I lay down under the scorching Manila sun
It feels something like searching
for solace in discomfort.
Eyes clenched.
My body sinks into the earth.

I want to breathe.
But the air is dense here
And my every other breath
is diluted with smoke.
These lungs push into the
walls of their cage;
Eyes clenched and anxious
waiting for the day to end.

But tonight…
I will run alongside the wolf,
Follow her as she chases the moon,
Mimic her proud howls to the sky.
Tonight I will run alongside the wolf,
Follow her until I’m lost in the night
And search for her shadow in the sunrise.

Tonight
I will breathe.

I hate September
The lies of June through August persistently linger in you
Playing with my fragile mind, teasing my senses
I’ll never adjust to how those months erase you
Lightening your hair, leaving nothing but freckles on your cheeks
I’m sickened by the thought of it
That ******* superficial summer stealing you away from me
Masking your beautiful frustrations with a bright sun and tanned skin
Leaving me waiting for your return

I miss your pale face and even paler eyes
Your pure radiance against the reflection of the stars hitting the cold ocean
How I lust for the honesty found in our fall
Only in autumn can I find your soul in full bloom
The warmth from your chest versus the crisp evening air
Tired eyes opening halfway with the arrival of the morning light
Surrounded by bright oranges and pale browns coated in grey
Whispering delicate love songs and sleepy thoughts long into the afternoon
You were mine

But dearest, these months have been harsher than expected
Our October and November have transformed into a bleak December through February
Which in turn became a dark, rainy March through May
Followed by a painfully hot and uncomfortable June through August
And now September refuses to release you from its grasp, my beloved
The seasons are so cruelly passing us by
It’s almost as if you never were
But when leaves are shed and days disappear
I’ll close my eyes and I’ll listen for you in the wind

Meandering through the billowing trees
A cold, almost winter sky coats the forest in a haze
Fallen branches and withered grass
Crunching beneath my feet with every small step

Your ghost fills me like a flood
Every breath, crystalizing my lungs

I can feel you
I can hear your sullen whispers blowing past the trees with the wind
I can smell the distinct scent of your skin as if you were cradling me in your arms

You are the trees, and the ground
You are the blurred light peeking through the fog
You are love, and you are life
You are here
But nowhere else

I’ll close my eyes
Let me remember the planes of your face
The slight curve at the end of your smile
Let me hear your soft voice
The sound of your sleeping exhale

Time has carelessly erased the memory of you
Leaving only fragments
Mere glimpses into the past
Nothing more
I’ll collect the pieces
Like shards of shattered glass
And keep them close to my heart
Strolling through the wilderness
Only thinking of you