saudad (n)-- 1. knowing that
coffee and cigarettes
will never smell
quite as good as they
did on you

2. hearing your name over and
over again, then suddenly,
not at all, because even i am
too scared to whisper it
to the dark

3. watching you fade before
you're even gone; if you ever come
back home, you won't be the man
you were one year ago.

i wonder when ghosts from
our pasts die,
do we feel them go
like we do the
living?

i keep my hands held close to my sides
for fear that if i dare stretch them too far
i may burn my fingers upon the edge of the stars--
       (i suppose the fear i know is just a side effect of
       having lost things i've loved far too long
       and loving things too lost to play along)

Cuando estas muerto,
quiero su alma para mio.
Porque su alma es como el sol
Sin caprichos

I want to know your soul as my own.
I want you to haunt me.
The radiance and beauty of
you is blinding.

Dear
Lacey,
I should tell you how much
I hate your name.
too close to that ringing moniker of the dead girl in Colorado.
I didn't see you in her
didn't see anyone
and of course she wasn't more than a face laid out in
ink on a page
set to dry like I'd never said a word to her
of course.
I'd be a fool to think
that you have anything to do with
that look on in her eyes when they slammed her to a wall took out a gun and

of course you didn't know, I'm just a poor soul
looking for a living on the streets, don't think I'm one to
jump to conclusions.

Dear La
cey
my fingers hurt to type,
I don't want to talk to you, it might
trigger, you know.
People sometimes say I have
problems with other people.
please forget my number tomorrow.
and the next day and the one after
that.

L,
I leave this note on the hood of your car, you'll see it
before you drive away
don't look for me
I have a gun for you if
you do.

metal cools and hots, Lacey, your name is Lacey
and I cry to you.

Be the best that you can be
Love forever, forget my worth,
And heal a soul, or two.

Mine is a heart that's been dropped more than once
What use is a damaged thing?
My bruises have bruises
But there's nothing you can do about that, now.

Yes, I scream out loud sometimes
When the rain buries the roof
And I drown in a bubble of air.
So I'm sorry, but nothing has changed.

But you're so far away, so don't you worry about that.