There's a reason,
but I don't know why.
There's plenty of tears,
I wish I could cry.

There's no lack of heartbreak,
or emotional crashing.
So why do I seem
So devoid of compassion?

Maybe this emptiness,
is the last thing I've got.
Maybe she took
so much more than I thought...

I've finally reached a stage,
Where I am furious with rage.
A silver pen rests in my hand,
but there's nothing on the page.

The room is cool and dank,
and there's a devil on my flank.
Words rage war within me,
but the paper is staying blank.

I'm a soldier, see my fight
in the madness of this night.
I should be be scrawling paragraphs,
instead the pad is plain and white.

My shell is burnt and cracked,
from the eternal sting of the attack,
on my desk there's only barrenness,
where there should be a sea of black.

I had an idea,
but I didn't write it down.

And if I didn't write it down,
then did it ever actually exist in the first place?

and if it didn't exist in the first place,
how could I have had it?

and if I never had it,
then where did it come from?

You call me rebellious.
Unstable. Unpredictable.

But I'm not lashing out over the irrational.

I am lashing out to resist
any attempt
to confine my spirit
and its infinite beauty
from the world surrounding it.

I'm eating leftovers,
but I'm not starving.

This shirt has a few holes,
but my back is covered.

My car broke down,
but my legs work fine.

The AC is broken,
but the roof keeps me dry.

I'm taking cold showers,
but the water is clean.

I am hurting inside,
but I find reasons to smile.

I don't have much,
but I have far from nothing.

I am but a tiny ember.
Patiently waiting for the moment
when I finally ignite.
The glow will be glorious.
My fire will burn brightly
and erase the empty darkness.
I will feel more alive than
I have ever before.

If only I could find someone
to light the match...

Welcome to a place called addiction.
It's not as fun as it looks.
Beneath the smiles there is only eternal sadness.
Beneath the fullness there is only empty space.
We have plenty of distractions.
and plenty of destructions.

We're pretty easy to find.
Just start following the broken road
and stop once you get past markers
for failed relationships and lost jobs.
Keep your eyes out for the depression signs.
And the constant noise of suicide alley.

There are only two roads out of town.
One takes you back the way you came.
The other to certain death.
No need to make a choice right now.

You can stay with us as long as you want...

It’s a night at the beach.
Not too warm, not too cool.
A gentle breeze flows in
Over the crashing waves.

She looks beautiful.
Red lipstick.
A flawless smile.
And lovely long hair that is being
Ever so gently tossed around
By the August winds.
I take her hand,
She takes my heart.

It’s a night at the beach,
And there’s nowhere else I want to be.

I am a wounded warrior.
I fought and I fought and I fought.
Left behind friends and my family,
To the battle gave the best that I've got.

Loaded out by the light of the sunset,
Marched on in the blanket of dark.
By the raging boom of the mortars,
I saw the horrors of war clear and stark.

We lost twenty odd men in the first fight.
The next week, we lost fifty or more.
So goes the life of a soldier,
Such is the fury of war.

The winter was cold, unforgiving.
I longed for the warmth of my home.
But a promise to fight is a promise,
So I continued to brave the unknown.

Each twenty four hours more hellish,
Pushing on in the worst of the dregs
Watched my best friend in an instant
Holding what was left of his legs

We marched on for what seemed forever,
as the enemy kept getting bolder.
In one of the fiercest of all the fights,
I took a shrapnel blast to my shoulder.

From there I was done on the front lines,
And you'd think I'd be somewhat relieved.
But back home I just walked into loneliness,
to hurt and to suffer and grieve.

I am a wounded warrior.
I fought and I fought and I fought.
I would not wish my life upon anyone
Such is the pain that war wrought.

You don't need me.
I don't need you.
Together we ignite,
Like fireworks in the darkness.

You don't need me.
I don't need you.
We've tried and we've tried,
but we're hopelessly broken.

You don't need me.
I don't need you.
We've reached our natural end.
Still you refuse to let go...

Rain, rain, wash me away.
Drown me in the depths, let my spirit decay.

Lost and lifeless, adrift in the flood,
no fire in my heart, no surge in my blood.

Endlessly grasping at things not meant to be.
Left to live out forever in the cold of the sea

Rain, rain, wash me away.
Perhaps I'll find solace in this madness of grey.

