I want somebody to want my love.
I want somebody who thinks
my love is worthy
and that I am worthy of theirs.
I want to know that I'm ok

It's all lies.
All the flies and the spies
You sent came back misadvised
You thought maybe
You can deserve somthing more
Maybe your worth saving
If your vulnerable enough to explore
The shores and the locked doors
Curiously waiting
Constantly aching
It's all lies
Those thoughts and your hearts
Show you parts you never wanted to find
You'd stay blind for the rest of your life
If you could.
The light can't burn
If you shut you eyes
It's all lies
It's all lies
It's all lies

The only reason people like you
Is because you put them
First.
Don't forget that.
Don't lose sight of what keeps you alive.
Is that a threat? I asked
Only if you want it to be
It answered

Why?
I don't get it.
Why would you want to be with someone
Who doesn't want to be with themselves?

Is it sad that
Whenever you say my name
It reminds me that I'm
Here?
That I exist?

I'm not here.
Close my eyes and repeat it
Again and again.
I'm not here.
If I was here,
I would be torn
Apart
But I'm not
here.
So no need to worry
About hiding tears
Being swallowed by
Fears
Because I'm not here.
Say it again with me,
I'm not here.

But what happens If
that feeling comes again and
you do
want to be there?
I do
want to be here.
What happens then?
Can I bear it?
my squirming insides
My cut flesh
My beating heart
Beating so fast
So quiet
And loud all at the same time.

Don't you dare tell me I'm getting better

Let me see
If this "love" thing
Exists.

My brain says no
My heart says please
And my soul says

wait and see