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There is this feeling I can't seem to shake
It looms over me this pale luminous cloud
A shadow, not of my own, lurking oh, so proud
Hugs my shoulders with an unnerving weight
This feeling comes over me when you're awake
When you are near and when you are far,
I notice how I can only hear the sharp
pitch of your nagging words
and the pout of your lips, a piercing harp
That strings and stitches its will upon my life
And tries to puppet its pitches to bound me tight
Static and stagnant when plucked,
An evil soul gripped by a tattered heart,
too many times down in luck,
someone made their mark with your heart, left you ******.
Left you looming, wandering, excusing your every wit
and hit and sour, sad, selfish self and made you quit
at being a person with love and self respect
Instead you take everyone and anyone on when you're around
when you are here pouring your ugly in everyone's ear
but unlike the rain you do not cleanse nor make way
for light and brighter day
you keep the clouds and grey, no shine, no play
I want to run away.
When you're around.
When you are down.
When you make a frown.
When you're upside down.
When you take a place and make a fake.
I just need to run away.
They are strangers now, separated by their worlds and walls.
There is no chemistry, no spark, nothing special.
They are simply strangers, sharing a couch.

One is autumn, one is spring;
one likes talking, and the other? Listening.

If walls could talk, they’d weave a tale so tragic.

In the beginning, he was sun, and she was moon.
At the ending, she was running, but he was leaving.

In the beginning, there are many things.
There is music, and laughter, and broken strings.
They have cooperation, and commitment, and promises.
Her mom gives them glasses, his mom gives them dishes.
She has her charcoals, he has his guitar.

At the ending, close to the ending-
There is his guitar, her laughter, they’ve broken things.
And that is all that is left.

Promises and glasses, dishes and hearts.
A year of trying and losing is written on the walls;
the wallpaper- peeling, the curtains- ripping.

He clears his throat, she stills- hoping.
“I’m sorry,” she hears, and it’s okay.
“I’m sorry,” she hears, “that it’s ended this way.”

I’m sorry, she hears. I’m sorry, that it’s ended this way.
I’m sorry, she hears. That it’s ended this way.

“It’s ended this way?”
“I’m ending it this way.”
Today

I saw a dead yellow
        finch
                    its body crushed
on the cold black pavement
    of the parking lot

I remember our
conversation from 3 days
ago.

What would you be
                      if you could be
                              anything?

(i took a few seconds
to think.

a bird.
a bird that should never be caged.
a yellow finch, tiny and powerful and proud)

"a yellow finch."





I'd like to change my answer

                    to something less
                                           sad.
Corks of bottled pasts are popping,
Fury trains are slowing...
Stopping.
Recognise the ifs, the buts,
The wings, the ruts,
The shadows hopping.

Corks of bottled pasts are popping,
I'm a fury train and I need stopping.
Tinted blood,
Liver sopping,
Fetch a bucket,
It needs mopping.

Steam-rage bursts from veins and ears,
Peace erupts and all he hears?
"You've ****** me up for years and years,"
"For years and years and years and years!"

[Where is home?]
[Where is home?]
[Where is home?]
[Where is home?]
Not here,
So I'll destroy everything that you own.

"Restrain her!"
"Restrain her!"

Corks of bottled pasts are popping,
Fury trains are slowing...
Stopping.
Recognise the ifs, the buts,
The wings, the ruts,
The shadows hopping.
Boiling rows,
And dripping mouths,
And pools of vows
That now need mopping.
Lost and bewildered, I sat on her knee; “Come here child, let me preach.”
“Breathe into your life and unto God, you will pray.”
Wide-eyed and despondent, I held the death letter; I made the circle, drew the stain.
“Queen Laveau, take from me this sadness, shelter from me this pain.”
A grin danced on her lips with the stain intact; white on black.
“Saint Expedite, unsanctify this child, show him our ways.”
The last words uttered to me, by The Mother Marie.
This corpse wanders the earth, now alone; with an aching in its bones.
One day I suppose she will come for me, and with that final breathe, I will say,
“Voodoo woman, Come sing to me your lullaby so that I may pray.”
If I had an inch I'd give you a mile
If you were a frown I'd give you a thousand smiles
I'd give you the world if you asked
But all I want you to have is my heart

I'll write you a song if that's what you want
Then tear it all up if you don't
I'll show you my mind and give you my heart
Just promise you won't rip it apart

I want to know how you are
I want to know your heart and soul
Your voice is a work of art
I wish you could be mine to hold

I never could move on from your eyes
They'd haunt me wherever I go
Quitting isn't always so bad
When giving up on the impossible

Honestly I'd be crazy not to love you
Although the effect seems the same either way
I have dreams of spending forever with you
I wonder if you'd want to stay?
2011
 Jul 2011 Sara Ackermann
Snow
What are you when you've got nothing?
Who are you when you've got no one?
Where do you stand when you're standing alone?
Where do you go when you've got no place to call home?

Well, you're only human and I can't blame you for that.
And you've always got me, and that's a fact.
I'll stand by you even if you're standing alone.
And you'll always have my heart to call your home.
 Jul 2011 Sara Ackermann
Snow
The blood on my nails is from,
trying to take back my heart.
I tried to pry it from your hands,
but ended up tearing it apart.
The bruises on my arms are from,
just trying to survive.
But now that I have a life,
doesn't mean I feel anymore alive.

Was I just made so you could say goodbye?
It isn't fair. I deserve a love that doesn't lie.
Well hello!
I'm the one walking beside you,
it's not just your own shadow.
There is more to me than you can see,
so why can't you just stay with me?

The scars on my legs are from,
trying to walk through life,
But the longer that I can't find love,
the more things end in strife.
The tears that run down my cheeks,
are from being blinded by the light,
that shown when you walked in,
and I thought you were my armored knight.

But was I just made so you could say goodbye?
It isn't fair. I deserve a love that doesn't lie.
Well hello!
I'm the one walking beside you,
it's not just your own shadow.
There is more to me than you can see,
so why can't you just stay with me?
I wasn't made for your goodbye.
At one end of the couch
you sit, mute as a pillow
tossed onto the upholstery.

I watch you sometimes
when you don't know I'm watching
and I see you. Who you are.

You are a self made man.
Hard suffering. You are grey
stone and damp earth.
A long scar on a pale sky.

The television is tuned to CNN.
The world's tragedies flicker
across your face like some
foreign film.

You are expressionless.
Your usual gestures ground to salt.

How do you explain yourself
to people that do not know you?
How do you explain to them,
this is me; that is not me.

However many words you choose
in whatever context with
whichever adjectives you use
could not compare.

Even you describing you
would not be you.
Not totally.

Your hands are folded
together, resting in your lap.
I study those hands until
every groove becomes familiar.

Like a favorite hat,
you wear your silence
comfortably.

I sometimes can not help
but wonder what we will
talk about if we ever
run out of things to say.

You are the curve
I burrow into. The strength
I borrow. You are the red sun
rising over the mountain.
You are the mountain.
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