Hello shame, my longtime friend.
Why do we chance to meet again?

Hello anger, Hello fury,
Constant companion to all my worry.

Hello guilt and pain and fear,
How do you always find me here?

Hello sadness, I still remember
The last time we met in the bleak December.

Hello anguish and days uncertain,
As you steal my light and drop the curtain.

I’m sure why it’s so quiet tonight.
Or why those old stars just don’t seem as bright.

You’d think there would be another person around,
But it’s only me and the trees and the damp, muddy ground.

What cause for the silence? I haven’t a clue.
Where do I go now? What do I do?

For I fear if I cannot find a rescuer soon,
I’ll simply fade into dust by the light of the moon.

I'm afraid this little poem,
doesn't have a lot to say.
No musings about life and death.
or lost loves along the way.

There's no long rumination,
about the world in which we live.
And in terms of inspiration,
well, it hasn't much to give.

It's not deep or thought provoking,
or even whimsical at all.
It's in no way wildly ambitious,
but rather short and plain and small.

Perhaps you're a bit curious,
about why I chose to write it.
I had a pen and I had an urge,
and it did not seem right to fight it.

Yes, it's just a little poem,
and you may find it quite a bore.
However, if I keep writing,
it won't be little anymore.

So thanks for stopping by
and taking time to read my friend,
but I think it's time we brought
this little poem to an end.

From the deep shadows of the universe
desolation comes in many unexpected
and intriguing forms.

Why are they all able to find me so easily?

Who am I?

Where is the edge of the Universe?

Why must life be this way?

How was my soul brought into existence?

And most important of all:

What's for dinner?

Two seats are waiting for me,
on a slow train to hell.
There's no getting out of it.

In the midst of an unsettled night,
I get whisked away down the tracks.
...ba-bump-ba-bump-ba-bump-ba-bump...
this is the sound that follows me to my grave.

The world I know fades away.
Replaced by something darker,
twisted, and impeccably unnerving.
For the moment, I am not afraid.
But I suspect that won't last long.
The lights grow dimmer.
I can hear the growling of monsters
around the curve up ahead.

My body tenses.
Bloodcurdling screams
pierce the foggy night.
Two sinister red eyes,
born out of the depths of hell
lock their gaze on me.

Something...is terribly wrong.

Insanity wraps around me like
a warm blanket on a winters night.

My faculties are lost.

A preacher cannot save me.
A doctor cannot heal me.
A loved one can not help me.

The creature lashes out
with a warrior fierceness.
It eviscerates my flesh with its claws.
The end draws ever closer.
And even though I am terrified,
a strange calm comes upon me.

The last of my life force drains
from my weak and frail human form.
The creature devours what's left of me.
As the train goes plummeting over the cliff
into the impenetrable darkness below.

Why do I weep in the sunshine,
but dance in the rain?

Why do I search in the depths,
instead of climbing the mountain?

Why do I wonder what it's like to burn,
instead of escaping the fire?

Why does calmness scare me,
yet fear comforts me?

Why am I more fascinated by death,
than the mysteries of life?

I always wince a little bit
when I feel the needle tear my skin.
Staring out into the night,
Soon, the train will whisk me away
to my happy place.

The doctor was good to me this time.

He gave me a special dosage.
I fill the syringe to its peak.
A terrible smile crosses my lips
as I let the anticipation ruin me.

I inject the liquid wonderment
deep inside my veins.
My prison bars slowly melt away,
as the drugs invade my heart.

I am lifted up to the sky.
Who needs Aladdins flying carpet?
The stars are mine.
At least, until I come crashing back down to earth.

Then I will find myself in barrenness,
lost to the world around me.
Desperately searching for a new doctor
to make it all disappear.

I know your instincts tell you,
that's it time to run away.
But the reckoning is coming,
and your soul's in disarray.

No one wants to face him,
No one wants to cross that line.
Everyone is brought to judgment,
Everyone is prey to time.

You might think you can avoid him,
but quite soon you'll learn the truth:
This isn't something you can win,
These are not the days of youth.

They say he's cold and vicious,
and his spirit somewhat fickle.
No one wants the business end
of a freshly sharpened sickle.

They say every man and woman,
when it's death they're about to face,
Should put on a mask of bravery,
and accept the thing with grace.

