How are we suppose to be
What is healthy
Ive never understood my own emotions
This anger
Hurt
Its agonising
What do you do when talking has never worked
And writing has never help as im not too well written
Communication is not a strong suit i wear
More like a knotted single thread stuck in my throat
It wont form words
Im stuck with this
I know not how to fix what ive become
I stand here looking down at her
Begging God just for a sign
So my trauma will not be her burden
No weight lay upon her chest from the chains of life that lay upon my ankles
God i beg we fix me before she is lost to this nonverbal communicationless void im within
Ill give my last breath to break this cycle

A year ago she came out into the world
Through my pain she took her first breaths
I remember you cried
That same night
Everything hurt
Just breathing was exhausting
I pleaded with you just to tidy the room
I asked for that so maybe my mind wouldnt feel so cluttered
But of course you didnt think that deep
You argued and watched me clean while i bled and my legs shook
I cried.

Here i am a year later
Wrapping presents
Alone
You're outside too busy self indulging to even consider being apart of this
I dont know why i ever thought things would change....
Im getting really sad again.