish that i’d even be able to make it that far
into the entryway
so i can see even a little bit
of the castle that hides
behind those walls
let me in to your beautiful soul
Jan 2021 · 80
part fifty three
olive Jan 2021
the snow is falling outside
and all i can think about
is how the last time it snowed
you were there with me
Jan 2021 · 283
stay alive
olive Jan 2021
if you need a reason to stay:
think of all the sunsets you haven’t seen,
think of all the puppies you haven’t pet,
think of all the iced coffees you haven’t had,
or the meteor showers you haven’t witnessed.

think of your siblings,
think of your parents,
think of your friends,
they would all miss you.

i may not know you,
but you are loved.
you are needed here.
you would be missed.
stay. please. the world needs you.
Jan 2021 · 310
no means no.
olive Jan 2021
i once saw this on a card
at the Museum of Modern Art
when i was 14:
fassen sie mich nicht an
“do not touch me”

no means no.
do not touch people without their consent, ever.
Dec 2020 · 297
red.
olive Dec 2020
red was always your favorite color
now when i think about red
i just think of all the red flags
that i missed
#ex
Dec 2020 · 55
part thirty one
olive Dec 2020
i don’t want to text you
telling you i’m having a bad night
you’re with friends having fun
why would i burden you with my anxiety
Dec 2020 · 69
part thirty
olive Dec 2020
you’re at your friends house
and i can’t help but think
the way i talk to my friends about you
probably isn’t how you talk to yours about me
Dec 2020 · 53
work of art
olive Dec 2020
you say that you’re not beautiful
but darling, you’re like an art museum
i could look at you all day
Dec 2020 · 44
equally
olive Dec 2020
if i was loved how i love others
it would feel euphoric
Dec 2020 · 47
the train girl
olive Dec 2020
i’ve never seen someone
more genuinely happy
when they see a train
than her

you can see it
her eyes light up
and she will run to catch it
drive 10mph over the speed limit
just to watch a train on the tracks
Dec 2020 · 68
about A: volume 5
olive Dec 2020
the smell of petrichor lingers
in the air

like the sight of you lingers
in my mind
Dec 2020 · 43
waste
olive Dec 2020
pouring my energy
into something
someone
who doesn’t give it back
a losing game
but i can’t seem to learn that
Dec 2020 · 41
about A: volume 4
olive Dec 2020
i can’t stop thinking
about how happy you looked
sitting in yellow deli
eating a veggie burger

the way you looked at me
from across the table
and give me that smirk you have

do i cross your mind?
Dec 2020 · 41
about A: volume 1
olive Dec 2020
i cuddled you all night
and all day

my sweatshirt smells like you now
her
Dec 2020 · 57
gift wrap
olive Dec 2020
i’m the type of person
who adds too much tape when wrapping presents
because i’m scared of them opening up
maybe that’s a little representative of myself
Dec 2020 · 39
flyaways
olive Dec 2020
the mess of her hair
was never meant to be contained
it was meant to go free
without limits
don’t tell her to fix her hair
when it was never meant to be tamed
Dec 2020 · 35
after
olive Dec 2020
i’m not lost without you
i’m the happiest i’ve ever been.

but if that’s what you want to believe
then by all means go ahead
you’re just mad that i’m better without you.
Jul 2020 · 76
different
olive Jul 2020
you’ve just been acting so different lately...
not saying long goodnights,
not talking to me as much.

is there someone else?
is there something on your mind?

just tell me already so I can get some sleep.
Jun 2020 · 128
outer space
olive Jun 2020
i’ve always loved reading about outer space,
the planets,
the stars,
the moons.

little did I know,
I only need to be with you,
to experience zero gravity.
haven’t written in awhile, came up with this off the top of my head
Jan 2018 · 3.9k
To The Two
olive Jan 2018
To the two girls who are now dating the two boys that have impacted my life in ways I can't begin to describe:

I beg of you... treat them better than I did
Respect them, never do anything to hurt them

They can make you smile in seconds, and they trust you immensely
Don't break their trust, it's hard for them to rebuild

They've been through a lot, so be careful
Don't yell, communicate

They're the sweetest boys you'll ever meet,
Please don't break them

They may not be mine anymore
But I don't want you to hurt them
**** Love
Nov 2017 · 1.5k
Your Sweatshirt
olive Nov 2017
In an attempt to get over you
I slept without your sweatshirt

All last night
Without your shirt
Tossing, turning, waking up

Tonight, I gave in
Because I know that I need you

So here it is
And here it will stay
Your sweatshirt in my arms
Day after day
I hate that I love you. I hate that no matter how much you hurt me I would still do anything for you. I hate that you're so manipulative. I hate that you play games with my head.
Nov 2017 · 267
First Taste of Pain
olive Nov 2017
The first time I heard you say you'd leave,
The first time I heard you say you don't love me,
The first time you said you were moving on,
The first time you said you loved me; you were wrong.
You were wrong, so ******* wrong. The first taste of doubt is what makes you see someones true feelings.
Nov 2017 · 364
Hazel Eyed Boy
olive Nov 2017
Your eyes captivate me
And draw me in more and more
I used to hesitate on telling you things
But I don't anymore
You always know what to say
Though I may not like it.
My day gets better
When I see those hazel eyes
Mystery boy, oh mystery boy.
Nov 2017 · 193
Violin
olive Nov 2017
Softly I play
Carefully placing my fingers
All my thoughts drift from reach
As I play and play
On the violin of my brain
My violin is my lifeline. I don't know how I would survive without those beautiful notes
Nov 2017 · 240
Undefined
olive Nov 2017
My own touch; undefined
By yours that is divine
Unsure how to feel
My thoughts take the wheel
November 7th, 2017

— The End —