That may sound a little foolish,
and not the gift for which you prayed.
But what's the point in ending a life,
In anger and afraid?

Six
(years together)
Five
(counseling sessions)
Four
(forgotten birthdays)
Three
(times you cheated)
Two
(kids between us)
One
(hundred lies you told me)
...
...BOOM!

The fury of this world
has wounded my spirit
and shorn my brilliant feathers.

I have spent many nights,
on this rocky precipice.
Waiting for my worn body to heal.

"Soon you will fly again"
you tell me.
"Soon you will be free once more!"

The hollowness of your words,
makes your ignorance of me evident.
Your encouragement is misplaced.

For you see,
I'm not sure I want to go back up there.
The dark clouds look more foreboding than ever...

Maybe I just want to fly
to the darkest place I can find.
And stay there for all eternity.

Jumping through the air
snagging coins as I go.
Beware the cruel plants in the garden.

Bright stars give me power,
to vanquish my enemies.
The goombas never had a chance.

Blazing through the castle keep,
dodging everything that comes at me.
Bowser tries his best,
But I bring the hammer down swiftly.

The princess is mine again.

I try to love you,
You respond with apathy.

I try to honor you,
You respond with manipulation.

You are the fire,
I am the match.

You are the lightning,
I am the thunder.

And every time we dance,
The sky is set ablaze.

A young woman, the wind whipping her hair around.
A middle aged man in an SUV
screaming into his cell phone, oblivious to the world around him.
Two children crying incessantly, begging their mother to take them home.
A fifteen year-old rusted up Chevy
with only a few miles left to give.

The blinking lights of a police car in the distance.
A lone and frail cat, scavenging for food.
The flickering signs of the restaurants nearby.
An endless soft hum from a vending machine.

A married couple about ten feet away, fighting over their last few dollars.

Some tore up old newspapers strewn around.
And a little bit of music dancing over the breeze.

You never know what you’ll find...

...in a Wal-Mart parking lot.

It comes and it goes,
but why? I don’t know.
Just another little mystery
Of life I suppose.

It exposes and hides,
What nature keeps deep inside.
Sometimes it’s quite narrow,
others it stretches out wide.

It ebbs and it swoons,
By the will of the moon.
The old cosmic dance,
To a long ago tune.

It’s the unflappable motion,
from the heart of the ocean.
And to the grains of sand
Shows its quiet devotion.

He was a nasty looking *******,
with a ragged face and a scowl.
Full of muscles, full of rage,
and a scar upon his jowl.

His head was covered in tattoos,
and he wore a tattered shirt.
His arms lashed out like pythons,
and his fists were caked with dirt.

His eyes were dark and angry,
His heart was black and cold.
His soul was filled with a fury,
such a madness to behold.

Like a hunter, he latched on to his prey,
with a giant bat in tow.
And when he found the moment right,
he struck a killing blow.

He looked upon his fallen foe,
and laughed a giant belly laugh.
Then he grabbed the lifeless form,
and broke it clean in half.

He was a nasty looking *******,
with a ragged face and scowl.
And unfortunately for you and me,
he's still out there on the prowl.

There is a dormant power
that courses through my veins.

A building wave of anticipation
wafts across my skin.

My heart rate increases,
my breathing grows intense.

I have been left far too long
in this cold, dark place.

It is only your touch,
that can bring me to life.

Hello?
Is anyone out there?
Is anyone listening?

You don't know me.
Or maybe you do.
Because I fear like you.
and I hurt like you.
and I grow lonely
like you.

I'm not asking for much.

I spend my days
surrounded by a blanket of madness.
I would give anything
for a hug and a smile.

Is anyone out there?
Is anyone listening?

Will anyone find me
before it's too late?

It seems more and more
come those days
where I wish
that I could strap myself to a rocket,
blast off to the stars...

...and never have to see earth again.

Ten grueling rounds.
Eight twisted shadows.
Seven broken bones
Four bruised ribs.
Three kicks to the gut.
Two knives in the back,
One ****** lip.
And a final, crushing blow to the head.

All that remains is the cold stench
of betrayal.

I have lost the war with my worst enemy.

Me.

Tell me you're there.
Tell me this matters.
Tell me what I mean to you.
Tell me what's in your heart.

Lest you leave me to float away
in a sea of uncertainty.

