I hold my breath a minute too long

Waiting for that crash to come

Instinct takes over

Ignoring my heart

Working against me

As I'm falling apart


Why can't I let this lifetime go

And simply float away

Removing myself from my body

Never living another day.


If suffocation cannot save me

Then perhaps I cannot die

I'll lay here for eternity

As the world just passes by.


The days are now a dull black and white

Sometimes awful shades of grey

Yet no matter how I beg for it

I cannot slip away


If only I could close my eyes

And will my heart to stop

This battle would be quickly over

My victory on top

When everything is dark and quiet

I'll hold my breath again

And pray for mercy on my heart

That the pain will finally end.

Years ago I swore to myself that I'd never fall in love again.


Betrayed.


How can you trust anyone if you're unable to yourself?


I cannot catch my breath anymore

watching from the window as you go about your life

holding hands and dancing

smiling and laughing


I brought you flowers this time...


I'll just leave them here on your front step.


You are happy.


Who am I to ruin that with my sad eyes?

Its always an eventuality

Ripped from fantasy into reality

I've come to expect the certainty

That forever I will be lonely


Standards are lowered

More to give, less to take

Back to the way it was

Forever just another mistake


Perhaps one day

I'll consider this logically


An acid trip

through my destroyed psyche


I lived a nice high temporarily

Before it ended so promptly

Leaving me feeling quite queasy

Curled on the floor remembering vaguely


Simply insignificant

In the bigger scheme of things

Worthless and unimportant

Lost in my own 
writhings.

I fit the mold perfectly

drugged up and hung daintly

upside down to view plainly

On display so painfully


One heartstring

played beautifully


Another conspiring

quite loudly


An eventuality

From fantasy to reality

Expecting the certainty

Forever

Lonely.

Drown the sound of the outside world

Play your music loud


In my head we dance

Like there's no one else around


I can feel your hands placed upon my hips

The beat is fast, but our feet are quick


Seperated we move to a different drum

No rhythm inside, mindless and numb


Together as one, a Rockstar explodes

Breaking the stereotypical molds.


Hearts pounding, exhausted we'll fall...

Together we'll dance

The greatest dance of all...

This is not a game.


Not just some whim of
-what ever the ******* feel like-


This is real.

Unreal.


Yet so real.


Is my trigger finger shaky?
Are these suicidal thoughts of the irregular kind?


It is not death I face...
...at least only inevitably.


How could one irrational decision hold so much weight?


Why is it even a decision when logic should be erased from the start?


This is not a game.
So why do I feel like a pawn?

Can you hear me scream these words?


Am I coming through loud and clear?


The answers are insignificant.


The questions are what I fear.


I'll keep my sorrow to myself


Don't worry I won't intrude


I am not here to impose upon


Or ask you to uproot.


A little time and patience


Some carefully considered words


A moment just to have each other


To find all there is to learn


Perhaps some more will come of this


We'll fall for each other entirely


But for now, I'll take just what we have


And cherish each moment completely

Headstrong


versus


Heart-song


waging war upon my senses


What I want

and what I need

A battle of great proportions


Almost as though I had you in my grasp


I lost it


Almost just as fast


The weapons used

hand made and raw

the most brutal of devices

most painful of them all.


None will survive


the blood will stain my skin

I am forever trapped inside


my walls


no longer thin.


With one last option

The destroyed lifeforce reacts


A last ditch effort

There is no turning back


Saliva dripping from my lips

Brain rendered useless by the heart broken battleships


The end of pains


An empty vessel

A heartless soul

A mindless body

all that remains