Hey..
Hey!

Do my words make me?
Do they mistake me? Do they create me?
I hold on to all that I am
All that I feel
All that I feel I need to say

Is who I am determined by
who I choose to be?
or do the memories I hold make me?
Make me!
Make me!
Oh my god why has my life forsaken me?
Betrayed me? Set me up and played me!
Let my progress take me, shake me!
and push me to places where I am welcome unwelcomed

Stained in all that I do, All that I am
Who I am!

Who am I?
Who am I?

Who am I...

Seething beauty
is a lost flower

is a haunting memory
reminding me of my foolish mistakes

a wind crashing against my lonely tower
forcing ink from every crack and crevice
like sulking tears
amassing briefly, before falling to the earth.

if only, if just, for a..
but it was all, no more than a fleeting moment.

and I crumble in impatience, like a child,
unable to build a brighter future

from the ashes of this burnt down garden..

that once flourished,

at the sight of
at the scent of
at the thought of

you.

What is this ****?
This intangible thing I can't seem to overcome
It's all sorts of things that go bump, and I can't really define
Everything I've come to understand has been a lie
and I really did believe, now everything is crumbling under
the weight of my running away, because in this life
there really isn't anything to believe, nor anything to hold,
as if the point of my life was to understand, and come to find out
There's nothing to see, nothing to hear, nothing to feel,
just the epiphany that all there is to life is now, there's no tomorrow
no yesterday, and everything spinning in circles in the mind
is a fantasy.

This idea of carrying on, or of disappearing forever,
of me, and of space and time, it disappears in quite solitude
but to give it up, is another thing all together, because
thoughts are very convincing, they start out few
and eventually there amassed in numbers so great
that the idea of silence and of peace becomes just that
another idea.

This life is a ride in which I've seen visions of a path
formed and suited to fit all that I have seen and done.
As all is waiting to be created and spun

Pain exchanged for wisdom of everything I love
and If you follow this rhyme from line to mind
from ignition to exhaust, it will leave you
in the mud and exhaling dust.

I have yet to give words of advice
I suffice to say it's hard to express
but in due time they will follow
and find their way, though the sun peaks from
clouds withered in silence as they slowly decay

They will follow in many forms and steps
through this deceptive circle of monotone color

in a time where inspiration is hard to find
I'll live by the word of everything they find absurd

So in the eyes of time let your existence have meant
the world to all whom see your light and they will follow

through this place as hell as it was written in this
hollow graveyard of broken wealth, till the end of time it'self.

Oh how it hurts, the warmth of your voice and the shattering of my heart
when you whip venom into my mind with the flipping of your tongue.

This isn't how it used to be, when the stars lit up the skies
in all directions around me, and everything still felt ok.

Oh, how much more can I bare? My heart is filled with angst,
angst, fear, jealously and hate.

Oh how these things poison my mind, and each time I try to shed my skin
and be reborn into something, someone, anything better,
you find a way back into my heart, and into my mind
and my pain only grows, and each time you leave me more frail.
Fragile, and on the edge like a star that's on it's last leg
about to burst every last bit of it's beauty across the universe
and die a slow agonizing death.

And it will be the last of you, the last of me. Thing's might of been better
but I fear it will never be that way, for the life of me, it's all been a cruel joke
and every soft bit of my heart, has been torn apart and replaced with scabs

but even scabs are chewy enough for your pointy teeth.

What does it mean to exist? How absurd this experience!
If life leads me in any direction; it is a pursuit to understand
How beautiful, maddening; that this life shrines through the darkness
lighting up the universe in all it's infinite diversity.

This moment spirals through time, winding; un-winding and falling to ashes,
it's like a beautiful song, a symphony so complex just to hear it's faint echo
is to stare god in the eyes; it is a dance; and I've been dancing forever
seeing just how far ahead I can run; before I catch me.

You see I want to capture the truth; and bottle it for my pleasure;
like holding a flame in a jar; just to say I found you; and I'll never let you go.

The trouble in capturing something so beautiful; is the moment it's no longer free
it ceases to be beautiful; ceases to be it'self, like a butterfly that's lost it's wings.

But I feel drawn, compelled, like a ghost being beckoned by a distant voice;
and I must find the other side of this tug; this pull.

I imagine a truth so complete, that I could die in that instant forever fulfilled;
and I must have it, even if doing so causes my complete annihilation.

For I will have seen the mind of god.

What is there to do when your mind's a mess?
The worlds a farce and everything is just too much.
I hide my face in worlds hardly seen, where reality is thin
and gods and demons roam in-between.

For me peace is only found in dreams, or when
there's a disconnect between myself and the world
usually found in a dose or ten of my favorite pill.

Solitude has been my best friend since I entered
this world, and much hasn't changed, I see the roles
know the cues, but I've never felt like I belong

Often times when I'm feeling blue, I can even lose myself
in my favorite tunes. Eventually I have to face it
you know', the one thing that never ceases.

“Reality is that which when you stop believing in it doesn't go away.”

And there it is, the thing we all must face, in differing ways
and in changing paces, eventually we all must face our inner demons
and I must say they have many faces.