Leave the radio on, leave the radio on.
Let the music play.
Let me hear your song.
The strings, the bass
just a beautiful place.
It's where I want to be.

Leave the radio on, leave the radio on.
Let the symphony last
the whole night long.
It's got just the right notes,
and melodic approach,
to set an imprisoned soul free.

Leave the radio on, leave the radio on,
Let the music rise up
and the voices grow strong.
The tone is just right,
To let a bold light
Shine on the things I cannot see.

I just want some calm.
But my body won't allow it.
The strain of this life
threatens to pull me apart
like a worn piece of paper.

All I can do
is take a deep breath
and pray
I can keep things together
just a little longer.

Is anyone out there listening?

Or do I have no companions
save the very demons that are consuming me?

Blood trickles down my hand
as I linger at the mouth of the monster.

I scratch,
I claw,
I fight defiantly.

But it is no use.

The fires of this life
are about to burn me away for good.
There is no escape.

Future's end. Nothing awaits me.
Except a dark circle in an empty chasm.

My body weakens.
The totality of it all
becoming ever more apparent.

Tears drip down my cheek
as I fade away.

This is not what I wanted.
But perhaps
it is what I deserved.

Finally,
In one swift, eternal motion
I am pulled down into the abyss.

And erased by the bleakness
that lies there.

There is a drug that
rips through my veins
and thrashes my body around
with reckless abandon.

There is a chemical
it electrifies my skin,
makes my heart race,
and ravages my body.

There is a substance,
that ripples through my hair,
dilates my eyes,
and makes my mind dance.

There is a concoction,
that blurs everything around me,
and locks in my spirit
to the whims of my flesh.

It is You.

I am healthy.
(I am hurting...)

I am strong.
(I am suffering...)

I am confident.
(I am insecure...)

I am fearless.
(I am frightened...)

I am powerful.
(I am meek...)

I am invincible.
(I am broken...)

I am joyful.
(I am human...)

There I wait by moonlit night
thinking of what I’ve not done right.
By the beach side near the crashing waves,
a mess of chaos, wind and rage.

The torment in the nearby sea
may as well just be the soul of me.
Lightning dances on the horizon line,
As we pay the price for natures crime.

Not far for me the city speaks
in a voice so soft, so calm, so sweet.
By the waters wracked by fear
I know it’s close but I barely hear.

Just a scant few miles away,
The concrete colossus guards the bay.
And then there’s me feet in the sand
trying, begging to understand.

The universe, a complex cosmic dance,
Then when might I just get my chance?
If this world’s a stage and I’m a player,
What lurks within the darkest layer?

But there’s no answer in this place,
Just an empty void of space.
Perhaps someday I’ll find my sleep,
In the madness of the oceans deep.

I just want to hug you
And never let go.
To tell you everything
That I think you should know.

I just want to hold you,
each and every day.
As my fears and my stress,
slowly melt away.

I want to keep you safe,
And secure and protected.
I want you to know
That you’re loved and respected.

I love the warmth of your smile,
the open joy of your laugh.
You’ve stolen my heart,
and I don’t want it back.

One day you’ll be grown,
and I’ll be past my prime.
but I’ll still be watching,
through the shadows of time.

I know that change
Is life’s only constant.
And you won’t stay this small,
No matter how much I want it.

On the journey life takes us,
We’ll change and we’ll grow,
But I’ll still want to hug you
And never let go.

You're killing me today,
like you've killed me every day,
and you've lost your only sway,
'cause the truth is on display.

I wish that I could fly away instead,
and not lie restless in this bed.

You're killing me today,
like you've killed me every day.
And that's how things are going to stay,
in this storm of disarray.

I wish I could fly away instead,
and not fight these voices in my head.

But you're killing me today,
like you've killed me every day.
Pull the trigger, claim your prey,
and leave me to my sweet decay.

She met him on a blind date,
At the old Tree Top Cafe,
They were talking, they were laughing,
It was a gorgeous summers day.

Before long things had grown
Into something so much more.
They couldn't wait to see the wonders
The future had in store.

The one night, a fancy dinner,
And an in house five piece band,
They were tearing up that dance floor,
Swinging 'round near hand in hand.

The music was electric,
It became their special tune.
And by the time song was over,
They were the darlings of the room.

