Headstrong


versus


Heart-song


waging war upon my senses


What I want

and what I need

A battle of great proportions


Almost as though I had you in my grasp


I lost it


Almost just as fast


The weapons used

hand made and raw

the most brutal of devices

most painful of them all.


None will survive


the blood will stain my skin

I am forever trapped inside


my walls


no longer thin.


With one last option

The destroyed lifeforce reacts


A last ditch effort

There is no turning back


Saliva dripping from my lips

Brain rendered useless by the heart broken battleships


The end of pains


An empty vessel

A heartless soul

A mindless body

all that remains

When one falls in Love, we must be careful of our reasoning.


Are we falling for their gorgeous eyes?

   ...the iridescent barrier to their soul...


Is it their smooth skin drawing us in?

   ...the touch we crave continueously...


Does their body control our sensations?
   
...the shapely curves or sharp features...


So what happens when those dissapear?
Will Love suddenly be something we must have mistaken something else to be?


Through the looking glass,

I see your face.

I hear your voice.

I feel your soul.


Breathless when you smile


The risk we take.

The thrill of the ride.

The end of NOTHING...


...that NEVER was.

Oh what I'd give...

to live in my dreams

where everything's perfect

and just as it seems


There are no hidden meanings

or broken hearts

nothing left unanswered

straight forward from the start


but...


Here in reality

I can barely breathe

my heart has stopped beating

and I no longer believe


There is no hope

no cure for this cause

Just a heartbroken misfit

holding onto love that once was


Oh what I'd give...

to live in my dreams

where everything's perfect

and just as it seems


If I could sleep forever

In my dreams I'd be a queen

In a castle on a hillside

covered in flowers amongst green


I'd have the King I’d always dreamt of

His love I'd never question

with a smile there would be no doubt

I am the object of his affection


yet...


Forever is impossible

Reality has it's hold

I am alive and wide awake

fearing the untold


I share a world with others

some surviving just fine

Those who can't handle it

simply give up and resign


I've written my resignation

and several times thrown it away

wasted sheets of apologies

never knowing how to explain


Oh what I'd give...

to live in my dreams

where everything's perfect

and just as it seems

I yearn to lay naked before you


Exposed for all that I am


Covered in scars

Bruises, a deep green

Swollen eyes
...
and a broken heart


Clothed in fear instead, I stand before you


my smile, my shield


laughing to hide the pain

refusing to admit blame


Behind closed doors I cry outloud

Craving your shelter

Beaten and bound


Please accept my confessions

my truth and my sorrow


...and I pray that you will still forever
love me tomorrow.

I wrote this letter

I was going to give to you

later in the day


But since I've written

I've decided that

There's still things I'm not ready to say


Until that time

I'll fold it so

and hide it somewhere safe


Then when I'm ready

I'll face my fears

And try my hardest to be brave


Within this letter

are heartfelt words

said with the strongest of passion


Yet hurtful 
in the worst of ways

carrying a terrible burden


There are lies that course

through the invisible ink

penned across this tattered paper


Just remember

when you read these words

its my strongest form of armor


I wrote this letter

I was going to give to you

but instead I threw it away


Because since I've written

I've decided that

These are things I'm not strong enough to say

If I could have just a single wish
I think I’d want to see
exactly what you’re looking at
when you’re watching me.

I hear my taunting mirror
SHOUTING
hung backwards on my wall
All my imperfections
Broken
Shattered from the fall.

I fear not so much the physical
but the emotional wreck inside

—

You say i’m inspirational
beautiful
and
magical

What I see is horrible
terrible
and
nonsensical

Overly dramatic
Buried in my dreams
thinking quite sparatically
nothing’s as it seems

I’ll break your heart
It’s inevitable

You’ll never be the same

I’m nothing but bad news
Quite negligible

Another pawn of this game.

—

If I could have just a single wish
I think I’d want to see
exactly what you’re looking at
when you’re watching me.