I know good things come
To those who wait
But I'd come a lot quicker
If you'd stop teasing me

This is for amir sofi

Because it took me a total of 30 seconds after he walked on stage to think
"where is he from"
because i'm probably still pronouncing his name wrong
Because he is a brown boy in a mistakenly white america
Amir i am sorry
I share a well known thought process when it comes to you
i think
"I wonder where his family lives"
"I wonder if they are all together"
"I wonder how he got here"
"I wonder what he believes in"
"I wonder if he is a citizen"
As if it is any of my ******* business whether or not you pay taxes
I am 17 years old, I don't really care about taxes
and i don't think they should determine your amount of freedom
So why is it when you walk on stage my biggest concern is your citizenship to this country.
Amir there is something we need to understand
I will not stand here to wallow in self pity about how i am not progressive enough
I will not let you stand there and listen to a poem about my underdeveloped thought process
We need to be proactive lets make a plan
how about we
Paint everybody brown We can assemble a street team, some very enthusiastic people with paint brushes who want to change the world
Oh Oh how about we assassinate the president that always seems to get a point across. wait, that would be counter productive
this president is a step for us
Oh i got it! petition to make every american constantly where a blindfold
you can't judge skin you can't see
petition to paint the white house purple!
Thats it!  Here me out!
You're a brown boy in a country managed by a black man in a white house.
This doesn't sound very balanced, people are being represented but you are not all people amir
I just think the place where our countries biggest decisions are made should be a color not designated to a certain race.
And i kinda like the color purple
Alright that's step one
Whats next?
More paint?
Making all of the skittles in the package one color so people don't have a chance to pick their favorites.
I heard you amir
to many people of color spend their lives painting things white
don't change your last name for me i will adapt
we will all adapt
you to the long and challenging process of acceptance from southern man
and us to the to changing our hearts to embracing every color
Thank you Amir for your patience
I am so sorry about your calluses
thank you for what you have become amir
I appreciate you amir

In the fifth grade
I was invited to to go to this party, a sleepover for these twins,
who i had been friends with for almost my entire existence
I arrive: Excited
I sit down: calm
I go into the kitchen: Absolutely horrified
     Welcome to my first experience with anxiety
crying in the bathroom, I call my mo to come pick me up
I leave: Calm, confused
The First day of 7th grade
I have class with this new teacher, miss scott,
Walk in: excited
sit down: horrified
Crying in the classroom i get excused to the nurse
I leave: embarrassed, confused

Freshman year first time
Inhale
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
Exhale
"Feel anything yet?"
" how am I supposed to know?"
"Try again"
Inhale
1,2,3,4,5,6,7. cough

As much as I like to think i did
I did not get high.

Sophomore year
More anexity no ****

Junior year

lungs
Consisting of elastic sacs with branching passages into which air is drawn so that oxygen can pass into the blood and carbon dioxide be removed

You planted flowers in mine and my body has not adjusted to breathe the different air.

I have forever felt at one with nature  and hold the desire to assimilate myself in to it
But Today my body is not ready
My body will not accepted that as nature  I will be stepped on
My body is A lot stronger then my heart is

I want my chest to be molded to hold all of which you want to give me
I want to say my carbon dioxide receptors will develope
like I can turn by body into something it is not
for you
but truthfully i know better

My body is resistant.
My muscles fight for me when i am on longer doing it on my own
When i don't understand that this is a battle to the death
I wanted to give you something and didn't even contemplate that you could to **** it

I don't think it was intentional
But you have uprooted all of my nourishment and put it in my lungs
and although it is beautiful I cannot digest from my lungs

My life as this is not yet over
I have drawn from my skin all of what it had and more
I have picked at my bones i have tried to push them closer together
I have tried to make my body pretty and artfull

upon finding out that beautiful starts with self acceptance
I worked on believing that i am beautiful
I was coming to peace with loving myself
I had become a garden of my own
flourishing off of what i had around me

When you arrived you began to dig up the roots I was using to cope
swinging your shovel around like you didn't know the importance of what you were doing
WHile you were teaching me that your acceptance of me was more important than that of my own

The mind of which i follow told me that this was okay.
My body called *******, not ready to be stepped on
You had felt me with the rest of your body
And planting the flowers in my lungs was so you could feel me under your feet

Your feet are not the ones i want to be underneath
When my body is ready i will go into the ground
And the bereaved and the grave diggers and distraught will walk across me and my body will become that of another nature

For the first time my body will feel completely solid.