It is with this oak that I burn my soul into
It is with every etch that I burn my desires
scorching in my undeniable passion
with the smokey rings that consume the air around me
the smell of the smoldering wood brings me peace as I create
I'm high with a fervor for my work
I'm obsessed, Mindlessly pressing and burning
My mind watches each flare, Flash, Flicking light
that dances with the smoke
each red ember ignites my lust for completion
But what happens when I am finally whole?

my eyes are hollow they see everything too late
to them everything too fast, Slow, out of place
Out of time
But.....
my ears are fine tuned, they catch so much, Too much at times
I hear the whispering of willows and secrets of the undergrowth
I can hear what I don't see
I'm blinded by my sight
you can't be blinded by what you see?
my limits are my eyes they only see the mask the happy faces
my hearing can see through the smiles and expose the emotions underneath
what's going on behind my mahogany eyes?

Constantly turning, tripping on my own deficiency
On my knees tangled into my lack of confirmation, Each strangling rope tied to my imbecilic self
Nodding off when an intellectual avails commodious words
Flummoxed right and left by the barbarous webs of my muddled perception
Uprooting is not an option, For the webs constrict my judgment.
Superincumbent to the weight of the webs
Entering the depths
Drowning into my bitter conscious, The webs drag me into ignorance I must break free

if you were to ask me what color I bleed naturally I'd say red
But I'll lie in bed
I'll be thinking red red red red red....
but that's not the truth but its what I said
red that's not my color, It's black
it's metallic, oily, thick, red is a color that I lack
I have so much of it stuffed inside me its bleeding from my mouth
I'm choking on....Ink...…….Its ink that I bleed
cut me open and you'll see
I cry ink
From the corners of my eyes you'll see the black tendrils of ink sneaking down my cheeks.
My heart beats ink
I am ink

I was once bullet proof and now I shatter upon every word
every breath
you made

your the one who shot me
every bullet pulverizing what was left of my sanity
every gram of gunpowder caked my heart black

You left nothing
NOTHING
not even leaving an ounce of love
I spent it all...all of it on you
And only you
you didn't even leave enough for me to heal myself

I've forgotten how to love myself
Now I can only protect myself

I'm a spent spirit laying in the coffin of my own destruction
but I'll find a way to crawl out again
you can't bury what's been dead before

You may not love me, Anymore
But I still do
I don't know why I'm bent on you

I know your not true blue
I know that your lies aren’t true
I know you hated my gut’s it’s all true
But I still love you

I see you and think “I love you”
You see me and say “I hate you”
I love the scars and open wounds you carved
Into my very soul

I still love you
Nope I just can’t say I hate you
No matter all of the tricks you do,
I’ll still yearn and long for you
No matter how much you hurt me
I’ll still love you

I could never hate you
I'd still spend my last breaths telling you "I need you,"
But you don't feel the same
I can't keep playing this malicious game

being tortured and tamed
I am not a timid beast
But a master is something that controls

I do not
intend
to be
a
Sheep
any more

I want my heart back

Lost
No direction
Twisting, Turning, Bewildered
Frightened, Crying, Spinning, Eternal
Gone

My friend named Jess
Failed her test
Which sent her spiraling into insanity
Look she’s hiding in the corner strangled by anxiety



My other friend (who we’ll call Ben) the businessmen
Lost his pen
So he couldn’t sign the contract
Steve did and wound up rich
So he killed that witch

Thoughtless emotion clouds my spinning mind
I am stuck in a limbo
My eyes seach endlessly for meaning and for passion
my soul craves purpose but instead its found
ashes of my burnt love
I can no longer
see
feel
taste
think
smell
hear
these senses are alien to me
their very nature frightens me
I am done

As old as time themselves
withered with age
forever changing
forever present
all at once young and old
always ready to be found
always ready to unfold
but what happens to the ones that are too old?


are they retold
do they still hunger for the spotlight?
are they worn out and fear to relive a tale again?
do they fear to be recognized?
afraid to be retold
over and over again?

Or do they fear that they loose mystique?
their tales too predictable to survive a new age?
ever plot twist foretold
every secret revealed
do they yearn to be youthful and new?
Which do they prefer?

Stories come and go
each day one is born while another forgotten
or hidden behind the blindfolds of time
some changing to meet the demands of a new generation
charming mankind for eons to come

So shall it be

The conscious wrath of calamity
Murdering the astute thoughts
Obscuring my reality

The sequestered turmoil calls the shots
My moment of peace disturbed by this dilemma
Functioning without the key to break the lock

Searching for it through all of the drama
Exploring into the depth of my psychosis
Battling the inner chimera

Finding the key slipping under hypnosis
Constructing the key
Repeating my blunders resistant to sclerosis

Once again I’ve obscured key, unapologetically
Confounded by a new element, Obsessed with this controversy
I must find a key to cure this epidemy

Discombobulation
   Snuffing out my insight
   Stings of uncertainty clouding my mind
   The acidic taste of bitter gasoline rest on my tongue  
The scent of brewed turmoil, The sound of whats? And questions ringing in the smoky air

The solace of sting salt lets me wash away my burns but some still smolder inside
They fester inside never allowing me to cry and relieve them of their duty
but they never let me die
I will wither if the flames of past regret were to diminish
I would fall onto the dust of my undoing

The cooling stings give me solace
the tears pat me dry
allowing me to let my flames diminish
the relief of letting go pains me
each forgiveness bleeds into my very skin
and leaves only black ink that which only darken my soul
I hide my markings
hoping no one sees my charcoal tattoos
But I know they see they ash
I choke on the wisp of the ink
my teeth are charred with forgiveness
Why can't I let go?
I try but I fall back into place
I've woken up from falling for eternity but the ink still remains
"I've been too sweet."
I rise taking off my hood and put on a glass mask
"now those f@%*#@& will pay"
I was a slave to myself allowing others
to manipulate my sins and pull my strings
Well this sheep has rotted out of her bleeding wool

Those plain simple eyes
The glass that borders up my soul, letting me see out but no one seeing in. the glass that protects my soul is plain its painted with the simplest of browns and the most basic of hues. reflections of the onlookers.
Pools of brown lie in the glass petrified forever blank. glazed over with shards of mirrors.
When you look into my eyes you see the worst part of me and tell me to smile.
What lies beyond these mahogany eyes will forever be mine and mine alone.