They danced like no one's watching,
They danced with all their heart.
Two people meant to be together,
Romance, passion, drama, art.

Soon the wedding bells were ringing,
She looked so lovely dressed in white,
Two hundred fifty in the chapel,
It was a fascinating sight.

But not quite one year later,
She barely had the ring.
Three and a half months pregnant.
He came home and packed his things.

He said it wasn't working,
But she was not to blame.
He said there was no other woman,
Just his own remorse and shame.

Soon it would be revealed,
He deceived her and he lied,
And on that day inside her soul,
The lovely music died.

So she's alone and crass and bitter,
How did this ever come to be?
The truth behind the man he was,
Why did she never truly see?

Then some long months later
On a lonely winters day,
She'll put the music on again,
And when the song begins to play...

She'll dance like no ones watching
She'll dance with all her heart,
She won't let him take it from her,
She won't let it fall apart.

Her son is five years old now,
He's an amazing little kid.
Someday he'll know her sacrifices,
And why she did the things she did.

It hasn't all been easy,
She's seen her share of grim.
But everything was worth it,
If not for her, than him.

And the old ex is out there somewhere,
But she could not care any less,
She doesn't need the headaches,
And she doesn't need the stress.

She has done just fine without him,
And though its true he did her wrong.
She's got it all together now,
And she's taken back her song.

She'll dance like no ones watching,
She'll dance with all her heart,
She'll dance her way to freedom,
She will never fall apart.

I've left everything of myself
on this battlefield.
I have sweat through the danger,
bled through the misery,
and cried for endless nights.

On and on I have struggled,
desperately clinging,
to a distant thing called hope.
So many conflicts,
and not one victory to show for it.

There is no justice in this.
Perhaps I should just lay down my sword
and surrender.

I'm only going to lose in the end anyway.

A year ago today
We met for the last time.
I could sense what lay deeper.
I knew there were struggles
that you were concealing.

I wanted to pry it out of you,
but I had somewhere else to be.
And before we chanced to meet again,
You were gone...

So now here, I am.
Lost and lonely.
Wishing I could see you
for just a few minutes.

So you could know
how sorry I am
for never telling you
what you really meant to me.

The night is coming my love.
My hand grows weak.
A life spent fighting the twisted darkness.
So many things wasted.

Eternity comes for me soon.
In my soul sits a mountain of words,
that remain unsaid.

So many regrets in these last hours.

If only you could know my heart.
If only you could know everything.
If only you could know...
If only...
............

I'll tell 'em there's a problem now,
that only I can fix.
They'll never know I'm lying,
They can't see through my tricks.

I'll lead 'em down my chosen path,
and whisper in their ear.
As long as there's someone to hurt,
I can wield the power of fear.

It's too easy to find some lesser folks,
to lay on all the blame.
When really, I'm the one
behind the curtain who rigs the game.

You'd be surprised how easy,
it can be to make men hate.
Give them an easy target,
And let the anger permeate.

So, yes they've got a problem,
yet they're giving me applause.
Because they think I'm the solution,
but I know that I'm the cause.

Just because I'm unassuming,
doesn't mean I'm weak.
Just because I'm quiet,
doesn't mean that I don't have thoughts.
Just because I blend in,
doesn't mean I can't stand out.
Just because I'm off to the side,
doesn't mean I'm unimportant.

Just because I don't scream.
doesn't mean I'm calm.
Just because I don't show affection,
doesn't mean I don't love.
Just because you see me as simple,
doesn't mean I'm not complex.

My mind keeps going.
A million miles an hour.
Maybe more.
It is unforgiving.
It is relentless.
It is holding me hostage.
Faster and faster.
Threatening to throw me
right off the rails.
I fear I am losing control.

Why can't I make it stop?

They may look like bars to you.
And I understand
why you feel uncomfortable.

It is dark,
It is damp,
It is foreboding.

It doesn't seem like a place,
where joy exists.

But within these stone walls.
I find the liberty
to be what I truly am.

And that is all that matters.

I tried to protect you,
but you ran in anyway.

I tried to warn you,
but you refused to listen.

I tried to stop you,
but you drowned me out.

I tried to help you,
but you closed your arms.

I tried to love you,
but you pushed me away.

I tried to save you,
but you let it all crumble.

I tried.