I told myself I wouldn't anymore
I told you to leave me alone
I told you I hate you

You used me
Abused me
And made me think it was my fault

So I'm leaving
I'm walking away
Looking in the opposite direction

But I still dream about you
You don't say anything
You just look at me

I'm starting to feel lonely
There is no one else hear to talk to me
No one else likes me

So I'm coming back
No
I cant't

I'm confused
****
**** I hate you

But don't close your arms just yet

I rather get lost
In my suicidal thoughts,
Then face my unappealing reality

My thirst for happiness
My crave for affection
My need for love

I want to sleep in the garden of eternal bliss
I want to drown in the ocean of non existence
I want to sink low
                            low
                         ­      low

I rather get lost
In my suicidal thoughts
Then cry every night

I'm sorry

I always wanted one
Everyone always had at least one
They looked so cool, you could tell them anything
They wouldn't judge you, they would make you laugh
You could play with them, laugh with them, cry with them

I had one at one point.
I never wanted to let go, but it let go of me

So I looked for a new one
and I thought I found it, but it left me again

Then I started to notice that you didn't need one if you had many
All the cool people had a bunch, and that's all I wanted
So I tried my hardest to get as many as I can
I ended up with 3

They were all important to me
I basically surrounded everything I did to benefit them, so they wouldn't leave
They were literally my everything
Now they mean nothing, they left me too

It turns out they were all fake
I found the ones with defaults
But I wanted that genuine one that one of a kind one
The one that every little girl dreams of

But I never found one
I still see girls walking around with the only thing I ever dreamed of having
The thing I still to this day wish to have one
The thing that no matter how hard I try to make it stay it seems to leave,

A friend

Drunk off you love
Drunk off your touch
I can feel that burning and violent rush,
hit the back of my throat,
As you watch me choke, on our memories
And gag on our laughs and cry our sorrows

I wont be able to see straight till tomorrow
When I wake up back in your arms with a pounding in my head,
telling me to get out of your bed and go

But I still can't see
I just want to be free
from your demons at night, that take away sight

So I go back the next day and take a sip of your seduction,
and feel your mass destruction on my liver

Because once again and now till the end I am,
Drunk off your love
Drunk off your touch
I just want to be sober it that too much?

We both pretend like we don't care
Till we walk and gaze and stop and stare
Suddenly the room goes quiet and bare
And for a second I breathe in no air
And then I look straight into your eyes
And you look deep into mine
Clawing and scratching your way down the line,
that leads to the pool of despair and lies
I look up above and ask god why
Why he'd think to bring you to my life
So I close my eyes and take a deep breath,
wondering what the hell you'll do next
You don't make a move, no smile or wave
So I guess I'll just turn and do the same
You hang your head in ultimate shame
Knowing that you are the one to blame,
for this rocky and tarnished relationship
So I guess we're just done we just have to quit
We walk separate ways attempting to move apart,
when really all were doing is going back to the start
Its the way we are its our abstract art,
We are connected from heart to heart

I can hear him coming up the stairs
His boots hit each step with a thump
Something is jingling

I thinks its just the keys
I'll unlock it for him
So I can see that smile on his face

So I can feel his cold hands as he wraps them around my waist
I give his lips a taste
And he says "Hello"

By then I have the shivers
I pull him inside
Deep deep inside

His coat on the floor
My shorts on the ground
His hands on my body

We haven't even made it to the room
But we are already on an adventure
Exploring each others
Fantasies
Desires
Love

We are now making passionate love

I am not your *******
I am not your Saturday night
I wont get on my knees just to please
                a man
I am not your *** toy
I am not your pornograpghic fantasy
I wont bend over just to get ******* over by
                a man
Don't ask me for ***
Don't ask me for pleasure
And **** sure don't as me for a quickie
Got it
                 *man